Endings

It is a bit amusing, albeit a bit sad, to think that at times we humans avoid experiencing a particular role, task, or relationship, since we fear we cannot "be with" it's eventual end. The truth is, there is an ending to everything in this human experience we call life. It is all part of the course. It is not wrong, bad or harmful for us when an ending occurs.

The old adage, "All good things come to an end", is true. The same can be said for that which we may call the bad things of life. It is all simply part of the process. As we move along our life paths, we are constantly given opportunities with which we can play and experiment and then eventually move on with our learning, as endings occur.

Every person we meet, every place we visit, every role we play, every job we take on, every movie we watch, every illness we experience, every relationship we have etc. etc., all serve a purpose.

In times of difficulty, we may learn how strong and resilient we really are. Those times may strengthen our relationships and inspire us to reach for something better.

By the same token, those lovely, enriching and exciting occurrences of our lives that we hope may never end, show up our path to help us learn to be present and appreciate them in every moment.

As every other human, I have experienced countless endings and have mostly accepted them without resistance. Although times, relationships and experiences have ended, the lessons are still with me.

I am no longer a child, although I remember how to play.

I am no longer a nurse, although I still nurture and choose to support others.

I no longer have my father, but am grateful for what he taught me.

My son grew up and left the nest to live his own life. My husband and I celebrate his independence and the man he has become.

Relationships with very close friends, ran their course and ended. I am grateful for having had them in my life while they were there.

Vacations in beautiful places, ended. The memories are still present and inspire me to travel to other idyllic locations.

I have completed working with clients that were a joy to coach. I celebrate their moving on and am grateful for being a partner in their self-discovery.

Each stage of my life so far including: babyhood, childhood, teenage years, young adulthood, and middle-age have ended. Each stage in itself had countless beginnings and endings.

What I take with me now until the final ending occurs, is gratitude. Without endings, beginnings lose their importance.

Conflicts or Peace Talks

Conflict seems to be a common issue for many of us. Perhaps this is true because we have so many relationships and situations in our lives in which they can arise.

Conflicts can occur with those closest to us, such as our family members or dear friends, with our co-workers and even with total strangers. All in all, there is room for conflict everywhere....even with ourselves.

According to the dictionary a definition of conflict is: a fight, battle or struggle, especially a prolonged struggle; strife. Whenever conflict occurs, it doesn't feel good...at least for most of us that is true. Even when we are standing on the side of what is obviously "right" or "good", when we are in battle, there is no evidence of inner peace, and therefore it is uncomfortable, to say the least.

I also contend that when we are in a state of conflict, we lose touch with our most powerful self. I'm not speaking about our ability to have power over someone else by using our sharp tongue, fists or ability to cut some one else off at the knees with a deep frown and accompanying sneer, but about our innate gifts that make us who we are.

I have a friend that who when connected to her true self, embodies peace. She cares deeply about many issues and even more so about the welfare of the human race. What I have observed in her is that when a conflict arises and she gets hooked into anger, her strength of compassion, integrity and clarity are lost. Although the points she makes in her arguments may be true, it is her desire to cut her opponent down, that interferes with her showing up fully in her 'truest' form. Rather than peacefully standing in her truth, she seeks to overpower her opponent with force. This force exhibited in conflict comes through in her voice (both tone and words) as well as in her energy and body language.

When I witness this expression of anger in her attempt to resolve conflict, I actually see her as weak and scared. When she is hooked by fear, she forgets to look for the gifts in her perceived opponent and therefore loses her ability to really listen to their point of view. Her desire to defend her point and all those people she desires to 'fight for' actually lessens the chances of a resolution that would serve them.

My sense about my friend is that perhaps the most important conflict for her that needs attention is the conflict with herself.

I believe if she trusted herself enough to stay true to who she really is, anger would not be the dominant emotion expressed when she is speaking for her cause. If she felt more secure in herself, which would allow her natural gifts of intuition, clarity and resourcefulness to come forth, it seems there would be a better chance for mutual understanding, and therefore be better able to communicate with her opponent in a way they can hear.

