Joyful Leadership

It's A Wonderful Life if I Believe It Is

2011-12-25T22:34:00.006-05:00

Christmas day 2011 is closing in on the finish line and has certainly been a full day. After a lovely time of celebration with friends and family, my husband and I watched the classic movie "It's a Wonderful Life" and it has stirred up some inspiration for me.

I imagine most readers of this post have seen the movie many times, but for those that have not, here's the gist: The story is about a talented and likable young man, George Bailey, that due to various circumstances, let go of his dreams to go to college and then travel the world building sky scrapers and doing other exciting things, to manage the family business in his small town. After years of hard work, he found himself in a desperate financial situation that caused him to consider taking his own life. Thankfully, his guardian angel, who just so happened to be in need of earning his wings, showed up on the scene and gave him the opportunity to see what his community and those he loved would be like if he had never been born. As you can imagine, it was an eye opener for him, showing clearly that he truly had a wonderful life even though his original dreams were not realized.

I imagine this movie became a classic since it speaks to the viewer's heart. We all want to have a wonderful life and sometimes our plans to do so don't work out, which can trick us into thinking we failed. As I thought about the situation George faced in the movie, I saw a man that had many gifts to share and even though his original plan did not work out, he definitely had a very powerful impact on countless people and had much to appreciate.

We may never know the totality of our impact, yet I strongly believe that each of us have touched someone, somewhere in some way and if we had never been born, our presence on earth would surely be missed.

So how do you have a wonderful life when your experience of life is not going like you hoped or planned? Do you have to change someone else's life for the better in order to have a wonderful life? Do you have to create or stimulate phenomenal things to have a wonderful life? For me, the answers come from a simple belief, and that is life is wonderful if we believe it is.

The message I get from this film is that we all have access to living a wonderful life. The way to see and feel the wonderful-ness is by being aware, open and grateful for all of the simple little things we take for granted and to be open to shifting gears when things don't go as planned.

It is by being engaged fully in our relationships with those people that we see and talk to everyday as well as the strangers we meet. It is about accepting "what is" when change is not possible and stimulating change when it is. A wonderful life comes when we appreciate more than we complain and by pausing long enough to know when we are doing either.

Life feels wonderful when we cease to beat ourselves up for our missed opportunities, dreams and goals and when we can trade in our fear of failure for a hunger to live as fully as possible.

I believe this formula is one anyone can follow. It's simple and non-discrimnatory. Live from your heart, meaning make choices that simply feel "right" for you in the moment. Be kind to yourself and to others as you travel your path. Don't look over your shoulder or far into the future, but be present in the current moment, since that is all that really exists.

Although I don't anticipate a visit from my guardian angel who will give me the experience of seeing what the world would be like if I did not exist, I believe I am on the right track... not because of huge accomplishments, but because I am thoroughly enjoying the process of life. It simply feels "right" and in my movie of life feeling "right" means wonderful.

Your Secret Weapon. . .Use it Wisely

2011-11-13T19:59:00.001-05:00

We each have a secret weapon and I urge you to use yours wisely.

The weapon? It is your impact. You are always having an impact. . . all of the time, without exception. It may create a positive or negative response in any given moment, but your power to have an impact is always present.

When we interact with others, even if we don't speak, we are having an impact. If we pass someone on the street, we have an impact. When we answer the telephone, we have an impact. When we ride public transportation or go to a movie, or walk our dogs, we are having an impact.

The opportunity list for impact can go on and on, but I think you get the picture. As human beings, sharing this planet and all of it's resources, our individual impact can have an effect on our fellow humans, animals and even our environment. Being wise about how we use our impact could make for a more pleasant experience of life for yourself and others. Being aware of impact can also protect you from adverse reactions from others.

Since wherever we go, whatever we do, we are having an impact, it makes sense to be aware of the power we each wield. In light of that fact, it seems like a noteworthy phenomena to hold in our awareness.

Sometimes our impact may be intentional, such as smiling at someone or saying hello. In that case, we intended to be friendly, which would be an intended positive impact. Other times our impact may be unintentional such as when we are deep in thought and don't acknowledge a greeting from someone else. At times like this, we might think we're invisible and our frown belongs to us and has no impact on anyone else, but it does.

We may also choose to have a negative impact, which would fall into the intentional category. An example of an intended negative impact may be yelling an obscenity at a fellow driver that just cut you off.

As I observe and interact with many people every day, I frequently notice impact and find that most often, the negative impact many people have goes unnoticed by the person responsible for creating it.

A recent example was noted on facebook. As I scrolled through posts on my page, I came across one that was in stark contrast to most of the postings I typically see from my friends, which are usually intended to be positive. This one was obviously written in anger and contained profanity laced throughout a ranting complaint about an unnamed individual. The purpose of the post was puzzling to me since the person about whom the complaint was made was not on the receiving end, but innocent readers as myself were being hit with it. I am quite sure, the author did not intend to offend me or others, thus this post fell into the unintended impact category.

Since unintended impact can be a common experience in our human experience, I urge you to be aware of what you intend, and then act accordingly. Do you really want to offend, insult or ignore those you care about, or even the stranger you are sitting next to on a flight across the country? How does it feel when you become aware of your impact? What is the impact you want to have in your everyday life?

If you are on the receiving end of an intended or unintended negative impact, I urge you to look beyond the words, actions or email and be curious what may have been present in the person that created the impact. When we can look a bit more deeply, what we will usually find is someone that is afraid and feeling vulnerable. When I see vulnerability in another person, I can find compassion and when that happens I am no longer offended by the negative impact my counterpart created.

I believe we are all doing our best with what is on our plate of life at the present time. Unfortunately, sometimes we forget that we are all connected. Our pain or our joy is not a private experience. It leaks. It leaks out and affects others.

So I encourage you to be aware of your impact. When you are feeling off balance, angry or upset, be extra aware that your negative feelings may be leaking and affecting others.

If it is your intent to create a positive impact most of the time, I encourage you to take excellent care of yourself since when you feel good, you are most likely going to be having an impact that is of equal value.

Bottom line...stay awake....clean up the messes your negative impact may have caused and remember those that affected you in a negative way may not have even known they even fired their weapon.

Watch Yourself

2011-10-30T11:21:00.000-04:00

When I am especially tuned in and present, I sometimes notice the still small voice within me, say "Watch yourself". I don't take this as a cautionary warning that I may be harmed or may harm someone or something else, but accept the message as words of encouragement to stay awake and find things to appreciate.

In the years since I have made it my intention to live my life in a state of awareness, I have come to learn that the more in-tune I am to what my thoughts are, the more control I have in steering myself in a direction of thought that feels good.

Many people will argue that last statement, defending that their status of happiness is not fully in their control. Believing you are a helpless victim of life is not likely to be pleasant.

My suggestion to those that find themselves drowning in a sea of scary thoughts, is to look at one thought at a time. Be curious about it. . . where did it come from? Are you focusing on beliefs that others have taught you? Are you replaying news clips from Fox news? Is it simply easier to think the same frightening thoughts since that is what you've always done?

The good news is once you are committed to watching yourself, you may be surprised to find you do indeed have control over what you think. Remembering you are the creator of your thoughts and therefore your experience of life (no matter what is happening around you) is a gift we each have every day.

So watch yourself and see how it feels.

Like it or Not....It's Fall

2011-10-01T18:53:00.002-04:00

Every year once the weather begins to cool, I notice many of my friends and acquaintances begin to complain about the disappearance of summer and lament the beginning of Fall. I don't think they really dislike Fall, it's just that they equate Fall with winter coming fast behind.

For many years, I would quietly enjoy the break of the heat and humidity and feel myself become more alive as the temperature drops, afraid to voice my preference since the summer lovers might be offended.

These summer lover friends (you know who you are) need more than the average dose of sunshine. They don't seem to mind sweating or sleeping without a fluffy comforter on their bed. These friends of mine prefer sandals over socks and loafers, prefer shorts to corduroy and don't like their arms or necks covered. In addition, they prefer cold drinks to warm, choose to grill chicken on charcoal over making chicken soup, and dream about sitting ocean side in the relentless beating sun rather than wearing a soft cotton turtle neck and jeans while kicking dry leaves on the forest trails.

The perfect day in my book of life consists of a temperature in the high fifties or low sixties, sunny skies, fluffy clouds. crisp feel in the air, leaves turning colors and the smell of apples. I love it when it's cool to cold outside, while warm inside. I love having the fireplace burn as I read a great book, tucked under a fleece blanket and a cup of green tea within arms reach. I love sleeping without need of a fan blowing directly on me. I love having the energy to walk an extra two miles rather than being hot and melting after a humid trek requiring hydration every half mile.

To me, Fall means homey time. It's nest making time. It's soup simmering and cookie baking time. I'm most creative when the weather gets cooler. I enjoy hugging more when it's cool (for many reasons I won't go into here).

Although every year at this time, I find myself keeping my desires and loves to myself so as not to offend or seem uncaring when my summer-loving friends are suffering, this year, I am speaking out. Yes, I am openly claiming my love for Fall. I don't fear winter. It's coming whether I want it to or not. I will not let my dislike for driving on icy, snowy roads intercept my joy and enjoyment of Fall.

I am not afraid to be heard and counted as I boldly stand in a state of complete enjoyment of all that is cool, crisp and rust colored. Perhaps it is simply accepting and fully enjoying what is, or maybe it's because I have a birthday and anniversary this month. Whatever the reasons, I will no longer just smile and nod with an appearance of being understanding as I hear summer lovers complain. I will smile and maybe even laugh as I enjoy what is now.

Getting Rid of the Dead Heads

2011-09-11T16:58:00.000-04:00

I am not much of a gardener. . .In fact if the flowers I joyfully plant in the spring actually live to see (and be killed by) the first autumn frost, they're lucky. My husband calls me a plant murderer. I think that's harsh, since I don't willfully intend to kill, I just seem to lose interest after I plant, feed and water my lovelies for the first few weeks.

This year, however, I discovered something I enjoyed about gardening, and that is getting rid of dead heads which you probably know are the flowers on a plant that have shriveled and died. Pinching off these dead blooms apparently stimulates new life to grow and sustains a healthy beautiful plant for a longer period (at least that's what my gardener friends tell me). Since my window box is right next to my back door, it was very convenient to pause for a moment as I entered or exited to pinch off a few dead heads. As a result, the petunias this year were especially prolific and beautiful.

One day as I was seeking out dead heads that were ready to be removed, I began to make a comparison of my petunia plants to my life. It may seem like a stretch of an analogy, but stay with me. . .here's what I came up with:

Sometimes what I once considered to be an appealing component of my life ceases to have that attractive appeal. If I don't pluck it from my routine, it can end up draining my energy, keeping me from flowering and enjoying life in a more beautiful way.

A good example of this phenomena for me are various forms of exercise I have tried over the years. I have lost track of the fitness DVDS and their ancestors in the form of VHS
tapes, that I have purchased and diligently worked out to as part of my daily routine. Eventually I lose interest and notice it's no longer fun. The disappearance of the fun factor for me usually means it is time to pluck this particular dead head from my life. Once I do that I am renewed and ready to put my attention to something else that feels better.

I have also removed dead head relationships that no longer seemed to serve me or the other person in a positive way. Terminating or moving on from a relationship does not minimize the impact that it may have once had, it is simply recognizing that people, their schedules and their lives change so what once felt perfect, now feels strained. Since I only choose to be in relationships that I can be fully committed and engaged, I have a limit. Pinching off what no longer has life, creates space for more stimulating and enjoyable interactions, which is always life giving.

If you can align with my gardening dead head analogy, I encourage you to evaluate your life. Notice where you put your attention and then ask yourself if it is enhancing your flower box of life, or simply using your energy with nothing beautiful to show for it.

The Good Life

2011-08-24T15:20:00.001-04:00

My dog, Thor lives a good life. In fact, I'm sure he has it better than many humans I know. I'm not sure how good his life was before we picked him up at the SPCA two years ago, but without question, he knows how to live well now.

I think humans can learn a lot from animals. They seem to have the right idea about living well and maintaining a fairly peaceful and happy attitude about life.

Here's some lessons I have learned from Thor:

If you want attention, let someone know. Don't take no for an answer. If they refuse to compliment you, rub you where it feels good, or at least smile, persist with being cute until they cave in and give you what you want.
Take naps. Your naps don't have to be long ones, but it is imperative you take frequent rests so you can have the energy to exercise later.
Walk or run daily and enjoy being out in the fresh air. Sniff the air often too. You never know what wonderful scents may be in your vicinity.
Be playful....even if you think you're too old. Remember there is always the spirit of a child (or puppy) within. Give your inner child the opportunity to be silly and playful. You can't help but giggle when you're playful.
Just be you....without apology. Thor knows who he is and apparently has nothing to hide. Either you like him, or you don't. I think that's why he's so happy. He doesn't spend any time trying to act like a poodle or a Great Dane....He just enjoys being himself.
Stop eating when you're full. (This one needs no explanation)
Receive affection when it's offered. Thor loves to be loved. Sometimes people don't think they deserve it, which is really a shame, since it feels so good to be loved.
Don't hold grudges. Forgive regularly. This is something Thor does well. If he gets upset with me for not throwing his toy, he doesn't hold it against me for days. He just tries again later and forgives me in the moment. He also seems to forgive himself if he happened to do something naughty like steal meat from the counter or get into the garbage.

If I ever temporarily forget I am living a good life, I just look at Thor and remember that my experience of life depends on how I see it and how I see myself.

Bear in Mind

2011-08-03T18:52:00.000-04:00

Living in a small, rural town I am reminded on a regular basis of the special experiences that are available naturally. . .that is if you're paying attention. Today was a great day for incoming inspiration.

First of all, my husband experienced a bear sighting on his walk to work. At 6:15 this morning he took a short cut down a hill that intersects two streets, one of which that leads to the woods. As he walked the route that he has covered countless mornings, he became aware of an unusual sound to his left. Instead of continuing his trek, he stopped and saw a bear dragging a garbage bag up the hill, probably going home with breakfast for the family. Based on the story of The Three Bears, he told me this one probably represented the size of momma Bear.

He considered himself very fortunate to be able to witness this wild animal in an act natural for it, but not usual for him. He related that it took about ten minutes for the bear to manage to get the garbage bag un-snagged from trees and brush until it reached an open space to the finish line. Although we occasionally see bears living in the mountains of Pennsylvania, this observation was a special treat.

I also had my own little glimpse of nature. After returning home from my daily walk, I was going through a variety of stretching exercises on my living room floor. As I relaxed into a back bend, I notice a bird, perched on a branch leaning against the window. It caught my attention, so I took a closer look and noticed it was standing over a nest and was feeding two babies.

What is interesting to me is this nest, momma, and babies have been within easy sight for sometime, but I didn't see them. I'm not sure where my mind was, but apparently it was not on my immediate surroundings.

Although I was grateful that I was tuned in today, as was my husband, I wondered how many things that escape our attention each day that are potential sources of unique delight and wonder.

I am reminded to not allow myself to always be caught up in thought of what is next on my to-do list. I am reminded to breathe and to stay present to what is around me. I am reminded to bear in mind that I am always surrounded by things of nature and people that deserve my attention.

