One of the greatest challenges in life, I believe, is to give up control of directing the life of someone you love. We may believe we have a right to force our opinions and control an outcome, but in truth we don't, unless of course it is a child not yet of an adult age. Some of the more significant life situations we often believe we know best are regarding relationships, jobs, schools and places to live. Of course, being the loving, caring beings that we are, we may also want to have a say in some of the lesser important things like clothing choices, the best foods to eat, exercise, hairstyles and medical related questions. This list can go on, but I think you get the picture. We (humans) get hooked into wanting to and sometimes actually attempting to take control of those we love and feel justified by our actions. After all, we are the loving child of or parents and siblings....or the devoted parent to our children. We are also the deeply caring friend, co-worker, neighbor, coach, pastor, employer to many. The Hands Off warning in the title of this blog is made with intent to honor the people in your life for whom you want to manage their decisions, and also for you. Attempting to be in control of what happens is like playing with dynamite. If it blows up, everyone gets hurt. The true loving response when in relationship is to allow those we care about to make their own decisions. We can give opinions, be supportive and unconditionally loving without attachment. When, on the other hand, we are attached to a particular outcome and are trying to strong arm our loved one into following our design, then the room for explosions, which could create long term damage, is inevitable. Allowing everyone to have their own experience in life, even when they are going against our suggestions creates peace. Maybe their choice will be best, maybe not. If their choice gets them into trouble, then there was a lesson there for them to learn. The bottom line is that having a hands off policy when it comes to directing another life is bound to create peace for everyone when you can finally let go.
Every day we are exposed to the creativity, thoughts and actions of other people and situations. If we are well aligned with ourselves and not operating from ego, we will be inspired by what we see. On the other hand, if our ego is driving the bus of our lives, we are likely to be jealous or resentful when we witness the happenings and creations going on around us. I've been in both camps, spirit and ego, and it is much more joy-filled to be in the spirit camp where I can be inspired by the choices, actions and creations of another person. One of my secret tricks for keeping myself in a "feel good" mode, is to be open to, and actually even look for the high points of other people's lives. Seeing what is possible for someone else, reminds me the same is true for me.When I am truly seeing through the eyes of spirit, I can see that whatever was created was because that individual was tuned into a state of belief and openness. In the past, that would hook me (since I wasn't experiencing the same thing). Now, I can celebrate it and know that inspiration and some follow up action and results are available to me as well. When I see my fellow humans as equal to me, not better...not worse, I can imagine that whatever I am witnessing as far as leaving a positive mark on the world, is also there for me. If I see myself as less-than, the result will be playing small, dull and without much fun. It is like having a hole in your rowboat and slowly sinking, while others skim along the waters having great fun along the way.Knowing it is not the destination that is the most important, but the ride that counts, I am inspired to live my life with great anticipation, joy and gratitude. With that, I can't lose....either can you!
I relearned something today. I learned that when my life and spirit feel fragmented and I lose my solid footing, I need to be re-glued. My spirit needs maintenance. Re-gluing for me means putting myself back together so that I feel solid and peaceful at the same time. It also means I get my head put on straight, so I can see more clearly and confusion or uneasiness is no longer the predominant sense. There are many different things that can create a scatteredness or fragmentation in life. In this case, I was traveling (two trips in close proximity without much time to re-ground in between) and away from my usual routine. I knew my spiritual routine of inspirational reading, stillness, reflection, writing and prayer was what filled me and left me feeling peaceful and accepting. I guess what I forgot was that this daily practice is the glue that keeps me together. In addition to not following my usual spiritual practice, I was also not always eating the most nutritious food and not exercising as much. My household responsibilities, bill paying, emails etc. were also mounting in my absence and have all needed attention at the same time when I returned home, adding to the feelings of my life temporairlily no longer being controlled. It is ironic that I would speak of having control in the same context as being spiritually glued since true acceptance accepts whatever is present, not just when everything is caught up. At this point, the pieces of me are coming together one by one. I can tell by how I feel. My growing edge is to be more aware of any parts of me getting loose or displaced, so greater attention can be made to keeping me solidly put together. It feels good to be back.
Last evening I had the pleasure to be in the audience for a local Community Concert featuring Pianafiddle. The duo consisted of two men with a generation between their ages. Lynn Wright, the eldest and a phenomenal piano player comes from a very interesting and diverse musical and professional background. Adam DeGraff, the violinist/fiddler, also hails from a history strongly woven around his love from music, which took him from the predictable structure of the Richmond Symphony Orchestra to his current partnership. Together this pair co-creates something new every time they play. They manage to weave together many genres of music, often co-creating something original in the moment. Listening to their broad selection of types of music and watching them work, or rather play, together was a beautiful inspiration for the powers of co-creating. What I saw was a partnership of two musicians that obviously loved and respected one another as well as the music they created. Magic happened as they played, leaning into one another, playing off each other's notes and obviously feeling complete joy in their process. I am convinced without question, this act is not an act. The inspiration for me, other than wanting to play their CD over and over again, is in the power of trusting another, blending the gifts, talents and intuitive instincts to co-create something that could not be created alone. Check out their website at http://www.pianafiddle.com/ to hear a bit of their music magic.