With the exception of the daily conflicts and arguments and put-downs we have with ourselves, it takes a minimum of two to have a conflict. If one person chooses not to attack, but truly listen and then calmly speak in return, there would probably be fewer and shorter wars and more peace talks.

Hope

It's snowing.... again. Many of my fellow northerners and I believe we have had more than our fair share of snow and have been enjoying the recent melting process as the temperature rose into the 50s. Once again, our dreams of Spring were interrupted by more snow.

As I look out the window and watch this fresh snowfall blanket the ground, I am reminded of the power of hope. You know, that wonderful feeling and belief that all is well, or will soon be well, even when it doesn't look that way. Hope is sometimes our last resort for maintaining sanity when our world, or at least our weather, is not cooperating with our plans.

Yesterday afternoon, my husband returned home after walking our dog, with a tiny flower between his thumb and forefinger. He plucked it from our neighbor's stone wall where daffodils and narcissus will soon be growing in full force.

When he handed the teeny flower to me, it was more beautiful in the moment than a bouquet of roses. This little white bud was a symbol of hope.

Being able to remember that whatever inconvenience, discomfort, lack or hindrance that may be present will eventually subside is supported by hope. Change is always happening. Sometimes change brings something we don't want, and some of the time it ushers in that which we're longing for.

At the end of winter, many of us are hoping for consistently warmer weather, hearing birds sing every morning, tulips and crocuses, long walks without mittens on our hands or ice underfoot, and a feeling of freedom that is a by-product of being in the fresh air.

Some people are hoping for better health or more money. Others may be hoping for a new job or a better place to live or an addition to their family.

Whatever it is that activates our hopefulness, it only feels good when we are believing it will actually come to fruition. If we are focusing more on what we don't want or what may interfere with our hopes, we will not feel the well being that hope provides.

Paying attention to where we are putting our attention is key. Hope feels light, complaining does not.

Although all that I hope for is not yet present, I am enjoying the feeling of lightness that is within me now, even though snow continues to fall.

The Bottomless Well

I think it would be fairly accurate to assume that like me, most of my fellow humans dream of what they want. We may not want the same things, but it does seem to be part of our innate wiring to "want".

Aside from our specific wants, where I think many of us differ is our level of expectancy to receive what we want. Many of my fellow wanters don't think they are deserving. Many worry about the cost, if their wants require payment of some sort. Some of my fellow humans plot and plan how to make their wants become a reality, causing themselves fear and stress in the process.

It all seems so complicated if one believes there is a formula of some sort to follow in receiving what you desire. My preference is to imagine that which I want as if it is here. When I simply close my eyes, I can see it, and even more importantly....I can feel what it would be like to have it.

I like to imagine a well of wellbeing. In this imaginary well in my mind, all that I want bubbles out when the time is right. I trust that the well never runs dry. I trust that my wants are being created as the well happily bubbles away. I don't sit and keep an eye on the well as I look at my watch, thinking "This want should be ready by now".

Impatience is avoided as I enjoy all other things that come from the well of well being. I have discovered that as long as I am in a state of appreciation and gratitude of all that bubbles forth, I am feeling the well being I desire. The specific things I long for are actually secondary to the feeling of well being, which can be present when I simply enjoy what is bubbling up at any moment.

Over the years as I have practiced sitting alongside the well of well being, my wants have become few regarding material things, but rich in the intangible. I know that what I truly desire is to feel unconditional peace and joy, and that is always there for me, as long as I allow it to be.

The well has no bottom. There is no end to the feelings of well being, regardless of what our physical experience of life may be like. Perhaps we all just need to get clear about what we really want most.

Turning the Mundane to the Sublime

I receive a few daily inspirational reminders in my email inbox every morning. Some of them are quotes. One that showed up on my screen today was " To bring the sublime into the mundane is the greatest challenge there is"-----Pir Vilayat Inanyat Khan.

This simple statement grabbed my attention today and I immediately made an intention to stay awake to the lessons it can share as I accepted the challenge.