I am reminded that if I am not paying attention, I may miss a priceless opportunity to enjoy what is right before me.

Trust Fall

2011-08-01T15:12:00.001-04:00

An old, dusty dream of mine was awakened after a thirty-five year nap. The dream was born when I was eighteen years old, soon after I graduated from high school. It appeared at a time when I realized I wanted to live an adventuresome life rather than an ordinary one.

As I brainstormed experiences (which were essentially a Bucket List, long before that term became popular), skydiving was high on my list. In spite of my having a great fear of danger, and in fact, even hesitant to ride on a roller coaster at an amusement park, I still longed to have thrilling experiences in life. I'm not sure why or how, but something deep within my heart seemed to know my childish fears would some day disappear and I would meet this dream.

Although the desire to skydive originally came from the source of a young woman’s thrill-seeking adventure, when it popped back into my consciousness a few years ago, there was a different source stimulating the desire. At that point in my life, well established in middle age, minus many of those old fears, and quite open to new challenging experiences, a skydive epitomized the opportunity and actually the challenge to feel complete trust.

I realized what I needed was to experience surrender in my body and especially my spirit, trusting all is well, no matter how a situation may seem and no matter what the outcome may be. To me, this feeling of totally letting go, leaping into space and being at peace unconditionally, regardless of the outcome, was going to be my teacher.

I also knew my trust fall would be an opportunity to experience complete peace, even when in the face of potential danger or harm. I longed to feel safe as if in the palm of God's hand, no matter where I was or what I happened to be doing.

With so many elements of trust blending together, this skydive was intended to be a life changing experience. The intended change in my life would be to feel peace rather than fear, no matter what I happened to be facing.

On a sunny, breezy Sunday morning in June, after prior research for a competently run skydive center, I showed up at OZ Homestay in northern Pennsylvania to finally live out this dream. After signing the waivers and learning what was required of me, to complete my free fall, I was ready.

Prior to boarding the plane, I noticed I was feeling unusually calm and present. A feeling of complete peace filled me as the plane took off and climbed to an altitude of 10,000 feet. After about 20 minutes and reaching the optimal altitude, I received instruction to prepare for the jump. I followed the rehearsed routine of making my way to the open door and positioned myself at the edge of the plane with my legs dangling in the air. As I looked down there was no sign of earth beneath me. There was nothing to hold me up, yet I was not in fear and trusted all was well.

I will never forget the feeling of surrender when I physically let go of the wing and fell away from the plane. In spite of being battered by wind during my explosive descent,the paradoxical feelings of calm and exhilaration filled me. Once the parachute opened, the free fall rush at 120 miles an hour shifted to quiet peace around me, matching what I felt within.

Once I softly landed on the ground, I knew I had changed. My physical experience of complete surrender and trust rather than fear-based attempts of control, showed me this was possible in anything I choose to do . . . even when both feet are firmly planted on the ground.

Peace Without Apology

2011-07-31T19:18:00.001-04:00

I periodically notice some people exhibiting signs of annoyance with me, and in some cases, even agitation, when I choose not to join the band wagon of complaints, worry and attack of a perceived enemy in reaction to local and world events. It seems, my positive attitude and approach can be disturbing to others that choose a different path. Although I notice the reaction of some of my friends, I will not apologize for being at peace.

Thankfully, how we each deal with the issues of life is a personal choice. My preference is to stay aligned with joy and sustain peace "within" regardless of what may be showing up in the "outside" world. When I have been hooked by anger and then acted out with righteous indignation (even in cases when it appeared I was victimized) my negative emotions never improved the situation in question. What is especially true is that acting out in anger has never....repeat... NEVER made me feel better. I understand some of my fellow humans are convinced that their anger spurs them on to correct a wrong...to set things right, and that vindication and revenge feels good. Perhaps that is true for them. I just don't choose to roll like that.

What I find to be a particularly interesting comparison is that I may even choose to take the same steps that those on the fist pumping side of the line may take when an injustice occurs. I make phone calls, write emails and sign petitions to inform my elected officials of what I believe, although what I say in a letter may differ from others. I don't sugar coat situations, but I avoid attacks. I write letters to the editor in support of that which I want to see more of, rather than complain about what should stop. I donate money to causes that support peace rather than destruction. I read articles that support peaceful solutions that are in alignment with my beliefs, rather than feed myself with more news and reports that stimulate hateful actions. Although many of us may take the same stand and in some cases even actions, how we feel in the process of creating change can vary greatly.

Although I understand when people get hooked by an issue many are looking for others to join in the fight believing there is power in numbers, I am very careful with whom I will stand. Watching how the political parties work in our country are a great example of how fear is used to create a movement against the enemy (enemies vary depending on the issue). Bottom line...I resist jumping on a wagon that is destined for perpetrating a movement fueled by fear.

What I have trained myself to do instead, is to keep my intention on creating a positive outcome. Rather than keeping my focus on battling a wrong, I simply keep my vision on what I want to see created instead. I have heard the story that Mother Teresa was once asked to march in an anti-war rally. She informed the activist inviting her that she would not rally against war, but she would be happy to rally for peace. This simple statement has been a tremendous inspiration for the way I choose to live.

So which perspective is most productive in the end? The good news is we each get to decide. I will continue to choose a peaceful response since I know my creativity in problem solving, my effectiveness to create positive change and my ability to encourage others to show up at their best occurs when I stand in the light not the dark.

Peaceful Smile with Wings

2011-06-29T14:19:00.002-04:00

Earlier today when I returned home from my early morning Yoga class, I discovered a bird in perfect condition, lying dead in my driveway. It had a surreal appearance that caused me to stand and stare at this little form for several minutes.

From my giant-like perspective, I could see it's eyes were closed, feathers unruffled, beak slightly parted. If birds could smile, I think the look on it's face would have definitely qualified. At first I tried to figure out how this little creature met it's demise. There were no physical signs of fowl play. None of the neighborhood cats were anywhere in the vicinity, high fiving each other for taking this sparrow down.

It appeared to be a death due to natural causes. Maybe it was a heart attack, or old age. Since there was not a tree branch, which could have been a perch, hanging over this death scene, the cause will always be a mystery.

As I mourned the death of this little creature, wondering if members of it's family were nearby planning a little bird memorial service, I was reminded how natural death is. When I moved beyond my own sadness for the bird's relatives and friends, I realized the deceased bird was at peace. There was no suffering, no resistance. . .only peace.

I then decided to create a little funeral. I prepared a grave under the Mulberry tree and gently scooped the bird with a trowel and placed it in it's grave. As I said a little prayer, birds swooped overhead. I'd like to believe they were paying their respects.

When this unexpected experience was complete, I went inside feeling very peaceful. It reminded me that when it comes time for me to leave this world, I also hope to have a peaceful smile and wings.

Intuition Over-ride

2011-06-22T09:40:00.005-04:00

I have been working on developing my intuition for some time. You know, that small inner voice that always knows what's best for you. I consider my intuition to be God talking to me. Of course God wants the best for me so I often pause and check in with this inner guidance to keep myself on the right track.

My intuition guides me in many ways such as business decisions, what to eat, what form of exercise is best for my body today, what book I should read, whether or not I should take a short cut while driving through town or if I should purchase that leather bag I saw on sale. In essence, my intuition takes care of me and keeps my life running smoothly....that is, if I don't over-ride it.

Since I practice listening and sometimes even asking for guidance much of the time, messages come through frequently for little things as well as the big things in life.

Last evening, while cleaning up after a dinner party, I was attempting to store my crock pot on a high shelf. My intuition gave me a gentle warning to remove the lid first, since it could fall off. I over rode that warning. While on tippy toes with arms fully extended to reach the shelf, and with my face turned upward, the lid slipped off and clipped me just beneath my right eyebrow. As the blood ran down my face, my first thought was "I should have listened". My second thought was. . . "This eye is going to be a great reminder of this lesson every time I look in the mirror for the next week".

Perhaps I needed a black eye to hone in this lesson on listening. I will be reminded to slow down and be present. I will be reminded to not cut corners, but to do things with "smartness" rather than "flippedness". I will be reminded that I always get another chance.

Right now, my intuition is telling me this post is complete and to apply an ice pack to my right eye. I will now do as I am guided.

Good Intention.....Gone Bad

2011-05-09T08:45:00.007-04:00

Over the years, I have found a way to be in relationship with friends, family and even strangers, that allows for ease and comfort in communicating. . .both for myself and for anyone I may be with in the moment. My usual impact tends to be positive, so I was caught off guard when my good intention went bad.

I realize that all I could do at the time was apologize, which I did, and now I am taking the opportunity to gather up some learning from my experience to minimize the likelihood of repeating my well intentioned boo boo with some other unsuspecting person in the future.

As in most occurrences I observe in my life, there is learning that transcends a particular set of circumstances and can be applied to other areas and relationships. In this case, at least for me, I am being reminded to think before I act....or speak.

So here's my lesson... use as indicated in your life if you have ever made the same mistake:

Even though you have expertise, knowledge, coupled with confidence, do not offer it without checking to see if the other person desires to hear what you have to say
Do not give advice, unless asked
Do not invade another person's personal space, even though you would be comfortable if they were in yours
Listen and respond accordingly
Do not assume people know your intention; they may be very vulnerable and susceptible to being offended or hurt, regardless of what you say or do
Remember that everyone is having their own experience of life and it is always wise to assume that they are competent and able to seek help if they desire it

I am grateful for the reminders of this lesson and regret that someone else had to pay the price for my temporary lapse of memory.

As I gently forgive myself, I move on, not with fear that I may offend again, but with a gentler and deeper awareness that life is a dance. At times I may step on my partner-in-the moment's toes, yet know that if I am mindful and aware in the moment, my impact will be one of greater sensitivity and will guide me to behave in a way so that my intention will match my impact.

Letter to Kate

2011-04-29T15:55:00.006-04:00

Dear Kate,

I greatly appreciated your recent letter and agree that communication between us becomes more and more important as the decades click by.

It seems like only yesterday when our simultaneous existence required almost no thought or planning. You always seemed to have a natural ability and inclination to take care of me. In fact, during some periods of our life together, you were quite timid to do anything that may have even remotely affected my safety. Ironically, however, as you grew older, you began to trust me more and more, and tested my abilities to move beyond what you previously believed was safe.

It is in those times that you trust me most, that I feel the most alive.

I remember that you never considered yourself to be an athlete until you began to run. It was apparently the simplicity of putting one foot in front of the other in a regular rhythm, that seemed easy enough for even a non-athlete to master, that you first actually tested me.

Your stint of canoe racing was the next step in learning how well I could function. This time, it was my upper extremities that were pushed and used to the point that muscle grew almost instantly . . . almost as fast as your confidence in me.

Little by little you introduced me to many forms of exercise, from belly dancing (which was so much more fun than those abdominal crunches) to Judo, Tae Bo and Yoga. You always paid attention to what I liked and continued those, while giving up the things that didn't seem to match me. I was particularly grateful when that step aerobics class ended.

As more years went by, your confidence in me grew. It was the skydive from

12, 000 feet, a few years ago that was the ultimate test of surrender and trust in me, although I know in my bones, it was really more about you wanting to experience trust when you and I weren't in control that inspired that activity.

The pattern I've noticed in you, Kate, is that the more you experience the possibilities that life holds, the more chances you take.

As long as you keep my health and maintenance in mind, please know I will do my best to maneuver you through all that you desire to experience.

So, it is my turn to say thank you. Being your body for all these years, or as some may put it, the garage for your soul, has been a fun ride and I look forward to safely and comfortably carrying you through many more adventures.

With love and appreciation,

Your Body

Letter to My Body

2011-04-27T09:32:00.003-04:00

Dear Body,

Since we have had a long history of open communication and understanding, and certainly one of mutual respect, I thought it would be wise to put my observations and requests for this next stage of life in writing. From what I understand, at this point in time, relationships like ours can suffer. Communication breaks down, trust is loss and all that was once beautiful and healthy can deteriorate. I want to avoid as many issues as possible between us, so consider this letter as a means to serve us both.

First of all, I want to thank you for holding up so well over all these years. With only a few exceptions, you certainly have functioned at a very high level and with very little discomfort.

That incident with the fractured little finger on my left hand from fourth grade that healed crooked, was obviously you just showing your sense of humor. I'm grateful it has never hurt, so I have joined you in finding amusement in it's lack of perfection. It has always been a reminder that I need not look perfect to feel good.

The pain and deformities that have occurred in my feet, which I understand were due (at least in part) to many of my chosen activities and use of shoe wear are regrettable, although I am exceedingly grateful that they are still able to carry me on long treks and allow me to dance with complete abandon.

That bout of cancer a few years ago was a surprise, but I must say you rallied beautifully on that one. Yes, I know, my mindset and attitude had much to do with my recovery and lack of fear, yet kudos are well deserved for your amazing rebound.

I also appreciate the notice you gave me that it was time to take off that 25 pounds a few years ago. Looking back, I can now see, you had tried to warn me for some time that it wasn't healthy, but I didn't listen. Once your quiet reminders became more pronounced and impossible to ignore, I heeded your call and made the needed changes. I loved how quickly you responded when I took responsibility. You don't need to thank me, your daily messages of lightness and increased energy speak volumes.

Yes, I know my state of well being is partly due to my paying close attention to your messages when there is something awry, or if you are needing something specific, yet I also truly appreciate the innate genetic disposition that supports all of your cells.

With the understanding of that genetic make up, it is quite likely I will be living in you, dear body, for many years to come... so what do you say we make the most of it?

My request of you is that you stay open and willing to be challenged. I promise I will do my best to give you challenges that will serve you and make you stronger, rather than wear you down and destroy your beautiful cells.

On my part, I will stay open to your messages:

I hear you loud and clear that you love the yoga we do together, so that will continue.
Those monthly massages you've been getting ...you can count on those to be part of your regular routine too.
I promise to move you often and take you for beautiful long walks.
I will take care of your skin and will protect you with sunscreen.
I will continue to nourish you with healthy food and at least 8 glasses of water a day.
I will make sure you get at least 8 hours of sleep at night, plus naps when you need them.
I hear you loud and clear on how much you enjoy those long baths, so fear not, as long as you work well enough to fold me into that deep tub, I'm there for you.

So, is it a deal? Can I count on you to be there for me in the strongest and best way possible?

In return I will do my best to listen to you. I know in order to hear you, I must be quiet and tune in since it is at those times, you give me the direction I need to serve us both.

In closing, please know that I look forward to the remainder of the time we have together. May we always move with ease and flexibility; may all of the internal organs work like tops; and may we never forget to say thank you.

With love and appreciation,

Kate

Endings

2011-04-23T09:15:00.004-04:00

It is a bit amusing, albeit a bit sad, to think that at times we humans avoid experiencing a particular role, task, or relationship, since we fear we cannot "be with" it's eventual end. The truth is, there is an ending to everything in this human experience we call life. It is all part of the course. It is not wrong, bad or harmful for us when an ending occurs.

The old adage, "All good things come to an end", is true. The same can be said for that which we may call the bad things of life. It is all simply part of the process. As we move along our life paths, we are constantly given opportunities with which we can play and experiment and then eventually move on with our learning, as endings occur.

