The Practice of Presence

It is easy to be distracted by all that surrounds us. We are constantly stimulated in our every day lives by many things that seem to be so important. We have many concerns on our minds, decisions to make and problems to solve that keep us from noticing the simplest and yet the most beautiful elements in our lives. I frequently practice being totally present and tuning into whoever, or whatever is around me. I am never disappointed.

Yesterday while on a six mile trek on country roads, I was totally tuned in and present in each moment. Only a block away from my house, I noticed a pair of gold Finch that played in the air just a few feet in front of me. They seemed to be putting on a show just for me.

A doe and her fawn crossed the road only 20 feet ahead on my path.

I watched the breeze shift the leaves on the trees, with each leaf having it's own rhythm and dance in the air.

The highlight for me was several miles into my trek. I was walking up a long incline on a dirt road and about a quarter mile ahead, I saw two figures crest the hill. They were in a race walking rhythm that was perfectly in sync. They were highlighted by the sun behind their backs and a swirl of misty fog that seemed to follow them. While watching this beautiful scene, the music from my IPOD was the perfect soundtrack. A cinematographer would have won an Academy award for creating it, yet it just naturally happened. I was mesmerized by the beauty of nature and my fellow walkers.

These natural and beautiful experiences couldn't possibly be planned. They were there in every moment ready and available to be appreciated. I'm grateful that I was awake on my walk and not distracted by what was yet to come in my day or by what has already passed.

Presence takes practice. I recommend it highly.

A Salute to Alan

Twenty eight years plus 19 days ago, my husband and I brought home a little red headed baby. We named him Alan and watched him grow up to be a truly unique human being. In the wee hours this morning, he and his company shipped off to Afghanistan.

Alan has always had a great deal of confidence. So much so, my husband and I would tease that we may have overdone it in the esteem building department of his rearing. Alan has also always had a love and delight for life. He amuses all those that come in contact with him. He's eccentric and usually off the wall with his humor and antics.

His childlike delight is also balanced by his extreme caring, sensitivity, and a desire to protect and care for others. His past employers have always given him high praise for his skill and his integrity, as well as a great ability to connect with his clients.

It is hard to take a grown man that skips (whenever he has the chance) seriously, but I do know that inside this soldier's heart there is a wisdom that is greater than his years.

When he and I had a chat three days ago during his home visit, I asked him how he thought he may deal with the aftermath of "war" when he comes home in a year. He said, " I'll deal with that when the time comes. Right now, I am dealing with this now". He told me his purpose is to protect his buddies. It is that intention that I believe will keep him sane, since that is who he is.

I'm sure Alan will not lose his spirit during his tour of duty. It will be all those whose lives he touches that will never be the same.

Straight from the Students

I am repeatedly inspired by the wisdom of students that have taken part in Project: Inside Out, a leadership program that I lead for diverse teens. When students complete the program, I interview as many of them as I can and compile their responses in a document I call Straight from the Students. It is always a joy to hear the highlights of their learning and how they anticipate the program will change their lives.

One comment that stands out for me was made by a girl that was truly open to experiencing a new dimension of herself. When asked about a highlight of her learning, her response was "Confidence...I was very shy, even though I was a cheerleader. I realized I honestly didn't accept who I was. If I didn't accept myself as I was.....how could other people accept me?"

Obviously, the application of this beautiful piece of wisdom is not applicable to only teens. This little gem is one we all need to remember.

True confidence does not come from the compliments we hear from others. It does not necessarily grow with each award we receive, with each accomplishment we create or with every skill we master. It comes from the positive relationship we have with ourselves.

Confidence grows as we master the art of loving ourselves, unconditionally. When we "get it" that our value in this world is not dependent on our skills or accomplishments, we can enjoy the pure joy of confidence, regardless of how we are seen by others.

I agree with my student that it doesn't make sense to expect others to accept us, if we do not give the same unconditional respect to ourselves.

The literal bottom line.....Confidence is an inside job.

Give It UP

Whenever I have a little extra time after my morning routine, I pull out one of my inspirational card decks, believing whatever card I choose is exactly what I need to know. Today I pulled a card from my Inner Peace deck by Wayne Dyer. This message hit be between the eyes ( in a good way). The affirmation said "I release the need to determine how things 'should' be".

Whenever I feel myself getting hooked away from feeling joy and peace, I am more than likely attached to something occurring the way I think it should. Of course, I always know what's best for me. Of course, I know the most efficient and effective way for everything. Actually, the truth is, I don't......and when I am emotionally holding onto "my way" when events are occurring in a different pattern, my peace is left in the dust.

My intention in this life is to get this lesson down pat. I know that when I stop resisting and allow things to unfold, all will be well. Perhaps the route is different than the one I planned. Perhaps even the end result will be different than my goal, but allowing, rather than resisting always brings peace.