This afternoon I was driving home from a doctor's appointment and was in the mood for a more challenging drive, so I chose Route 287, a curvy road through the woods instead of the faster and straighter highway that is more convenient. The roads were clean, so I had no concerns of ice and snow complicating my trip. Although it was a bit cold, the sun was shining, the sky was blue and there were beautiful clouds waltzing above me.As I drove the 44 miles north it struck me how the unpredictability of Route 287 imitates my experience of life. This road has lots of curves, some are long and slow, some short and sharp. To take the curves smoothly, I accelerate coming out of them. On some of the sharper curves, I slowed down a bit assessing the curve and then adjusted my speed going into it. This technique is similar to how I try to live life. I use some caution, but I don't slow down to a stop. I trust myself and keep on moving, accelerating and feeling the thrill of the hug of the road as I pull away. Route 287 also goes up and down as it traverses the mountains. Some dips are pretty steep and as in life, can seem pretty scary. As I continue to travel along (driving and living), the road always eventually levels out and sometimes even rises to a peak with a beautiful view of what is ahead. At times my drive took me through a densely wooded area which blocked the sun and made my experience very dark and feeling cold. I knew, however, if I just kept on moving I would drive out of the darkness and back into the light. If I am truly present, I can appreciate the darkness and the light. Today I had the road to myself. In the nicer weather, I could typically expect many other vehicles trying to pass me, or slowing me down. Another great comparison to life when we live relative to the choices and actions of others. Today was a very peaceful and yet stimulating drive that I thoroughly enjoyed. Perhaps it is because I can never see exactly what is beyond the next turn in the road. I love surprises and meet them with a willingness to enjoy the ride!
In our society we often hear people share their fears about dying. I imagine it is the fear of the unknown that creates an aversion to even contemplating the end of one's life. We humans seem to try to resist that which we don't understand and with our resistance we create a gap in our life as we fear our death. Another significant fear that can interrupt the joy of living is actually to live fully. For some, it is the thought of not holding back or living up to the glorious being that they are, that scares them the most. Sometimes it seems easier to play small and pretend you don't matter. We can create a story about ourselves that makes us out to be unimportant or ordinary, which justifies our fear of living fully. Living in fear of death and/or of living fully does not have to be the norm. Another choice would be to live fully now....to allow yourself to rise to every occasion that blesses your life experience. Imagine openly and joyfully embracing every opportunity that makes your heart sing. Imagine boldly following your heart's desire without fear of failure. Imagine making decisions that honor you, rather than someone else that believes they know what is best for you. You cannot live in fear and in freedom at the same time. I encourage you to notice where you stand in your life. What are you afraid of? Death, or living a no holds barred life? Perhaps it is both. Once you get clearer on where you stand, notice how it feels and then decide how you want to feel. I imagine that once you are committed to living fully and without fear, death will no longer be resisted, but seen as just another part of the life experience. The bottom line of this story is we will all eventually have our lives come to an end here on earth. How we spend our time living is up to us.
While in Sacramento last week I had an awareness (not necessarily new, but a reminder) of a universal desire we all hold, regardless of our age, background or current state of life. This thought of universality struck me while co-leading a workshop for a group of retirees at Christ Unity Church in Sacramento. The workshop title was Retire and Refire and our focus was on inspiring the participants to honor who they are and follow whatever dreams and desires that call them to full aliveness. Our discussion was stimulating and joy filled. As I listened to the participant's desires and felt their joy as they spoke, it struck me how I feel the same way when I am working with a group of teens or doing Essence Leadership training in a business. Although the specific dreams and desires may change some of the time, the underlying desire remains the same. The universal desire I witness repeatedly is to simply be happy and to feel free.....it doesn't change. Somehow, paying attention to this fact feels very good to me. It creates a sense of oneness that crosses the span of generations, lifestyles and even cultures. I am also energized to think about how I can strengthen my own ability to live joyfully and with freedom. It feels like my joyful inner child handed off the baton of joy to the teen and then on to the young adult....to the middle aged woman... and to the wise old person that I will become. This sense of universality feels right and natural. The only change I hope for is that it I may welcome JOY even more than I am now.