Every person we meet, every place we visit, every role we play, every job we take on, every movie we watch, every illness we experience, every relationship we have etc. etc., all serve a purpose.

In times of difficulty, we may learn how strong and resilient we really are. Those times may strengthen our relationships and inspire us to reach for something better.

By the same token, those lovely, enriching and exciting occurrences of our lives that we hope may never end, show up our path to help us learn to be present and appreciate them in every moment.

As every other human, I have experienced countless endings and have mostly accepted them without resistance. Although times, relationships and experiences have ended, the lessons are still with me.

I am no longer a child, although I remember how to play.

I am no longer a nurse, although I still nurture and choose to support others.

I no longer have my father, but am grateful for what he taught me.

My son grew up and left the nest to live his own life. My husband and I celebrate his independence and the man he has become.

Relationships with very close friends, ran their course and ended. I am grateful for having had them in my life while they were there.

Vacations in beautiful places, ended. The memories are still present and inspire me to travel to other idyllic locations.

I have completed working with clients that were a joy to coach. I celebrate their moving on and am grateful for being a partner in their self-discovery.

Each stage of my life so far including: babyhood, childhood, teenage years, young adulthood, and middle-age have ended. Each stage in itself had countless beginnings and endings.

What I take with me now until the final ending occurs, is gratitude. Without endings, beginnings lose their importance.

Conflicts or Peace Talks

2011-03-26T10:44:00.004-04:00

Conflict seems to be a common issue for many of us. Perhaps this is true because we have so many relationships and situations in our lives in which they can arise.

Conflicts can occur with those closest to us, such as our family members or dear friends, with our co-workers and even with total strangers. All in all, there is room for conflict everywhere....even with ourselves.

According to the dictionary a definition of conflict is: a fight, battle or struggle, especially a prolonged struggle; strife. Whenever conflict occurs, it doesn't feel good...at least for most of us that is true. Even when we are standing on the side of what is obviously "right" or "good", when we are in battle, there is no evidence of inner peace, and therefore it is uncomfortable, to say the least.

I also contend that when we are in a state of conflict, we lose touch with our most powerful self. I'm not speaking about our ability to have power over someone else by using our sharp tongue, fists or ability to cut some one else off at the knees with a deep frown and accompanying sneer, but about our innate gifts that make us who we are.

I have a friend that who when connected to her true self, embodies peace. She cares deeply about many issues and even more so about the welfare of the human race. What I have observed in her is that when a conflict arises and she gets hooked into anger, her strength of compassion, integrity and clarity are lost. Although the points she makes in her arguments may be true, it is her desire to cut her opponent down, that interferes with her showing up fully in her 'truest' form. Rather than peacefully standing in her truth, she seeks to overpower her opponent with force. This force exhibited in conflict comes through in her voice (both tone and words) as well as in her energy and body language.

When I witness this expression of anger in her attempt to resolve conflict, I actually see her as weak and scared. When she is hooked by fear, she forgets to look for the gifts in her perceived opponent and therefore loses her ability to really listen to their point of view. Her desire to defend her point and all those people she desires to 'fight for' actually lessens the chances of a resolution that would serve them.

My sense about my friend is that perhaps the most important conflict for her that needs attention is the conflict with herself.

I believe if she trusted herself enough to stay true to who she really is, anger would not be the dominant emotion expressed when she is speaking for her cause. If she felt more secure in herself, which would allow her natural gifts of intuition, clarity and resourcefulness to come forth, it seems there would be a better chance for mutual understanding, and therefore be better able to communicate with her opponent in a way they can hear.

With the exception of the daily conflicts and arguments and put-downs we have with ourselves, it takes a minimum of two to have a conflict. If one person chooses not to attack, but truly listen and then calmly speak in return, there would probably be fewer and shorter wars and more peace talks.

Hope

2011-03-06T13:04:00.005-05:00

It's snowing.... again. Many of my fellow northerners and I believe we have had more than our fair share of snow and have been enjoying the recent melting process as the temperature rose into the 50s. Once again, our dreams of Spring were interrupted by more snow.

As I look out the window and watch this fresh snowfall blanket the ground, I am reminded of the power of hope. You know, that wonderful feeling and belief that all is well, or will soon be well, even when it doesn't look that way. Hope is sometimes our last resort for maintaining sanity when our world, or at least our weather, is not cooperating with our plans.

Yesterday afternoon, my husband returned home after walking our dog, with a tiny flower between his thumb and forefinger. He plucked it from our neighbor's stone wall where daffodils and narcissus will soon be growing in full force.

When he handed the teeny flower to me, it was more beautiful in the moment than a bouquet of roses. This little white bud was a symbol of hope.

Being able to remember that whatever inconvenience, discomfort, lack or hindrance that may be present will eventually subside is supported by hope. Change is always happening. Sometimes change brings something we don't want, and some of the time it ushers in that which we're longing for.

At the end of winter, many of us are hoping for consistently warmer weather, hearing birds sing every morning, tulips and crocuses, long walks without mittens on our hands or ice underfoot, and a feeling of freedom that is a by-product of being in the fresh air.

Some people are hoping for better health or more money. Others may be hoping for a new job or a better place to live or an addition to their family.

Whatever it is that activates our hopefulness, it only feels good when we are believing it will actually come to fruition. If we are focusing more on what we don't want or what may interfere with our hopes, we will not feel the well being that hope provides.

Paying attention to where we are putting our attention is key. Hope feels light, complaining does not.

Although all that I hope for is not yet present, I am enjoying the feeling of lightness that is within me now, even though snow continues to fall.

The Bottomless Well

2011-02-02T18:35:00.003-05:00

I think it would be fairly accurate to assume that like me, most of my fellow humans dream of what they want. We may not want the same things, but it does seem to be part of our innate wiring to "want".

Aside from our specific wants, where I think many of us differ is our level of expectancy to receive what we want. Many of my fellow wanters don't think they are deserving. Many worry about the cost, if their wants require payment of some sort. Some of my fellow humans plot and plan how to make their wants become a reality, causing themselves fear and stress in the process.

It all seems so complicated if one believes there is a formula of some sort to follow in receiving what you desire. My preference is to imagine that which I want as if it is here. When I simply close my eyes, I can see it, and even more importantly....I can feel what it would be like to have it.

I like to imagine a well of wellbeing. In this imaginary well in my mind, all that I want bubbles out when the time is right. I trust that the well never runs dry. I trust that my wants are being created as the well happily bubbles away. I don't sit and keep an eye on the well as I look at my watch, thinking "This want should be ready by now".

Impatience is avoided as I enjoy all other things that come from the well of well being. I have discovered that as long as I am in a state of appreciation and gratitude of all that bubbles forth, I am feeling the well being I desire. The specific things I long for are actually secondary to the feeling of well being, which can be present when I simply enjoy what is bubbling up at any moment.

Over the years as I have practiced sitting alongside the well of well being, my wants have become few regarding material things, but rich in the intangible. I know that what I truly desire is to feel unconditional peace and joy, and that is always there for me, as long as I allow it to be.

The well has no bottom. There is no end to the feelings of well being, regardless of what our physical experience of life may be like. Perhaps we all just need to get clear about what we really want most.

Turning the Mundane to the Sublime

2011-01-23T18:34:00.004-05:00

I receive a few daily inspirational reminders in my email inbox every morning. Some of them are quotes. One that showed up on my screen today was " To bring the sublime into the mundane is the greatest challenge there is"-----Pir Vilayat Inanyat Khan.

This simple statement grabbed my attention today and I immediately made an intention to stay awake to the lessons it can share as I accepted the challenge.

As the majority of my most profound life lessons, this one is simple. It causes me to pause and allow all of the complicating details I can so easily draw into the picture, to spontaneously erase.

What this message means to me is the challenge is not to find things or people to hold my attention, but to be fully present to them so what might typically feel ordinary or mundane will feel glorious.

This state of appreciating the gloriousness of life is not foreign to me. I often experience pure joy in the most simple or usual experiences. What was different today, was I started my day off by looking for the sublime, and to allow myself to feel it fully when it showed up, which was everywhere.

My day turned out to be pretty ordinary.... quiet Sunday morning at home with my husband and my dog. Laced within the ordinary happenings were the sublime experiences of appreciation, of fun and of gratitude. My simple life happens to include great comforts. My full attention to those comforts was sublime.

I also love to quip, find humor and laugh over a variety of unexpected things. My husband is a great source of these things, and today it was particularly sublime.

I enjoy connecting with strangers, and today I was especially open to the magic of these unexpected connections while grocery shopping, and later on a walk with my dog.

I love to cook and the soup that simmered on the stove for hours and later fed us, was sublime. The glass of merlot that accompanied this dinner was more sublime that usual.

Phone conversations, a home visit to a friend recovering from surgery, and some routine email correspondence all had more meaning than usual....simply because I was open to the sublime.

My life does not hold more sublimeness than anyone else's life. What made my mundane day special was that I was fully present to what showed up, appreciating all of it.

Even though it was pretty ordinary, how I felt was not.

Ease and Grace

2011-01-01T17:56:00.003-05:00

At the beginning of each year, I create a motto that I intend to live by in the coming year. This motto is meant to inspire me to live the life I want. It is meant to remind me of what is most important, if I happen to get distracted and forget. It is meant to keep me on a positive track, rather than get derailed and implode into a trillion tiny pieces of stress, fear and angst.

The motto for 2011 is Ease and Grace. Just typing those words make me feel good.

Here's what this motto means to me:

Ease means easy. I love easy. I do my best work and have the best impact on others when it feels easy. I am the most creative and don't judge myself when I am in state of ease. Ease means natural.

I know for many people, natural means to be stressed and that life has to be hard, but I don't buy it. I believe we were all meant to be in the flow of life (regardless of circumstances) and experiencing joy and peace is natural, and even intended, as we navigate through our experiences.

The second component of my motto is Grace. Grace makes me smile too. I named my Porsche Boxter Grace because I felt her taking the curves of the road with complete grace and without any tension or fear the first time I took her out for a ride. My car trusts what makes her great and does not hold back.

Grace also signifies flow to me and a natural way of being. It also feels holy. The word reminds me I am not here having this human experience all by myself. I am being watched over, cared for and loved by God. When I am believing that, and am actually feeling the peace of that understanding, I feel grace.

So, the combination of Ease and Grace is a sure winner to assist me as I ride into the coming year.

I will be reminded not to resist, but to accept. I will be reminded to love, rather than hate. I will remember that love will over-ride fear. I will know that forgiveness will feel better than holding grudges or resentments. Ease and grace will also allow me to be understanding and compassionate, since those elements are a match and feel the same way.

My motto is not about making resolutions, but all about making intentions on how I want to be in the coming year. I intend to be and feel Ease and Grace.

What is your intention for 2011?

Flipping Through the Pages

2010-12-31T15:31:00.006-05:00

It has become a tradition for me the last few years to flip back through the pages of my appointment calendar on New Year's Eve and reflect on the happenings of the previous year.

After having just completed my flipping process, I am once again amazed how fast the months of 2010 have seemed to fly. Of course, I know clock time does not change, it is just our perception of it, but it does seem to have been a fast moving and very full year.

My reflections span the many categories of life, including events involving family, friends, my work and of course the unexpected.

There have been new adventures, some repeated experiences, some new professional triumphs, challenging medical and surgical experiences and some sad good-byes to friends that have left this world.

I received good news and sad news. I have experienced serendipitous, joy filled surprises and unexpected tragedies.

I have traveled to many places, meeting many new people whom I now consider to be friends.

My son was injured in Afghanistan and treated for numerous traumas, but survived, married and became a father to an 11 year old boy, making me a grandmother.

I have supported others through the pages of their lives as they dealt with challenges like failed marriages, cancer, depression and failing businesses.

I have done work that I love and have been challenged to continue to learn and grow, being reminded I will never be done.

I have been inspired by the kids I work with and touched by their willingness to be open with me and their desire to live great lives.

I have been called forth to play even bigger and to imagine doing things and visiting places that I once have only read or heard stories about.

I have laughed myself silly, cried unexpectedly, and calmly met events that at another time in life would have caused me to scream.

I have read many books, filled many pages in my journals and wrote many blog posts.

I have hugged and been hugged countless times, meditated daily and have said thank you often, both silently and loudly .

I have been touched to the core as I have listened to other's stories, dreams and fears.

I have had many massages and pedicures, napped a lot, danced a lot, walked a lot, loved a lot, forgave a lot and downward facing dogged a lot.

I have worn my many hats as a wife, Mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, business partner, mentor, trainer and coach with enthusiasm and joy.

Yep, I can say with complete confidence, 2010 has been a wonderful and full year and trust that every experience will help me face all that is coming in 2011.

My Best Friend

2010-12-26T08:28:00.005-05:00

I have been developing a relationship with a new friend for several years now and am truly enjoying our time together. I am growing and learning every moment we connect and am noticing a greater confidence in myself as a result of this friendship.

My friend does not judge me by my mistakes or my successes. Their opinion of me is not affected by how I look, my mood, how much money I made last year or by the thoughts and beliefs others may hold of me.

My friend encourages me to keep on going when I am frustrated or feeling defeated, and to rest when I am simply too tired to do one more thing.

My friend is a great companion since they are fun to be with, a great listener, and extremely amusing, which always brings out the best in me.

My friend makes me laugh and helps me to not take life so seriously.

My friend understands everything about me.....they know my life story and they don't read more into it than what is actually there. They are not interested in the drama....just the truth.

My friend encourages me to do my best, but understands when I don't. I am always encouraged to simply try again.

My friend calls me on my stuff when I'm making excuses or just plain scared, but never insults me or puts me down. I know they are simply calling me forth to live the way I say I want to.

My friend comforts me or gives me a kick in the pants, depending on what I need, and always knows what is truly needed based on the truth of the moment, not a projection of their ego.

My friend inspires me by interacting with me with love, compassion, understanding and most of all, forgiveness. I trust that they will never abandon me or treat me with dis-respect.

My friend loves me, unconditionally and I will never ever doubt it. In fact, it is the how and the why I choose this life I am living.

I know without my friend's loving kindness, life would be harder, more frightening and certainly not as much fun.

This friend will be a life-long companion since my friend is me.

Attention Humanity: Sprit of the Season Will Be Continued

2010-12-20T15:27:00.004-05:00

Imagine humanity was given notice that the spirit of Christmas will continue past January 1st. imagine what it would be like if our heightened practice of praising Jesus, showing goodwill toward men (and women), generously sharing our wealth with charities, visiting our neighbors with plates of cookies, singing songs of joy, giving gifts to show our appreciation of those we love, speaking to strangers in that merry way that people do this time of year, and basically living our days in a Ho Ho Ho sort of way, could last all year long.

Well, I imagine this quite often and I think it's possible...that is if each one of us remained conscious of living with joy and were willing to love our neighbors indefinitely. The impact would be infectious....just like it is between Thanksgiving and January 1st. If we all agree to practice being kind, respectful, generous, caring, thoughtful, patient, compassionate and forgiving, we can extend this season that feels so good for so many, all year long.