Expanding vs. Contracting

It seems that most people live their lives in one of two ways.....expanding or contracting. I realize both of these words represent action, although when considering these concepts within the context of living life, it appears contracting actually occurs as a result of doing nothing.

In taking a closer look at contracting, what appears to me is that when one chooses to no longer learn new things or be open to new people, places and experiences, or practices being present in each moment, their life contracts, or gradually diminishes in purpose and joy.

On the other hand when one expands, they embrace new things in their life on every level. Learning and growing beyond what they previously believed was their limit and stretching into new experiences and relationships creates an ever present joyful and purpose-filled life.

I believe many live a contracting life due to fear. They may fear the risk of losing the elements of their life that they're proud of or those that bring comfort. They may fear the possibility of failure or the potential disapproval of others. They may blame their age, health, physical limitations or obligations for their contracting. They may believe that it is easier to stay the same than to grow.

If the mere thought of expanding in your life makes you sweat, relax. Expanding does not mean you must give up all that you have already worked for or have become attached to. You can feel your life expanding simply by breathing, turning off the chatter channel in your mind and by practicing gratitude. Expanding joy in your life does not have to require leaving your job or your town, or your closest relationships. It can occur when you see yourself as being more than a body that works hard all their life, acquires a bunch of stuff, makes a lot of money, gets old, gets sick and eventually dies.

There is room for continued expansion for all of us, regardless of how long it has been since we have felt the thrill of being truly alive. It is my intention to expand in some way every day.....how about you?

Triathalon of My Dreams

I sometimes have very entertaining dreams and some of those sometimes my dreams hold a lesson for me. Last night was one of those dreams.

I dreamed that I was registered to participate in a triathlon, but instead of swimming, bicycling and running, I recall only the first leg of the race which involved hopping on one foot. The race took place on the main street of a small town with crowds standing by to cheer us all on.

I was in the lineup of other hoppers, unsure if I could even do the event. I'm happy to report, however, I was not feeling anxious or upset, just open to try. Before the gun went off, we all began hopping in place and I found it to be difficult to maintain balance. It wasn't easy or comfortable. After a few moments, the starting gun fired and we all took off to hop the 6 mile course.

What was amazing to me was to find that it was easier to hop ahead, rather than in place. I felt free and had fun propelling myself forward, passing many of the other hoppers that seemed to prefer staying in one place.

Although it took more energy to move ahead, it seemed natural and easy. I felt exhilaration and great joy just to do it. Winning the race was not important since I knew my win was to learn moving was better than standing still.

The metaphor for life was obvious to me. As I hopped along the course, I was overjoyed to see the connection to how staying in the same familiar mindset or experience due to a fear of what's ahead, or having a lack of confidence in winning, or possibly just being afraid I may fall down along the way, would limit my dream for a great life.

This hopping dream showed me that regardless of the outcome, moving ahead in life by trying new things, going to new places and giving myself new challenges, will certainly create a more stimulating and fulfilling experience of life than simply standing still.

Perhaps when I fall asleep tonight, I will experience the other legs of the triathlon. I'm hoping one of them is skipping.

The Anticipator

If I were to have a superpower name, describing how I assist my fellow humans, it could very well be, The Anticipator.

Obviously, my gift is to anticipate what may be needed in any given moment, as well as my tendency to prepare ahead for whatever that case may be.

My anticipating was used well when I was a nurse. Having the instrument in my hand ready to slap into the palm of the surgeon before he even asked for it, helped the operation go smoothly and efficiently.

Other ways I anticipate are by keeping my pantry stocked with any of the items I may need to prepare a meal. I have a nice selection of ingredients and seasonings on hand for most recipes that I may choose to prepare.

I pack my suitcase for a trip, anticipating any kind of weather or activity that may require special clothing or shoes.

I have a well stocked first aid kit in my car and my home, just in case someone near me may need some assistance.

I love to anticipate ahead when planning a party or some other special event. It's fun to picture what is about to happen and then create an environment, and/or whatever may be needed to help it be successful.

Anticipating and then acting on it gives me a sense of satisfaction. It's fun to predict possibilities and then later to experience ease in the moment because I successfully anticipated.

It seems, however, I have met my match in the realm of anticipation. My son leaves for Afghanistan in six days. It is impossible to anticipate what that experience will be like for any of us at home or for my son. Right now I am in a state of peaceful acceptance of the unknown and hope this feeling of peace will continue for his entire time overseas.

Perhaps I have been anticipating this unexpected event (without even knowing it) by practicing peaceful acceptance and calmly responding to the things of life that have shown up on my path prior to this current situation.

Actually to look at life in general we can never fully anticipate what is to come. We do, however, always have the ability and the opportunity to be prepared simply by being open and accepting of what we cannot change and then trusting we can handle whatever occurs.