Once we all got the hang of it, I bet we would see a happier world overall. There would be fewer divorces and an increase in number of happy, secure children. Businesses would improve in sales, reinforcing the economy. Politicians would become more focused on doing what's best for the people, rather than their own careers. We'd be taking better care of the planet because more people would sincerely care about their impact. People would listen to one another rather than demanding to be heard. If we maintained the intention of goodwill, eventually wars would end.

Perhaps you think my musing is silly and that it is not compatible with human nature. Isn't it true that when we are stressed, rude, demanding or uncaring we are actually behaving in a way that is incompatible with how we were intended to be?

If my offer to continue in the spirit of the season by living with love and joy all year round appeals to you, feel free to join me. This idea might just spread.....pass it on.

40 Years...Some Things Never Change

2010-11-29T16:33:00.005-05:00

I recently attended my 40th high school reunion. I've attended several earlier reunions and have always had a great time, but this one stood out for me. Maybe it's because 40 seems like such a big number, signifying that I would see huge changes in all of my old friends. Maybe it's due to a belief I held while still in high school that celebrating 40 years of anything, meant you were ancient, and I don't feel like that now that I'm here.

Whatever the beliefs I had leading up to this celebration, I was very happy I attended.

This reunion was an informal gathering, which seemed to allow more room for visiting, reminiscing and lots and lots of laughter.

As I reconnected with each of my fellow 40-year grads, I experienced a sort of surreal feeling...it felt kind of like being caught in a time warp between 1970 and the present day. What I discovered was that even though we have each lived a lot of life since high school, there was a familiar sameness to each person with whom I connected.

It didn't matter what our stories were or how many marriages we've had, what illnesses we have survived, how many children we've parented, where we've lived, what we do for a living or what our plans are for the future. We were all together again as if no time had passed.

Perhaps the greatest difference was that we were now each secure in who we are and did not feel a need to impress or fit in with the crowd. For five hours or so, the clock turned back and I, once again, was connecting with people with whom I had shared a very special time in my life.

At one point in the evening, I sat back and looked around and noticed that each person emitted the same kind of feeling or energy they did in 1970. Mannerisms, facial expressions, the way they laughed and even hugged, was the same. Sure, there was grey hair, different body shapes and facial contours, but the essence of who every one "is" felt the same.

The gift I take away from this experience is the knowing that although we may all be older (obviously), wiser (hopefully) and well-lived (surely), we are still made of the same stuff that was present back in the day when we were first launching into our grown-up lives, not knowing what was going to happen next.

In fact, here we are again, launching into the next stage of life, still not knowing what may be coming next.

Whatever it is, I bet at any point that we reconnect in the future, I will still feel the same "essence" of each of my classmates.

A Spirit's Quest

2010-11-18T12:34:00.003-05:00

I had lunch with a friend today that will be setting off in two weeks on a spirit quest of sorts. He told me he doesn’t know why he’s going, or where he will go, or even what he will do when he gets there. He just knows in his heart that he is being called to travel around the United States (especially in the warmer southern climates), and be of service along the way.

There have been lots of things to do in preparing for this journey, such as selling his house and belongings, acquiring and learning how to operate a travel trailer, and saying good-by to friends and family before setting off on his adventure. He is trimming his belongings to a minimum, taking only what is necessary.

As my friend told his story which led him to this day, I felt his joyful anticipation, his sureness that he is following his purpose and the fear of taking off into the unknown without a plan. It felt like I was a witness to a conversation between his spirit, who was confidently charting his course, and his ego self, that continued to bring up points why this is a crazy idea. It was clear, his spirit has the most influence on his decisions.

As my spirit tuned into his energy the resulting enthusiasm was contagious. Sitting across the table, seeing the no-kidding sureness in his eyes, I noticed my own excitement about living an adventuresome life. Although our spirit’s quests are not the same, that feeling of joy we have when we trust our true self is within us all.

Although I can’t predict specifics, I believe regardless of the experiences my friend may have, he will be enriched, enlivened and an inspiration to others to also follow their spirit’s quests.

Unkindness Does Not Discriminate

2010-10-18T18:00:00.005-04:00

I've been thinking about a young friend for the past few days that encountered a blatant and unprovoked experience of racism from a stranger last week.

Naturally, my friend was stunned and hurt as the verbal attacker told her to return to her own country. (My friend is a U.S. citizen and although born in India, was adopted at a very young age and has lived a very American life). I won't go into why this young woman deserves respect, since I believe we all innately deserve this universal act of kindness. What is dumbfounding to me is that this attack was apparently justified in this woman's mind.

Perhaps, this woman believed she was doing and saying the right thing by sharing her racist and discriminatory remarks. I imagine she was simply afraid that anyone that does not look like her may be taking away some freedom or opportunity reserved for only certain people....those that she approves as worthy. Perhaps her attack was simply her fighting against a perceived injustice and my innocent friend got caught in the cross-fire.

I wonder if this woman considers herself to be reasonable, thoughtful and kind. If she does, then does she believe that kindness is discriminatory? Does she believe only certain colors of skin, or certain life styles, or people from select backgrounds, countries and families deserve kindness and respect? Must we prove to one another that we are worthy of respect? If we are all subject to this potential criticism from those that come from different backgrounds, Is there one list of criterion that justifies our worthiness?

At this point in time, it seems, based on this account, that unkindness does not discriminate. My friend's heart, her talents or her contributions to society were not assessed and weighed, otherwise she would have surely passed the test of deserved respect.

I actually feel more pity for the woman that made the attack, since it is she that apparently does not feel secure enough to see beyond her very narrow minded view. My friend, although hurt by the attack, knows and loves who she is and will continue to be kind, respectful and caring about others, even when they don't look like her.

Miracles Happen

2010-10-07T18:23:00.003-04:00

Today is my birthday. I happen to like birthdays, even though I'm in the age range where they may not typically be celebrated with joyful delight. For me, celebration of life is always in order as long as I'm alive. This particular blip on the calendar of my sequence of years is noteworthy since a week ago today I was in ICU recovering from an emergency abdominal surgery.

The story actually begins two weeks ago while doing some presentations in Jamaica. I noticed I was having some intermittent abdominal discomfort which was easily ignored. My mild complaints never interfered with the wonderful time I was experiencing in paradise.

After two weeks of living in Jamaican paradise, I was ready to return home to my normal routine, which is exactly what I did for the first two days. After eating a simple bowl of cereal for breakfast, just before my first client for the day arrived on September 29th, the mild discomfort I had been noticing intermittently, amped up considerably and became constant. Since I'm a firm believer in not obsessing about every little discomfort, I did my best through that hour long appointment to stay focused on my client. Before another hour passed, I was in the local emergency room, screaming "Uncle". After assessment, I.V. push pain meds and some diagnostic studies, I was off to the next leg of the adventure, a bowel resection. By that evening I was resting comfortably in ICU, minus 6-9 inches of my small intestine.

The miracle piece of this story is that my onset of severe abdominal pain did not occur while visiting a third world country or on a flight back to the U.S., or while waiting for a delayed flight in the Philadelphia airport. It happened a half mile away from a hospital that was able to treat me with complete and competent care.

Today.....(did I mention it's my birthday?), the sun was shining after a long stint of rain. I accepted it as a gift, even a little miracle. I felt great. No pain, good mobility, and no need for medication. The postman then appeared at my door with a box too large to fit in the mailbox, which is always fun. It was a gift from my friend Molly, which was a small pillow with the embroidered words, "In the presence of LOVE miracles happen".

If you follow this blog, you know love is a major focus in my life. I love love. This little hand-stitched gift felt like it was dropped from the hands of my guardian angel, right into my lap.....just in case I didn't make the connection over the past week.

I must say, with all of the excitement, I needed a reminder of what I already knew. Hopefully this lesson sticks.

Accepting Abundance

2010-09-22T11:04:00.002-04:00

I am currently enjoying my tenth day in Jamaica. As I look around and appreciate the beauty of the resort where I am residing for two weeks, and the many people providing services to me as a guest, I'm noticing a difference in my ability to accept the abundance that surrounds me now, as compared to my first day.

When I first arrived, I was hesitant to take full advantage of what was available. For instance, even though I am on an inclusive plan, meaning I can eat and drink whatever my heart or tummy desires, without any additional cost for me, I noticed I was avoiding the highest priced items on the menu. For the first day or so, I did not order dessert, since my meal tab was already way above my typical top limit. I declined a drink before dinner, knowing the cost was high and I could get by without it. I hesitated to accept a golf cart ride to my room, which is a normal offering from the Resort bellman.

Fortunately, it didn't take me long to understand that I was staying in luxurious surroundings with a limited ability to accept the abundance that was being offered. In order to more fully enjoy what was available, I needed to make a shift in my perspective.

By day two, I began focusing on feeling deep appreciation for every luxury, every beautiful slice of scenery, every kindness given by the wait staff, my maid, the desk clerks and concierge. I focused on the beauty of complete gratitude for all of the blessings that are currently available to me. As I practiced this joyful celebration of all that surrounds me, I noticed I felt more at ease in saying "Yes" to the many amenities that are offered.

I can see this lesson is one that I can take home with me when my life returns to normal and I no longer have palm trees, Mango Coladas and a maid to turn down my bed in the evening. I will remember there is no shame in enjoying the many beautiful gifts that life can bring. I will remember that the more I allow abundance to be part of my life, the more I will have to share. I will remember that my living in lack does not improve the life of anyone else.

Accepting abundance in life is like saying we expect to be happy and will allow it to be present. It acknowledges we see ourselves as worthy of being cared for, loved and served.

What I also know is that the more love, kindness and care I allow into my life, and the more gratitude I feel and express, the sweeter life is and the better I am able to pass it on.

Practice, Practice, Practice

2010-08-25T18:24:00.004-04:00

I read a magazine article today that encouraged practicing compassion. The author noted that although he believed we all had compassion in our hearts, it takes practice to truly use this spiritual gift. I love this concept and just happened to have recently made the same connection in a presentation called "The Art of Joyful Living".

It makes perfect sense to me that to get really good at something, you need to practice it. This is true with playing an instrument, singing, dancing, painting and just about anything else where we have a desire to create and perform at our best.

Compassion, as well as other gifts that may be under-used are love, joy, understanding, peace, patience and forgiveness. I suppose many of us are not practicing using these spiritual gifts since we are distracted by some negative things in our lives that demand our negative attention.

Ironic, isn't it, that most of us are well practiced in being stressed, frustrated, holding negative judgments, resentments and even anger, yet these elements are not part of our spiritual make-up? They tend to be part of our reaction to life rather than a response to living.

I've learned in my own life that whatever I focus on dominates my experience of living. If I focus on being victimized or resentful, the emotions I feel will not be very enjoyable. If I get hooked by the negative actions of others and practice feeling angry, then naturally my natural spiritual gifts of love, peace, compassion and forgiveness will not be felt or enjoyed.

Although being angry can often be justified and we can strongly defend our right to fight, what is also true is that when we demand to be "right" and insisting on someone else's suffering, we will always sacrifice peace.

I know it's not easy, but for me, living in a state of joy and peace with compassion and love are worth the practice.

Upside Down Thinking (The Sequel)

2010-08-05T18:50:00.002-04:00

Since My last post on thinking upside down I had some additional thoughts about facing fears.

What I believe made my head stand an approachable fear was that I was in a safe place. Unlike my high school Gymnasium, the Main Street Yoga studio in Mansfield (http://www.yogamansfield.com/) was a very safe place for me to stretch way beyond my comfort level.

There was no one present that was about to laugh or make fun of me as I tentatively got into position, which also made it easy to try something new.

I also had help. My yoga instructor, Kath Thompson, had no doubt I could do it and offered, without force, the opportunity to give it a try. For some reason, for many of us, we are hesitant to ask for or accept help. That may have been true about me when I was 16, but now, I can ask for help, even from strangers, if there's no one around that I know personally.

Trust was also a big factor. I cannot imagine facing and conquering my fears if I didn't trust those that were anywhere near the vicinity of whatever new thing I was about to try.

I find it interesting that many people sometimes hang around with friends that they don't truly trust. I wonder why they would spend their time with someone that did not want to see them at their best, and perhaps even rather see them fail.

The circle of friends that are currently present in my life all pass the trust test. I'm sure as I continue to knock off fears one by one, my true friends will be cheering me on, as I will for them.

Upside Down Thinking

2010-08-04T21:12:00.004-04:00

I had an epiphany while standing on my head earlier today in yoga class. You see, this headstand was a first for me and was a pretty big deal.

Forty plus years ago when I was in high school, I used every possible excuse to get out of performing a variety of physically challenging exercises, and headstands were on my taboo list, along with cart wheels, tumbling and the uneven parallel bars.

Since I was afraid of a myriad of results which included breaking my back as I fell to the ground and the fear of getting stuck upside down and being left to die because my class mates were always up for a laugh, I never expected my head would give the mat such a long kiss. Okay, so it wasn't more than a moment or two (not sure how long a moment actually is), but it was long enough to have an inspiring thought.

What popped into my inverted brain was that if I could overcome a fear that was 40+ years old, I can surely overcome the fears that were more recently developed. In fact, it makes sense to me that those fears from long, long ago have more time to expand to reach a higher than normal fright level.

If I could actually look that fear in the eye, then it must mean I can do it again. In fact, I bet I could knock off two or three fears a day if I put my mind to it.

Sharing the Road

2010-07-29T16:16:00.003-04:00

Last week-end my husband and I spent over 10 hours driving a variety of roads between Pennsylvania and the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Spending many hours in a vehicle is a great opportunity to muse about life and how we all share the road along the way.

As we traveled at 65 miles an hour, I noticed how seamless the cars merged. Some were going at a faster speed, some slower than the speed limit. Some vehicles exited periodically and some were entering the flow of traffic.

As I wondered where everyone was going and what their stories might have been, it struck me how easy travel can be when we all respect each other along the way. There were a few exceptions where I witnessed aggression and a lack of respect, but overall the roads were running pretty smoothly those days.

To entertain myself, I made up stories about our unidentified fellow travelers. Some, I decided, were also going on vacation. Those vehicles often had extra carriers on the roofs of their cars or beach chairs strapped with bungee cords to their bumpers.

I decided some solo drivers were on their way to work, while others were on their way to check out a potential college choice with their son or daughter.

Some car residents were running away from home. Perhaps they just had their heart broken, or lost their job and were off to start a new adventure in a new city.

I imagined some senior drivers were off to visit their grand kids while a young couple in an old Nissan were on their honeymoon.

The possibilities for each traveler's stories were endless. What I was pleased to see was that regardless of the story, the age of the passengers, or their destination, we were all sharing the road with respect for one another.

So, whether you're on the road with other vehicles or traveling the road of life, remember, like you, your fellow travelers all have a story their living out. Give them some space to travel in peace.

The Stress Connection

2010-07-18T17:56:00.004-04:00

Earlier today I was preparing a presentation called The Art of Joyful Living: How to Stay Tuned Into Joy in a Stress-filled World. As I organized my thoughts and I focused on the stress element that seems to steal our joy, I realized more fully than I had previously known, how in control we each are of even having stress.

For many years, I have wondered why the psychology experts offered classes on managing stress. I personally am not interested in managing my stress. I'd prefer to get to the bottom of it and eliminate it if possible. What does managing stress even mean? The image that comes to my mind is lassoing my stress so I can control it, only letting it out at certain times. Another image is putting a leash on it and keeping it at my side, like I do with my dog so he doesn't chase squirrels. Things like taking bubble baths or reading romance novels on the beach have been offered as ways to manage stress.

It's not that I don't enjoy bubble baths, juicy novels and the sound of waves rolling up to the beach. I know these elements can bring peace in the moment, but what about those stresses you managed temporarily when you go back to your real world, without ocean waves and bubble baths? Won't those stresses that I managed be back again, running amok through my life, creating mayhem and heart disease?

What I know about most of the stresses that show up in my life experience is that they are based on fears. I also know fears can be met and even eventually overcome, so why not pay more attention to what my fears are and then in turn eliminate the stresses that are born from them?

A good example is the stress I have when I am required to drive through a city in which I am unfamiliar. My fear is getting lost. Silly, I know. Even if I got lost, I could get un-lost, but it's my fear and it causes stress even thinking about it. I also am afraid of aggressive drivers. What if they scowl or yell at me for going too slow in the passing lane? Yes, I know....that says more about their stress than mine, if they don't have the patience to wait two seconds longer to make their move, but again I sweat even picturing it. I must say this stress is unrealistic since I even have a GPS telling me where to go, but my active mind messages make it real.

It seems the antidote for this particular recurrent stress of mine would be to spend more time driving in cities and getting experience so I don't feel so lost and incompetent. I'm quite certain this recurrent stress could actually evaporate if I no longer gave it so much attention and simply overcame the fear with experience. I could also give myself more positive messages about my sense of direction or my resourcefulness, or I can create a perspective of an adventure where whatever happens is all great food for my spirit.

I am clearly making a connection for myself that my stress is created by me. I am not a victim to it, but rather an accomplice. When I decide that it no longer is one I want to manage, I will let it go. The result will be more room for joy and that is always good for me.

Making It Up On Purpose

2010-07-13T18:03:00.005-04:00

I have never been very goal oriented. It's not that I don't have desires or aspirations, it's just that I have always seemed to dream my dreams as I rolled along in life, rather than set them out way ahead on my path and then work hard to catch up with them. Maybe when I was young I was afraid to be disappointed if I failed, or perhaps I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to even set a goal.

Whatever the reason, my life works just fine playing it out the way I have. My preference is still to feel things out and trust my intuition as I watch opportunities come and go. I focus more on how I want to feel, and then allow ideas to flow that match that desired feeling. My sense is if I was a goal setter, my accomplishments would not be as great as those that were born from inspired ideas in the moment, and the serendipitous results that have come my way. No goals.... just situations, people and opportunities lining up to match me.

My goal-less way of living leaves room for lots of surprises. It's fun making it up as I go. Many times I find myself on a different path from where I started. I know if it is a path worth traveling by how it feels. If it feels hard (like work) and I am not compelled to talk about it with everyone I see, that is not a road I'll want to travel. On the other hand, when I am having fun, even though I am spending countless hours on a project, plus I eat, sleep, breathe, write about and talk about whatever it is, then that's a sure sign that I am in step with my purpose.

If goals work for you and you get excited even thinking about it, then have fun...go for it. If goals seem more like a should than a must, and you feel exhausted with no exhilaration, perhaps making it up on purpose will work for you too.

Lost and Found

2010-07-04T10:47:00.003-04:00

I recently had an experience of losing myself. I generally enjoy being in the presence of my own company, and when I noticed I wasn't enjoying me, it was a big tip off that I got lost. Fortunately, this separation was brief and after only a few days, I found myself.

This separation occurred when I got ill. It wasn't a major illness, just a simple, run of the mill upper respiratory infection that zapped my energy and stimulated my "poor me" self. In my process of feeling disconnected from my "true self", I had some surprises.

One surprise was that the people that are present in my life including those on facebook were extremely supportive. Although in my mind, I was suffering, I didn't think my condition deserved sympathy and support, so that made me feel slightly guilty since my ill feelings were pretty minimal in the big scheme of things. Feeling even a little bit guilty is a sure sign that I lost myself. My true self knows that guilt serves no one and no thing.

Another sign that I was off my usual JOY track was feeling dull. I'm not just talking about my physical energy, but my inner energy. I was certainly not sharing any of my gifts with those around me. I also wasn't feeling creative or inspired. I believe that was due to my focus being on feeling sorry for myself. It's difficult to be in a state of peace and joy, or feel inspired and creative when self-pity is hanging around.

I also noticed I looked forward to a drug induced "high". I looked forward to downing my nightly dose of cherry Nyquil with probably a greater intensity than most people typically experience. Since I normally don't require use of even an aspirin or ibuprofen, my body felt chemically dependent on my drug of choice. As with any un-natural element (even those purchased over the counter), the good feeling didn't last. My drug induced peace left me feeling even more off balance and lost in the morning.

All of these signs created dis-ease for me over the week until I reconnected with my true self (which can feel peace even when the body doesn't feel well). This reunion with the real me occurred when I decided I had enough of my mini siege of suffering. I remembered that I am not my body and that my mind and spirit can over-ride the belief that I must suffer.

Later that day, my body responded in-kind. Symptoms dissipated. I can't say my body felt better because my mind said it was time and I realigned with my "True self" or the bug ran it's course. All I know is losing, and then finding the peace within me that never leaves, is surely best for all that may ail me.

Answers to My Wonders

2010-06-13T18:34:00.003-04:00

Since my last post and my list of wonderings, I have done some thinking and believe I have the answers to my questions...at least to most of them. (http://joyfulleadership.blogspot.com/2010/06/just-wondering.html)

What I believe is that whenever we humans are behaving in an irrational way, we are responding to some sort of fear. It doesn't have to be of the knee shaking variety of fear, it can be more subtle. In fact, most of the time, I don't believe most of us even know any fear is present.

For instance, my question about why people wear sunglasses indoors or on cloudy days tells me that the person is afraid of being seen as they truly are. They may be hiding behind dark lenses, or perhaps are just trying to appear to be cool to those around them. In either case, if they knew they were perfect the way they are, they wouldn't need sunglasses when there was no sun.

Some of my listed wonderings involved a lack of respect for others. Again....fear is my answer. When we are afraid to be with ourselves in an unconditionally loving way, we will surely have judgments about others. We may also fear that someone will get ahead of us in line or in traffic, or we may fear being taken advantage of, or perhaps overlooked. When we're fearful in anyway, we react. Often times it is unreasonable and sometimes even borders on silly.

I can go on here about my overall logic about fear, but I would like to address fear's opposite, which is love.

When we are in a state of love, we are naturally joyful, patient, forgiving, understanding, compassionate and fair. We are also in a state of peace when love is where our mind and heart happens to be resting.

If I am loving myself, I have no fear about what other's may think of me. I have no fear of how I look. I have no fear for the future or of anyone taking advantage of me. If I am not judging myself, I am also not judging others. Love is that soft and lovely place in my mind and heart where I know that all is well with me and all.....no matter what.

Of course, like the rest of my fellow humans, I slip into fear from time to time. The good news is that I'm usually aware when it happens. As long as I know I'm in fear, I can always find my way back to love.

How do I know when I slipped into fear? Simple...it doesn't feel good. Love feels much better.

Just Wondering

2010-06-05T10:14:00.004-04:00

My mind sometimes gets on a tangent of wonder. Many of the things I wonder about aren't exciting or potentially life changing, but they do amuse me. Here's some things I'm wondering about today.

I wonder why people wear sunglasses on cloudy days or indoors
I wonder why parents scream at their children to stop screaming
I wonder why drivers yell obscenities at other drivers for committing a rude act while driving
I wonder why people order whipped cream on their Skinny Lattes
I wonder why people order a diet soda with their Whopper and Fries (super sized)
I wonder why people complain about being stiff, yet never stretch
I wonder why people say they are good Christians and are following the teachings of Jesus, yet judge other people
I wonder why people complain about having wrinkles, but don't wear sunscreen
I wonder why people smoke, yet complain about being out of breath or coughing all the time
I wonder why people complain about the high cost of food and still buy empty calorie snacks
I wonder why people claim to be exercise fanatics but will drive around a parking lot repeatedly waiting for a closer parking space to open up
I wonder why people cheat on their calorie counting
I wonder why people share their email addresses, but never check if they have messages
I wonder why people say yes when they mean no and then complain about doing what they said yes to
I wonder why people complain about being depressed and continue to focus on things that are depressing
I wonder why people lament that they have no friends, yet never make a move to be friendly to someone else
I wonder why people complain about rude or mean things people may say to or about them, yet continually say similar or worse things in their own mind
I wonder why people complain about other people (loved ones, co-workers etc.) behind their backs, but don't tell them directly what it is they expect, or how they feel
I wonder why people stay in relationships, jobs or habits that are not at all fulfilling and make no efforts to improve their situation
I wonder why some people call themselves fearless leaders, but are afraid to tell the truth
I wonder why people demand respect, yet don't show respect to others or even themselves
I wonder why people avoid eye contact with another while they long for connection

Yes, I know these may be some of the great mysteries of life, yet I will attempt to answer them, since wondering for me always takes me somewhere else. Stay tuned for the next post. I invite your responses in the interim.

The Hug Connection

2010-05-30T16:42:00.005-04:00

I have always been a hugger...friends, clients, seat mates on long flights...doesn't matter. It's easy for me. In fact, sometimes I have to stop and remember that not everyone is comfortable being hugged. I realize personal space issues may preclude some from opening their arms to another, and I respect that, although I believe everyone is longing for connection, rather than separateness.

My hug value was recently stimulated when I saw a You-tube video of a young man holding a sign that read "Free Hugs" while strolling a busy thoroughfare. At first, he was ignored, but eventually the hug fest began and grew quickly. If I was on that street, I would have surely accepted his offer. I loved watching the easy connection these apparent strangers made with the hugger when they let down their guard and allowed themselves to be hugged.

After enjoying and watching it several times, this hug video stimulated an idea for a fundraiser for my Relay for Life team that raises money for the American Cancer Society. There were quite a few tourists in town this holiday week-end, so sidewalk pedestrians were in high number. We set up on the sidewalk on Main Street with a sign that advertised Hugs for a Cure and a bucket to accept donations. It turned out to be an even more inspiring time than I had anticipated, and not just because we collected a nice sum of money for our cause. What I did not expect was how uplifting it would be to hug so many people. I noticed my joy soared with every hug I gave.

Some of the huggees were friends, but most were total strangers. As I offered hugs, many a passerby did not even look my way. Others, glanced in my direction and said "No, thank you". When someone responded to my offer with "Sure, I'd love a hug", my heart sang. What I soon realized was that it was the shift from anonymity to connection that touched my heart. Part of the joy for me was to know that many people are willing to reach out, be touched and to touch another....without knowing each other's life stories, let alone approving of one another. It was a great example of unconditional connection.

The more I greeted pedestrians, the more I enjoyed the experience. Those stepping up to be hugged were from all age groups. Some were fellow cancer survivors like the woman that is now in remission after Stage 4 ovarian cancer. We held on to each other for an extra long time.

One woman shared she was on vacation alone and now she didn't feel alone. She came back for a second hug a bit later.

One woman wept on my shoulder as she told me how much she missed her mother who passed away a few months ago.

Another was an elderly man that dropped twenty dollars in our bucket, holding back tears as he shared his daughter's cancer story.

Several of our huggee donors were wee little ones that would drop a dollar in the bucket and then oh so sweetly wrap their little arms around my neck as I stooped down to their height. One little girl (that I will never forget), joyfully leaped into my arms and hung on. She apparently had no personal space issues.

At one point, a group of a dozen Harley motorcyclists were waiting for the traffic light to change so I called them to stop for a hug. One fellow while on his bike, put out his arms to mimic a hug, so I ran out to the street and filled the space he offered.

Another young man that I pre-judged to not be a likely hug candidate due to his multiple piercings, tattoos and hard edge style of dress accepted my hug offer without hesitation. Sweet.

During both days of my hug shifts, I was exhilarated. It became easier and easier to offer a hug and remember not to take it personally, if I was turned down. Missing out on some hugs did not detract from those that occurred. Those that chose to engage with me, hopefully walked away feeling the same joy of connection that I did.

So if you ever see me on the street, in the airport, conference room, theater lobby, grocery store or anywhere else, feel free to open your arms and offer a hug....I will surely accept.

The Death Threat That Didn't Work

2010-05-20T20:56:00.002-04:00

Last week I received a death threat via email. The message informed me that a friend has paid a large sum of money to have me killed. The purpose of the note was to give me a chance to save my life by (you guessed it) paying $5000 for the information about my upcoming murder. This was my first death threat (at least in writing) and has provided a great deal of fun within a circle of my friends as predictions are made about the how and the when. I'm sure the purpose was to scare the bejeebers out of me, but my bejeebers are all intact.

According to my note, I have another seven days to live.

Over the past week I have thought about how I would be if there was a real death threat on my screen of life. What would I do? I suppose, I could never really know, but my sense is that I would not change the way I was living, even if I knew someone or something (like an illness or accident) was going to soon end my living existence in this body.

I would not choose to live in fear, looking over my shoulder at every turn for the assassin, accident or illness that was threatening to take me out. I would live my life in the best way I know. I would want to cultivate joy in all that I do..... to connect with love with all that I see. I would want to be fearless in my quest for life's experiences and to squeeze every drop out of the time I had. I would laugh a lot, eat great food and enjoy my friends and family every moment I had. I'd be grateful for every gift in every day. I would allow myself to feel and express emotions and go from laughter to tears and back to laughter without explanation or apology. I would forgive all those that no longer cared about me. I would hug everyone that would accept it. I'd treat myself to massages, yoga, wonderful books, and lovely wines in pretty stemmed glasses. I'd push my body to be stronger, even when I was tired and weak. I'd constantly create new ideas and then turn them into realities. My mind and spirit would be curious and playful even when my body no longer worked.

The bottom line is, I would not want the threat of death to keep me from living life while I waited for it to end.

Perhaps if we all see death as a fact and not as a threat looming over our shoulder, we'd all be happier living each moment in the time we have. I know I will.

Lesson in the Dust

2010-05-16T16:09:00.002-04:00

Earlier today I was on a six mile hike on a dusty, dirt road that serves up some breathtaking views around every turn. I love this trek since I can walk for miles without running into another human being. I see lots of birds and wildlife going about their business, but rarely even see a car go by.

This morning, my peaceful connection with nature was unexpectedly interrupted. As I was taking in the view at the top of a hill, a small red pick up truck raced by me. I was startled by the speed of the vehicle on a road such as this. The driver was apparently unaware that his speed left a tornado of dust behind affecting a lone walker.

As he buzzed down the hill, I thought about all the times that I am also unaware of what disturbance or discomfort I am unintentionally creating for someone else. Either because I am in a hurry, distracted, stressed, scared or just not present, I can also leave someone in the dust. I know the red pick-up driver and I are not alone. Many of us, much of the time, are so tuned into ourselves, we lose our sense of awareness of others. We don't intend to have a negative impact, but it can easily happen.

As I dusted myself off and continued on my way, a few minutes later, I spotted another vehicle coming towards me. This driver pulled off the side of the road apparently waiting for me to pass. At first I wondered why, but then realized, he was not wanting to leave me in the dust. A moment later another vehicle came along and offered the same courtesy.

My experience with the second and third drivers was far different than the first. It felt good to have been seen and thought about in a positive way.

After a brief hello and an offering of gratitude to these drivers, I once again continued on my way reminded that the more I stay present, the better I can be aware of how to avoid kicking up dust for others on my path.

The Dream Evolution

2010-05-08T08:10:00.003-04:00

For many years I have had a recurrent dream. The main theme has been constant, although the general feel of it and the outcome has gradually evolved. Last night, this dream evolved, once again.

The setting for this dream is a school. I could never really tell what kind of school, but it definitely was a place of higher education.

When I was a young girl, this dream, which was actually more of a nightmare, was very unsettling. The bell would ring and I wandered the halls, not knowing where to go. I feared I would get in trouble for missing class and that I would fall behind in my lessons. Everyone else was very busy and intent on making it to their own classes and refused to help me, so I felt alone and lost. This theme recurred for many years.

Approximately ten years ago, the feel of the dream changed. The bell would ring and I still did not know where my classroom was, although I was no longer afraid. I felt perfectly calm as I walked around the myriad of hallways, without attachment to ever finding my classroom. At this stage the dream evolved from nightmare status to just a dream.

Last night, this dream evolved once again. The bell rang and although I didn't know right where to go, I found my classroom quickly and easily. I'm not sure how I knew, I just did. It was almost as if I tuned into my personal GPS system and found my way without hesitation.

So, what does this all mean? Although I am not a dream interpretation expert it seems this dream's evolution matches my experience of learning in the school of life.

When I was a young woman, I was very much afraid of missing out, being late and getting into trouble. This perspective was limiting, created self doubt, inner turmoil and was not very fulfilling. As I matured emotionally and spiritually, the next phase of the dream when I was okay with being lost, paralleled an acceptance of being where I was. I was no longer in fear of what others thought or would say and I had no fear of falling behind in my studies. I also did not rely on someone else to take me to my classroom, or to save me.

I celebrate the latest version of my dream since I believe it is a signal that I am finally learning that my direction in life is within me, not outside me. There is nothing to fear, I am never really lost, and I always know wherever I go, whatever choices I make, I will learn. The greatest lesson for me is to trust. When I simply tune into my inner guidance, I will find my way.

My sense is that this dream theme is not complete since the learning in life is never done. Stay tuned for the next stage of this dream's evolution.

The Big Bang

2010-04-22T15:10:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, while enjoying my peaceful morning routine, I was startled by a big bang. I suppose I could actually call it an explosion. At any rate, it woke me up, and I realized how I sometimes sleep, even when my eyes are open.

The explosion involved an egg and my microwave. A favorite breakfast of mine is a poached egg, which typically takes 45 seconds to cook and then served on a multi-grain English muffin. Simple, quick and delicious.

Somehow, my peaceful and predictable routine went off course. I don't know if I miss-timed the microwave, or if my egg was smaller than usual, but something did not go as planned. The loud bang of the egg blowing apart and sticking to all sides of the microwave made me wonder what warnings I missed. When I am awake and present, I typically hear a subtle sound that indicates the egg is done and to stop the cooking. I missed it and am not sure where my mind was when I was missing it.

In my typical fashion, I looked at the Big Bang incident as a sign for living my life in a better way. These are the lessons I have made up from the experience:

I am always better off if I stay present...tuned in and noticing what is going on around me. This lesson, of course, does not apply when meditating. At that time, I go inside and tune out all that surrounds me. (I never cook eggs while meditating).

Sometimes I need a "shake up". I can fall into routines of what I do and how I think. My kitchen explosion reminded me to mix up my experiences and to do so with intention and a certain level of wakefulness and presence.

Clean up all messes that occur in your life as soon as possible (these messes include relationships). When left unattended, most messes (like egg) will harden requiring more time, sweat and tears (literally) to get things looking and feeling good again.

I'm grateful for my learning and vow to be more present more of the time. I also intend to have a smoothie for breakfast occasionally....no risk of explosions.

BeLoved

2010-04-10T18:30:00.005-04:00

A friend gave me the gift of this shirt seen in the photo several years ago. She knew me well at the time and knew I would love it. She was right. I have worn the shirt too many times to count. Each time I wear it, I feel it's meaning, which is actually a double meaning.

Sometimes I see that the message says "Be loved", which can be the perfect reminder that I must allow myself to "be loved", or in other words keep the door open to my heart, so I can feel love. What is necessary to feel love is to know that I am lovable beyond conditions. Whether I have made any recent errors in judgment, caused any problems, or just didn't do enough in that particular day, I am lovable. I love feeling lovable, by the way....it brings out the best in me.

Sometimes I see that the message says "Beloved" and that is a beautiful reminder for me to focus on sending love. Looking at those around me as Beloved Ones creates a softness..... a peacefulness inside me that feels right and natural. Aren't we all Beloved souls? Must we judge ourselves as being lovable or not?

It makes me wonder what the world would be like if we all wore Be loved shirts every day. Maybe we all just need a reminder of how much we're loved and if we knew that, how much more we would love others (without condition, of course).

The State of Wait

2010-04-08T18:33:00.003-04:00

I had an epiphany early this morning when I was feeling a bit "off " from my usual state of being in a happy groove. I realized it was because I was waiting for something to happen. What I have been waiting for doesn't really matter since waiting in general (at least for me) never carries any joy with it.

When I am in a State of Wait, it's almost as if my joy and wellbeing are on hold waiting for something to happen. I don't know about you, but if there's another way to live, rather than being in a State of Wait, sign me up.

As I continued to ponder this question, I came up with a few alternatives to the State of Wait. The states of faith, trust, positive expectancy and pure unadulterated focused desire without attachment seem like great substitutions.

Perhaps the biggest negative hook associated with waiting is attachment to an occurrence happening just as I have imagined. Sometimes I wait for other people to do what needs to be done, so I can have my way and once again be happy. Handing over my sense of wellbeing to someone else is always risky. Whatever I'm waiting for may not be as important to them as it is to me. Maybe they don't even know I'm waiting.

So, my little epiphany has healed my recent focus of waiting. Now, I choose to be open, trusting, believing and expecting that everything will work out perfectly, even if I don't know what perfect really is.

Socks Without Partners

2010-03-30T10:59:00.003-04:00

For some time now, I have experienced a struggle in a compartment of my life....my sock drawer. I have recently been pondering this issue in hopes of understanding how I may be contributing to the problem and how I could perhaps solve it.

The issue on my mind is regarding missing socks....especially black socks. What in the past was only an occasional issue has become a growing and increasing aggravation. You see, each time I do laundry I lose at least one sock. When this first occurred, I was hopeful although not optimistic, the missing sock would return to its mate. As the winter months have passed, however, and the number of socks without partners increases, my hopefulness has faded.

I really love socks and often would invest in designer brands that have a bit of style. In light of the MIA status of my socks, I now pick up plain and inexpensive brands that lack any style. With this prevailing issue and its worsening nature, I am sometimes caused to put two mismatched socks together in a temporary partnership. Hopefully, no one notices.

So, what can I do about this aggravating issue? In my usual way of taking whatever is happening in my life and making a metaphor out of it to look at a bigger picture, I realize that when I expect something to go wrong, it does. When I purchase cheap socks because I know one will be missing next week, it happens.

By the same token, if I am in a state of positive expectancy that things will work out in my favor, they do. Call it faith, trust, intention or the powers of attraction, it works....every time.

I am reminded to be careful where I am putting my focus, for whatever is focused upon, expands. I believe, without question, I am at the root of my sock drawer filled with singles, and I know I can change the tide.

Perhaps the quickly approaching sandal season will give me the chance to clean up my focus, so I can start fresh at the beginning of the next sock season. For now, my socks without partners will have to find a new mate.

The Joy of Dreaming Dreams

2010-03-23T18:16:00.004-04:00

Since the first season of the television show, Amazing Race, I have been dreaming about being a contestant. It's not that I care about winning a million dollars, although I would gratefully accept the prize if I won. I'm not even very competitive..... it's just that I thought it would be a challenge I could meet, without losing myself in the process.

For several years, I interviewed friends and relatives as prospective partners for this adventure. I have been seeking a partner that had a good sense of direction (since that is not one of my gifts) and someone that would not yell at me when I made a mistake. My contribution to the partnership would be doing any of the dare devil stunts since I'm not afraid of heights and love a thrill. I narrowed down my search to three people that fit the bill as a partner.

After enjoying my dreaming process for five years, it suddenly fizzled up in smoke a few weeks ago. I was in the midst of a 12 day business trip which held various challenges. I was holding up well and maintaining a positive attitude until I went without my usual eight hours of sleep three days in a row. I flew from the West coast to the East and back again in a three day period.

The demise of this dream became apparent as I was trudging through the Charleston airport at 4:30 a.m. I felt like a rag doll that went through the spin cycle and lived to tell about it. There was no joy within and I found no humor in my business partner's jibes. Obviously, if I couldn't handle cross country travel, jetting from continent to continent days apart would not be my thing. I couldn't believe it that a dream that gave me so much joy was gone and gone for good.

As I now look back on my dreaming process, I don't regret it at all. The reason for this is that I had great fun in the dreaming, planning, and imagining how I would show up in the challenging situations the contestants face.

Although it is clear to me now that I require regular meals, healthy snacks, rest and luxury accommodations when I travel in order to maintain a joyful attitude, the dreaming process of racing around the world was clearly and thoroughly enjoyable.

As in so much we live in life, it is enjoying the process that matters.....even when it comes to dreaming.

Heaven's Greeter

2010-03-10T18:40:00.002-05:00

Last week-end, while on retreat amidst the Redwoods of Northern California with my leadership tribe, the Thunderbeings, those of us present had a conversation about the last standing member creating a tribute of some sort for all those that have passed previously.

Several years ago while on another retreat we created a strand of beads that acknowledges all 24 Thunderbeings. Since that time we have mailed the beads from member to member so that we each have part-time stewardship of this representative strand. Part of what we envisioned last week would be that the last member standing would have some sort of memorial for us all using this strand of beads.

Although that sounds like a beautiful ceremony to create if I should be the last member standing, my mind drifted in the other direction. I began to think what fun it would be to welcome my Thunderbeing friends to the other side. You know, kind of like a Wal-Mart greeter with wings.

If I can be a heavenly greeter, I would be keeping my eye peeled for all those that I love that still remained on earth. I wouldn't want to rush their transition, yet I would be very happy to greet them and show them the ropes in Heaven. This would be an important job, especially if the inductee has not experienced bliss on earth. I expect it would be a welcomed site to see someone they know standing at the gate with a big smile, a hug and some kind words of welcome. I suppose those new inductees won't need a cart, since there is nothing to buy, but I expect a map of how to find your way around the clouds would be in order.

I personally always appreciate someone that has already walked a path to guide me when I travel to a new place, both physically and spiritually. It would be an honor to show some new angels the ropes......get then oriented to a new way of being.

For some of my friends, I am sure they would be surprised to find themselves stepping through the pearly gates (there's no need to mention names here....you know who you are). They may need some special attention in helping them to acclimate to a realm of complete and utter love . Others will not be surprised to walk on clouds, since they do it daily in their earthly lives.

The great news about what I expect about being Heaven's Greeter is that all that enter will forget all that was, forgive all that has been and will be open to experiencing complete and unconditional love. Yep, I think I am a good fit for the position since that is what I'm shootin' for on earth. One of my thunder sisters, CJ, is already on duty, I am sure.

So, if you are a friend of mine and even if you are not, I (when my time comes) will take my post at the gate with JOY. If I happen to be your greeter, expect that you will feel loved and filled with peace as we realize without question or doubt that we really are ONE and have always been.

Reach for Love

2010-02-20T15:01:00.002-05:00

On a flight last week from Detroit to Minneapolis, I was aware of a young Japanese family occupying the seats in front of me. I periodically heard the mother and father speaking to their children, a little boy appearing to be around 5 years old and an 18 month old wearing a bib that said "Teething Sucks". Although I couldn't understand what they were saying, I felt the loving energy being exchanged.

A short time before we were to land, I noticed the baby was peeking between the seats at me. He had a grin on his face, that is if you can call three teeth a grin. Once he caught my eye, he reached his hand between the seats. I laughed as I saw this pudgy little forearm and wriggling fingers come into my space. I accepted his invitation and returned the gesture by reaching out to him and grasping his hand. We played this game for several minutes, interspersed with a game of peek-a-boo.

When the plane landed and the passengers stood to disembark, the baby's mother bowed to me and smiled. I returned the gesture.

As I walked through the airport, I thought about how this baby was so overflowing with love, he couldn't help but reach out for more and to pass it on to someone else, which fortunately happened to be me. I'm quite sure, this child's loving joy was unconditional and wouldn't have been affected negatively if I did not receive his love and extend mine to him.

When I transfer this little love lesson to other places in my life, I realize that as we grow up many of us do not express ourselves as freely. Perhaps we're afraid our love will not be received which keeps us from taking the risk to reach out. Maybe our hesitancy to take that risk is due to us not loving ourselves.

Without question, my little flight mate had no question about whether or not he was worthy of love or in any way unlovable. He was right. My intention is to believe this is true about me too, so I will continue to extend my love and reach out to others, knowing I am lovable whether anyone grasps my hand or not.

2010-02-20T15:00:00.001-05:00

An Old Cat Learning New Tricks

2010-02-12T19:21:00.005-05:00

I am currently visiting my friends, the Larsons', in Albert Lea, Minnesota and have had the opportunity to observe an old cat learning new tricks from a new and very active kitten that has recently joined the family.

Cuppy, a nearly sixteen year old feline has been enjoying what would be similar to human retirement for many years. His sedentary life has now changed, however, since a new, extremely energetic and playful kitten, Buddy has been welcomed into the household.

What my friends have noticed is that Cuppy has recently shown some signs of returned youthfulness. For instance, he has rediscovered his courage to investigate surfaces higher than three feet from the ground, rather than staying within the safety of the floor, sofa and chairs.

In addition, a long gone experience of dashing about the house at fast speeds, has now become routine. At first, it only occurred when chased by his much younger step kitten, but now seems to be occurring at random, purely for the joy of it.

The lesson that is becoming very clear to me in watching this old cat learn new tricks is that we are never too old to renew our vitality for life. If we remain open to being inspired by those around us that seem to have no limits or inhibitions, we can expand our capacity for joyful living. When we forget our age and its associated perceived limitations, and remain open to learning new tricks, the joy of life will never end.

Keeping your Spark Plugs Clean

2010-02-09T18:08:00.002-05:00

My husband is a part-time motor head. He often speaks in car language and over the past 36+ years of our marriage, I have picked up a few lessons on the art of automobile maintenance. One of those lessons is that you need to run the engine of an otherwise grounded car periodically so you can clean the carbon off the spark plugs. This is important since the spark of the plugs ignites the fuel in the cylinder. From what I understand, that is an important part of the process of an engine running.

On Sunday afternoon, my husband recommended I take my Boxster out for a ride to do some spark plug cleaning. It was a cold, but clear day and there was no salt on the roads to threaten Grace's body (Grace is my car's name), so we took her for a spin to clean some carbon.

As I drove the back roads of our county and the spark plugs let go of their carbon build up, I was seeing the connection between spark plugs and the human spirit. What struck me was just as when a car is not used at its full potential and performance, carbon builds as compared to a human's spirit becoming laden with worry and fears if it does not experience a cleaning through some sort of joyful activity.

Unlike automobiles, our spirits have more choices in ways to keep our spark burning. We can do it by actively engaging in some activity like a sport or game. We can also accomplish the task by being quietly present in the moment. We can meditate, journal, laugh, blog or talk with a friend. We can read, cook, sew, knit or play music. We can take a bath, play with a child, or love the work we happen to be doing. There's an endless list of spark plug cleaning activities.....in short, it would be whatever makes you feel good. As long as you feel good, I believe you are keeping your spark plugs in tip top shape so they can ignite the fuel of your spirit that keeps you running through life like a top.

Seems easy enough to do, right? That is as long as we are aware of how our lives are running. If we accept sluggishness or struggle as normal, perhaps we wouldn't realize our spark plugs need cleaning.

If we want to be living at a high performance level, then regular maintenance checks for the spirit would be in order. I plan on having my spark plugs cleaned daily....how about you?

Playing the Game of Life

2010-01-25T12:52:00.004-05:00

I love to play games of all sorts. I tend not to be especially competitive in my game playing since for me, typically, it is more fun to enjoy the process than to be the ultimate winner. Of course, when I do win a game, or even just seem to be doing well at any given time, I enjoy that too, it just isn't mandatory that I always win. I recently was comparing my gaming style with my style of living life and discovered there are many similarities.

When I play a board game I enjoy the element of chance.....the roll of the dice, or the card I pick from the top of the deck. In my Game of Life, there is that same element of chance and unpredictability. Not knowing for some, I suppose, is unnerving. I have grown to enjoy not knowing and delight in the surprises.

Some games call for strategizing. I love calling on my wits and past experience as I make my choices on the moves I could make. Just as in life, there are typically multiple options. In these cases, if I simply am unsure, I rely on my intuition to guide me. Once again, also true in the Game of Life. Whatever my choice, I always get another chance.

My game playing experience has also taught me there can be an advantage to paying attention to those that are playing the game with me and making some moves relevant to what I predict they may be planning. This is my least favorite way to play since having my personal outcome affected by what someone else is doing (or not doing) seems less empowering somehow.

I can also learn a lot by paying attention to those that frequently seem to win the game. In watching my husband play Scrabble for instance, I have learned to take my time and to always be present to what is happening. He never loses focus. He doesn't brag or boast about his climbing score, but just plays his best game. I know this tactic certainly pays off in the Game of Life too and it feels good in a grounding sort of way when I stay present and simply enjoy the triple score blessings that fall into my lap .

Whether playing Cranium, Boggle, Catch Phrase or the Game of Life, I know I can't lose when I am enjoying the process of the game and not taking any of it too seriously.

Right From the Start

2010-01-21T18:23:00.002-05:00

Back in 2002 when I first dreamed up the concept for Project: Inside Out, an anti-bullying and leadership program for teens, I knew that the concept of respecting yourself first would create a greater understanding of and with others, if little kids would learn and practice the lessons right from the start.

I began working with teens first and later brought programs to the Middle School, all the while adjusting the method of teaching so that it was appropriate for that particular age and grade. This week, Project: Inside Out was finally introduced in a puppet show in the Charlotte Lappla elementary school in my community.

The puppet show, entitled Toucan Be Happy, was about a Toucan that moved to the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon from the Rain forests of South America. Needless to say, two of the local animals, Felix the fox and Rikki the raccoon, mercilessly teased Tiki toucan for being different. Without giving away all of the story, I can tell you it has a happy ending, thus the title.

This week while putting on the shows with my protege, Ashley, a high school student and previous Project: Inside Out grad, who has taken on this program as her senior project, we both were very pleased to see that these little people understood the concept of when we think positive things about ourselves, we will be our best in the way we treat others. They also understood how when we are not feeling good about ourselves, we are more likely to pick on others. It is our choice and it will always feel good to be kind, since that is how we naturally are.

My dream is that more and more little humans will learn this lesson right from the start, and practice it all through their school years and into adulthood. Perhaps then the need to, tear down, insult and/or compare themselves to other humans, who are also struggling to hold on to the truth that lies within them, will shift.

My dream is that all people of all ages will someday know they cannot be compared to another and that all we have to do is remember the beautiful truth of who we are and we will see it in one another.

Simple lesson..... yes? Maybe if the new little humans get it early on, the rest of us will catch up.

Goodies for the Soul

2010-01-09T18:38:00.004-05:00

There is an inspiring woman in my community named Dawn Pletcher that has organized an impressive and generous organization called Goodies For Our Troops. I can't say how long Dawn has been organizing volunteers to wrap and pack the various goodies and personal items, as well as solicit donated items from vendors, that our troops overseas would love to receive. All I know is that since I first met Dawn requesting donations while sitting at a card table at a local grocery store entrance two years ago, I have been a supporter....albeit from a distance.

At the time of my first awareness of Goodies For Our Troops, my son was still a civilian, safely working at his job as a vintage race car technician. Now he's stationed in Afghanistan, and is on Dawn's list to regularly receive Goodie packages.

Today was my first opportunity to physically take part in the process of preparing the items for shipment, and I must say I was not only inspired by Dawn's vision and leadership in pulling off such a huge undertaking, I personally got to take part, and had a soul-filling experience.

As I walked into the activity room of a local senior citizen apartment complex, I was greeted by a young man that asked me to sign in and to write a personal note to one of our servicemen/women. Next, I received my assignment from Dawn to cut bubble wrap for the folks wrapping the Goodies at a table at the far end of the room. Our work went quickly, yet there was time to chat and get to know those working nearby. I found l loved mindless work that was still productive.

Soon, we were finished with that job, so I looked around the other tables for where my help might be needed. This time, I graduated to wrapping and once again the friendly conversation with some new friends continued.

Why I called this day Goodies for the Soul is because it was clear that the folks that filled that activity room were all there because they wanted to help. People wanted to give something to our service men and women that expressed their gratitude. The level of true, heart felt caring was palpable.

A side effect of this lovely organized week-end of "giving" was that all those that were donating their time were experiencing a lovely gift themselves.....the gift of community, caring, sharing and even love.

I have to admit, I have wanted to help and contribute my time to this great cause for some time, but before I experienced it, I did not expect to walk away filled myself. I imagine the feel the energy that Goodies For Our Troops produces today is probably much like that during WW ll, where all the supporters, safe on U.S soil, had the opportunity to say thank you to the troops by rolling bandages, taking over factory jobs and rationing.

Although my fellow volunteers, some of which had traveled from other communities to lend a hand, were there to honor the U.S. troops overseas, I, a very proud Mom of a U.S. army private, and citizen of the U.S., unexpectedly walked away with the greatest gift of all.....a soul goodie.

Story of a Recovering Pleaser

2010-01-07T18:01:00.002-05:00

I previously suffered from a condition called pleasing. My condition started benignly, where it seemed normal and right to try to please all those that I came in contact with. However, after forty years, I caught on to the fact, that my pleasing was actually a sickness. I didn't always feel good when I was pleasing.

What made my pleasing a sickness was that my desire to serve was not fully coming from my heart, but rather from a place of wanting to earn approval and even love. Being validated as a good person was important. I'm not sure why I didn't know that fully at the time, but for some reason, having proof was vital.....hence the desire and actions to please.

I am currently in my 17th year of recovery, and feeling quite healthy, I must say. The good news is that I didn't lose any friends (at least that I know of), my family still invites me to gatherings and gives me gifts on my birthday and Christmas, my son grew up to be an independent and loving man and my husband is still happy he's married to me.

What I learned in my recovery process was that all I had to do was say "YES" to the things that made me feel good.....to do the things that brought me joy. Whether it is doing a favor, lending a hand to a friend, working on a committee or taking a job, I now know that if that action does not please me, then it will not serve someone else.

To fellow pleasers that read this and are believing I don't care about anyone else, take note......putting your worth and value as a being on this planet in the hands of someone else that you have tried to please, is dangerous business. You may or may not receive praise and lavish acknowledgements for pleasing, but if you are not pleased with and by yourself, unconditionally, you will never fully live in joy.

If you would like to start a local chapter of "Pleasers Anonymous", feel free to contact me. I have a feeling you would be in the company of many friends.

Instinct ...The Natural Guidance

2010-01-03T18:27:00.004-05:00

While I was walking my dog this afternoon, I noticed that his actions appeared to be completely instinctual. Thor didn't stop to think what he should sniff and what he should avoid. His movements were natural as if he seemed to know what was right for him in any given moment. It made me wonder what it would be like if humans followed their noses the way animals do.

As Thor walked me around the block, I noticed how excited he was to be outdoors. It was apparent that being outside in the wild, so to speak, brought out an uninhibited joy. He tugged me along sniffing every spot that another dog or cat preceding him may have left a message. (My husband calls this part of his walks reading pee-mails). He also left his messages for those that will follow.

At times, he would stop and sniff the air as if to bring himself present to what else was possible and available to explore near by.

The most fun observation of Thor being instinctual was his delight. He was not following anyone else's plan for him. He was on a leash, so he went where I directed, yet he seemed to find joy wherever we went.

As I appreciated his enjoyment of natural freedom, I wondered what happened to us humans.

Did we forget that our natural tendency and instinct is to be happy? Did we forget that joy is always within us, waiting to be expressed? Or do we believe that others have the say on whether or not we could follow our bliss? Does our own fear of what may come in the future block our present moment instincts? Or have we simply gotten into the habit of planning every detail of our lives, missing the spontaneity and creativity that comes with freedom.

Whatever the reason, I believe that we all have the ability to grow our natural instinct to live happy, joyful lives.

Perhaps if we sniffed the air, we would discover bliss was near by.

A Simple Thank You

2010-01-01T20:34:00.003-05:00

This is one of my favorite days of the year. I know I can renew and update my dreams and desires for life at any point in time, but for some reason a new year seems to call me to take stock with a more pronounced and meaningful focus.

Some of my thoughts are about plans for the coming year, but mostly my mind goes to how I want to be. Since I am always experiencing, learning and growing as a result of the choices I make, it is my desire to have whatever I experience serve me in some way.

To help myself get the most out of each year, I create a phrase or motto that I refer to frequently (especially when I slip off course). This year my saying is "Thank you". I love the simplicity of those two words, yet feel a lovely and powerful sense of peace and joy when I focus on thankfulness. I have learned that one cannot feel negative emotion at the same time as being grateful, so focusing on saying thank you in my mind for the many things in my life that I am deeply grateful for is bound to help me return to peace.

Knowing there are also likely to be some events that show up on my path in 2010 that are challenging and difficult, I also want to say "Thank you" then. If I see all of my life experiences as stepping stones that propel me forward, being able to say "Thank you" for all that occurs, since it all ultimately helps me grow, is likely going to make those bumps in the road, easier to take.

I suppose this is a case of not judging something to be good or bad, but to feel unconditional gratitude for it all.

As I stand in the present moment, I can imagine that 2010 will likely be a memorable year with much to be grateful for.

Disappointment Lessons

2009-12-29T18:23:00.003-05:00

As mentioned in a previous blog post, in late December I tend to look over my shoulder at the previous year to see what I've learned and perhaps what I may want to change.

On my mental search today, I realized that disappointments don't have the same kind of power over me that they used to. This is a muscle that has been growing gradually for me. Where I used to be temporarily paralyzed when something didn't go the way I planned, or if someone didn't come through in carrying out a promise, or if I simply did not have "a plan" come together the way I anticipated, I notice I am now rarely even knocked off balance by disappointments. In the past, I would allow disappointments to pull me into the land of "victim", or stimulate me to be angry and seek revenge if another person was involved in a disappointing plot against me.

When I think about why I am not so easily hooked by disappointments, I believe it is a natural side effect of my ongoing focus in the practice of acceptance. With complete acceptance, there is another natural side effect of peace. When peace is present, disappointment doesn't have a place to latch hold.

Another component of not being victimized by disappointment is that I trust more than I used to. When something doesn't go as planned, I trust that a better solution or answer will take it's place. I may not know what it is, or when it will appear, but I generally trust it will eventually show up.

Of course, this is a muscle I will continue to strengthen by simply noticing how I feel. When disappointment hangs around longer than I care to hold it, I will follow the plan that works for me..........Accept what is and trust that all will eventually work out perfectly.

Peace Returns to the Kingdom

2009-12-27T17:57:00.002-05:00

The Kingdom of Kate has officially returned to a peaceful norm today. All of the holiday decorations have been packed away. Guest's beds have been re-made with fresh sheets. Party leftovers have been eaten or frozen for later use. Gifts have found a place to be stored. Our beautiful Frazier fir has been carried outdoors and awaiting pick up. All outward signs of the Christmas holiday are gone, but certainly not forgotten.

Once again, our home was a center for several weeks of parties and quiet dinners with friends and family. Although it has been a very enjoyable time of celebration, I welcome the return of peace and order to my kingdom.

Perhaps I am a bit obsessive about having order in my surroundings. I like it when things are in their place, clean and neat. Each year, I temporarily over-ride my usual habits of housekeeping and schedules so that I can fully enjoy all the holiday prep and entertaining. It was complete this morning as we bid farewell to our last guests.

So, as I look around my kingdom, I see order and I feel peace and gratitude for all the fun that made the messes in the first place and I look forward to doing it all again next year.

The Power of Habits

2009-12-25T20:37:00.003-05:00

In the last week of December each year, I find myself thinking about what I may want to do different with my life in the coming year. Last year at this time, I decided I wanted to get my weight under control. On January 1st, I began a program of mindful eating and increased my amount of exercise. By changing some habits I had gradually developed over the past 20 years, I lost 30 pounds.

At first, the change in my habits seemed challenging, but I didn't give up. I persisted with making mindful choices about eating, counted my calories and gradually increased my amount of cardio minutes weekly. Before long, the habits that were challenging at first became the norm. I was rewarded with feeling not only great physically, but also more empowered.

It was a great lesson for me, not only about how to live a healthier lifestyle, but also in the power of habits.

So, as I draw on my experience of learning how powerful habits can be, I am now looking at what I want to change in the coming year. One habit has come to mind so far, but it doesn't pertain to my physical health. It is more about me growing up.

You see, I have a habit of asking for help before I even try to do something on my own, or, at best, after a weak effort. My very sweet and caring husband likes to know I need him and is always willing to step in. My business partner, David, also kindly comes to my aid. In addition, I have several friends that are extremely helpful in various areas of need.

What I realized today is that my quickness in asking for help is simply a habit. I have developed a belief that I am mechanically, technologically, directionally and mathematically challenged. Holding on to that belief as if it was true, I realize I have cut myself short. I have sold out on my own inner power. This habitual belief is not healthy.

Please understand, I am not saying that asking for help is wrong. On the contrary, I believe it is imperative to know when you honestly need help and to seek assistance from someone that can lend a hand when needed. What I'm getting "real" about in my behavior is that I want to be honest whether I truly need help, or just want it.

If I practice this level of awareness on a regular basis, it seems my old beliefs regarding my perceived shortcomings may change. Perhaps I may even develop some new skills in areas that I haven't believed to be possible. I imagine I will feel pretty good, even with simply trying.....maybe even powerful.

I just hope it isn't harder than giving up daily lattes.

The Eve

2009-12-24T18:02:00.002-05:00

It is early evening on the eve of Christmas. I managed my activities so I could spend the day at home rather than frantically running about picking up last minute necessities. It's been a heart warming kind of day. Quiet. Reflective and warm...... from the inside out.

I visited some neighbors and delivered my homemade gifts. Some folks showed up at my back door with a treat or a card in hand.

Each encounter was sweet and precious. I felt very grateful to be surrounded by so many people that care so much about me and my husband. Although I don't take them for granted (at least I hope I don't), there is something special that I feel when we celebrate this day on the eve of Christmas.

It's almost like our antennae are up and we are more tuned in to one another. We are more verbal and comfortable about sharing our feelings with friends and family. We feel generous and outwardly more caring. Hugs and kisses on cheeks are the typical form of greeting.

In a short time we will be headed out to a friend's home for an open house. We will be greeted with more hugs and kissed cheeks, a large array of wonderful foods, little kids excitedly anticipating Santa's arrival and a feeling of universal love and joy.

Our religious beliefs may not all match, our favorite holiday foods and traditions may vary, but throughout this time of joyous celebration, I feel loved. On this eve of Christmas, that is the only gift I want.

A Gift from Paul Bunyan

2009-12-23T18:06:00.002-05:00

While waiting for a light to change at the busiest intersection of my town, I observed a large man with long unruly hair, a flannel shirt, boots and the kind of jeans one would wear for hard work....not for fashion, walk past my car. My first thought was that he resembled Paul Bunyan. He appeared to be the epitome of rough and tough, both around the edges and through and through.

My quick judgment of this stranger changed, however, when I noticed he was carrying a small gift bag. It was a delicate looking bag with a pretty decoration on the handle and a raffia bow holding it in place. It seemed so out of place for a massive, rugged man like this to be carrying. Since my light did not yet turn green, I had some time to reflect on the lesson my Paul Bunyan look alike was teaching me.

Where I could have continued my judgment about my Bunyan stranger, being a hard, tough and insensitive creature from the woods, I decided to make up a new story about him. I decided, the gift was for his wife. It was small since he didn't have much money to spend on anything expensive and extravagant. I also decided he delighted in picking out just the right thing that will surprise and move Paula (his wife) deeply on Christmas morning.

I soon exchanged my negative opinion for one of respect for my Paul Bunyan and was grateful that I caught myself making an unfair judgment of someone I didn't know anything about. Yes, I also didn't know who the gift he carried was for since I made that up too, but the truth is it didn't matter since Paul Bunyan actually gave me a gift. The gift was a reminder to not judge by appearances and to expect the best from every one I meet or even just see walk by.

What a perfect Christmas gift for me. Too bad, Paul Bunyan will never know how much I appreciated it.

The Peace on Earth Challenge

2009-12-17T15:57:00.006-05:00

This is one of my favorite times of the year since most people seem to be kinder than usual. Of course there are a few Grinches and Scrooges among us, but for the most part I notice most people seem to go out of their way to be kind and helpful.

It almost seems like people give themselves permission to look beyond their gripes and grievances and allow their best or true selves to shine through. Maybe they're trusting more or paying attention to the Christmas message about peace on earth and goodwill toward men. Perhaps they let down their guard and release their fears so they could actually see themselves and others as connected.

Whatever it is, I like it. I believe we are all naturally kind and are wanting connection. We want to know we're not alone and that others care about us. Naturally, when we let down our guard and our fears, the best parts of us can be seen. Those parts that feel good, like being kind, gentle, understanding, patient, joyful and generous then spread to others and on it goes, at least until January 2nd. Once the new year rings in, it seems that many people re-erect their walls to hide behind and resume gathering evidence why it is not safe to trust.

Imagine what our world would be like if we all practiced putting our fears aside all year long and actually showed we cared about each other on a regular basis.

Without question, there would surely be peace on earth. Anyone willing to give it a shot?

A New Love

2009-12-10T16:42:00.002-05:00

I have a new love in my life and am thoroughly enjoying his friendship. We're the perfect match. It almost seems like he knows what I'm thinking. He certainly knows what I need, and he meets my needs perfectly.

I love how quickly he responds to my commands. Actually, command is a pretty strong word, so perhaps I should say that he is quick to respond to my requests. Our relationship is more of a cooperative venture. He's fast too.....as though he is so anxious to please me as quickly as possible so I won't walk away. I get the sense he enjoys me as much as I enjoy him.

There are many things we're learning about each other's habits and idiosyncrasies, yet I don't feel scared or worried that it may not work out. I see it simply as a getting-to-know-you kind of learning curve. We're being patient with one another and feeling more connected every day.

Did I mention his sensitivity? Oh, my....I barely have to touch him and he gets into action. He has a great mind too.....and a sense of humor. The littlest act is done with a flare that makes me smile. There are also some mysterious qualities about him that I know are "in there", but haven't seen them yet. I'm sure they will all be exposed in due time....when I am ready.

I believe we will be together for a long time. His name? It's Mac Pro and he comes from the Apple family. Maybe you've heard of them...they are all over the world, making people's lives easier and more enjoyable.

This match? It was made in heaven. I just wonder why I didn't make this commitment earlier.

Gratitude...The Path to Joy

2009-11-26T16:33:00.009-05:00

Our company just left, the kitchen is cleaned, the antique china has been put away and all of the Thanksgiving leftovers have been stored for future meals. As I sit here looking at this picture, I have a renewed and deeper sense of gratitude.

The path my thoughts are traveling right now is about the connection between gratitude and joy. When I truly tune into how blessed I am in so many ways and feel the abundance of life around me, I cannot help but feel joyful. Try it sometime when you're feeling angry or upset.....just focus deeply on something for which you are grateful. You cannot feel negative emotion and gratitude at the same time.

Many of us, although we enjoy abundance in life of things like food, clothing and homes with heat, still focus on what is missing. We complain about the cost of living, yet we want more. We want bigger houses, bigger bank accounts, fancier cars and create misery for ourselves as we complain. When we focus on lack, we feel lack and associated disappointment, sadness and even anger. When we focus on the many every day blessings we enjoy, we feel joy.

I imagine the young man in this picture is grateful for his dog, his last meal and the handful of dog food on the sidewalk beside him. Without knowing this man's story, I would bet that more than anything he is grateful for the love of his dog.

What are you most grateful for right now?

The Closed Door

2009-11-16T15:43:00.003-05:00

Recently, I had reached out to support a friend, but it seemed that the door to their heart was closed. They refused my offerings. I first noticed a sadness within myself that they were choosing to suffer alone, knowing how much I cared and could possibly help them feel loved and supported again.

As I thought about the dynamics of this closed door scenario, I realized sometimes I am the one inside, with the door bolted shut...other times, I am the one that knocks offering love and support. With my experience in both places, this is what I have learned.

Behind the Door:
Whatever the circumstances that may cause someone to go inside, close the door to their heart and lock it, you can pretty much bet that fear in some shape or form is involved. When we're afraid, things always look worse than what they really are. In a state of fear, we are also hypersensitive about possibly being a problem for someone else. Perhaps we don't want anyone to see us hurting, in fear that there would be associated judgment. We don't want to appear weak, out of control, vulnerable and helpless. Another factor that may be present is not even knowing what exactly is causing our feelings that are causing us to hide in the first place, creating confusion and yes, even more fear.

Outside the Door:
When we care about someone we love that appears to be hurting and not letting us in, we naturally approach them with open arms and a heart full of love. We knock on the door of our friend's heart and wait outside.....sometimes patiently, sometimes not....wanting to be allowed in. After all, their best interest is our concern. We believe without question that our loving care is just what is needed.

Sometimes it is....sometimes it is not. The truth is one cannot predict the perfect course or pattern for being supportive. I believe the best way to show that you care is to let the person know you're available to listen, or for any other supportive actions, remembering it is not your role to solve their problem. If it is clear they are not comfortable and desiring to talk at that time, keep your offer open in the event they are ready to let you in later.

I have learned in the past that allowing others to have their own experience of life, without trying to break down their door and coming to the rescue is typically best. What I know about myself is the more peace I feel, the more calm and loving I remain. The greater the level of my peace and love, the greater chance there is of someone trusting me enough to eventually open their door.

Making Peace With Abundance

2009-11-09T16:35:00.003-05:00

I had an epiphany today about abundance. I noticed I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with the abundance of opportunities in my life and how I can deal with it "all".

I realized I cannot read all the books that are recommended to me. I can't read every blog or listen to every album. I can't follow up with every lead for my business. I can't have an intimate conversation with every friend. I can't meet every stranger. I can't prepare every recipe that comes to me. I can't watch every t.v. show that is listed on my DVR. I can't thoroughly read every magazine or respond to every post on facebook and Twitter. I can't see every play or go to every concert. I can't blog about every epiphany. At least, I can't do it all today.

My epiphanous (I made up that word) answer to this overwhelming list of possibilities is to be fully present with whatever is at the top of my list right now. I must accept that I can only be fully present to one task, one source of entertainment or one person at a time. It is only then that I can more fully enjoy that which is before me, knowing that the next moment, day, year or decade will offer me more space to fill with the abundance of blessings that are available.

Seeing my life as a container in which an endless number of experiences can accumulate, feels good and right to me. It enhances my joy and my sense of peace to know that every morsel of life that I choose to give my attention is exactly what I need in that moment. Everything else? It can all wait until I'm ready.

The Influencers

2009-11-05T15:59:00.002-05:00

Look around, and you will find influencers everywhere. Influencers can be people you know well or can be complete strangers. They can come in groups or can be individuals. Sometimes influencers have a specific impact they are consciously trying to create. Other times, they are oblivious to the influence they're having. In some cases, it is situations that are the influencers.

In every case when one influences another, there will always be an effect. I've decided to be vigilant regarding the people and situations that influence me so that I can be more likely to experience positive effects.

When we watch television, there are innumerable influences that we are subject to. Some influencers are seeking to create fear (watch the news shows); others want to create lightness and laughter; some influencers want to educate and empower, and some simply want to shock us or create doubt in something we had previously believed.

The people we come in contact with every day, like friends, family and co-workers, also influence us. We can be hurt, angered, inspired or stimulated. We can be annoyed and influenced to complain and spread negative energy and pass on the influence we just received, or we can be softened and touched by an influencer and then go on and share that. We can be amused or insulted, challenged or seduced. We can feel better or feel worse than we did prior to the influence.

There's no way to completely avoid influencers. In fact, we all belong to the club. We influence and we are influenced.

As I thought about those that influence me most, I realized that I purposely seek exposure to those whose influence brings out the best in me. I seek the influence of those that create trust and do not focus on building my fears or creating new ones.

When I am tuned in and alert, I feel a negative influence rather quickly. Once I'm aware I can then decide to hang around or not. I can choose to seek the company of a more positive influencer instead, or just turn off my radio signal that receives what is being sent. By the same token, when I am aware of the influence I am creating, I am more careful with what I say and how I behave.

It is mighty empowering to realize that I need not be victimized by influeners and that I can control my exposure. It is also gratifying to know that my influence can be more positive by simply remembering I am influencing.

So, what influencers have been affecting you lately?

Imaginary Conversation

2009-11-01T17:19:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, I discovered a new tool for finding my way back to peace. It was to have an imaginary conversation.

A few days ago, I had an interaction with a stranger that left me feeling ill at ease. I know I entered the encounter not feeling at my best and at the end, I felt worse. Unfortunately, this interaction was not with someone close to me, so it was not going to be easy to go back and clear things up with him.

When I noticed I kept on thinking about the interaction, I realized although I believed it would have been better if he apologized for his dog aggressively coming after mine, perhaps there was more going on for him that I didn't understand.

In my imaginary conversation, I sat down on the front steps of the home this man was building and where he let his dog run free. I asked him why he allowed his dog to run, knowing that he frequently goes after people or animals walking along the road. The dog owner told me that they are a team and that where he goes, his dog goes. In essence, they're partners. I was able to soon see that the relationship with his dog had some special meaning for him. I felt my annoyance subside and my compassion grow.

He assured me that his dog is not mean, although he does have a tendency to sometimes protect the area where his master is working. In my imaginary conversation, once he saw I was no longer angry, he opened up even more and shared that his wife recently left him and took their children with her, and now only his dog remains in his life.

In this imaginary conversation, my heart softened. I no longer felt angry or resentful. In fact, I felt love for this stranger. I understood that his behavior at the time did not clearly give me clues to the pain and fear he was feeling when our interaction occurred.

In our imaginary conversation, I also got to share what I was feeling at the time. My new friend understood my fear and took my hand to comfort me.

Together, two strangers, sat in my imagination and made peace after sharing what we were both feeling. We didn't attack, defend or blame. We listened and understood.

Although this conversation was imaginary, the feeling of peace, understanding and even love was real. I no longer hold resentment or anger for this man. I have forgiven him..... I forgive myself too for not being very understanding at the time . You see, both of us were in a state of fear when we met, so we were unable (at the time) to see beyond our own egos. Instead we attacked, both taking our righteous stand at making the other wrong.

What I am very grateful for is that even though I may never have the opportunity to speak to this man in a real conversation, the imaginary one in my mind restored my peace and the knowing that there is always more going on in any situation than what may appear to be.

True Wealth

2009-10-30T18:22:00.003-04:00

I am a quote collector. I love quotes that make me feel something in the moment I read it or hear it. A recent one that came across my desk that gave me tingles up my spine....always a good sign, was " Wealth is the ability to fully experience life", Henry David Thoreau.

What I love about this thought is no one is excluded. If everyone believed this quote to be true, there would be no disappointments in life. Every person that would be able to fully experience life, whatever that happened to be, would consider themselves wealthy.

Now of course, for this to be true, we would have to give up the belief that to be wealthy is only determined by how much money we have to spend or happen to have in a savings account, bonds or trusts. Now, I am not against that kind of wealth, but that alone does not make a life worth living or valuable.

Some may also only treasure the life experiences that were easy or thrilling or with a positive outcome. Don't get me wrong.....I love those kinds of life events, yet I recognize that some of the more challenging experiences take me to a new level of understanding and appreciation. Over the course of my life time thus far, I have discovered there is more to the mix that makes life full than the obvious.

When I focus on life being a series of experiences and I am fully open, accepting and willing to live them, regardless of the associated emotions or circumstantial side effects, then I believe life will be full. My wealth account of living would be at the max.

The alternative of not fully experiencing life by resisting, complaining or hoping something would end only creates a cloud over the potential learning and growth that is laced within each experience. I am open for it all.

If anyone should ever overhear me complain about a challenging future life event, please remind me of what I am stating here. Sometimes we all can forget that there are blessings in every experience.