As the majority of my most profound life lessons, this one is simple. It causes me to pause and allow all of the complicating details I can so easily draw into the picture, to spontaneously erase.

What this message means to me is the challenge is not to find things or people to hold my attention, but to be fully present to them so what might typically feel ordinary or mundane will feel glorious.

This state of appreciating the gloriousness of life is not foreign to me. I often experience pure joy in the most simple or usual experiences. What was different today, was I started my day off by looking for the sublime, and to allow myself to feel it fully when it showed up, which was everywhere.

My day turned out to be pretty ordinary.... quiet Sunday morning at home with my husband and my dog. Laced within the ordinary happenings were the sublime experiences of appreciation, of fun and of gratitude. My simple life happens to include great comforts. My full attention to those comforts was sublime.

I also love to quip, find humor and laugh over a variety of unexpected things. My husband is a great source of these things, and today it was particularly sublime.

I enjoy connecting with strangers, and today I was especially open to the magic of these unexpected connections while grocery shopping, and later on a walk with my dog.

I love to cook and the soup that simmered on the stove for hours and later fed us, was sublime. The glass of merlot that accompanied this dinner was more sublime that usual.

Phone conversations, a home visit to a friend recovering from surgery, and some routine email correspondence all had more meaning than usual....simply because I was open to the sublime.

My life does not hold more sublimeness than anyone else's life. What made my mundane day special was that I was fully present to what showed up, appreciating all of it.

Even though it was pretty ordinary, how I felt was not.

Ease and Grace

At the beginning of each year, I create a motto that I intend to live by in the coming year. This motto is meant to inspire me to live the life I want. It is meant to remind me of what is most important, if I happen to get distracted and forget. It is meant to keep me on a positive track, rather than get derailed and implode into a trillion tiny pieces of stress, fear and angst.

The motto for 2011 is Ease and Grace. Just typing those words make me feel good.

Here's what this motto means to me:

Ease means easy. I love easy. I do my best work and have the best impact on others when it feels easy. I am the most creative and don't judge myself when I am in state of ease. Ease means natural.

I know for many people, natural means to be stressed and that life has to be hard, but I don't buy it. I believe we were all meant to be in the flow of life (regardless of circumstances) and experiencing joy and peace is natural, and even intended, as we navigate through our experiences.

The second component of my motto is Grace. Grace makes me smile too. I named my Porsche Boxter Grace because I felt her taking the curves of the road with complete grace and without any tension or fear the first time I took her out for a ride. My car trusts what makes her great and does not hold back.

Grace also signifies flow to me and a natural way of being. It also feels holy. The word reminds me I am not here having this human experience all by myself. I am being watched over, cared for and loved by God. When I am believing that, and am actually feeling the peace of that understanding, I feel grace.

So, the combination of Ease and Grace is a sure winner to assist me as I ride into the coming year.

I will be reminded not to resist, but to accept. I will be reminded to love, rather than hate. I will remember that love will over-ride fear. I will know that forgiveness will feel better than holding grudges or resentments. Ease and grace will also allow me to be understanding and compassionate, since those elements are a match and feel the same way.

My motto is not about making resolutions, but all about making intentions on how I want to be in the coming year. I intend to be and feel Ease and Grace.

What is your intention for 2011?

Flipping Through the Pages

It has become a tradition for me the last few years to flip back through the pages of my appointment calendar on New Year's Eve and reflect on the happenings of the previous year.

After having just completed my flipping process, I am once again amazed how fast the months of 2010 have seemed to fly. Of course, I know clock time does not change, it is just our perception of it, but it does seem to have been a fast moving and very full year.

My reflections span the many categories of life, including events involving family, friends, my work and of course the unexpected.

There have been new adventures, some repeated experiences, some new professional triumphs, challenging medical and surgical experiences and some sad good-byes to friends that have left this world.

I received good news and sad news. I have experienced serendipitous, joy filled surprises and unexpected tragedies.

I have traveled to many places, meeting many new people whom I now consider to be friends.

My son was injured in Afghanistan and treated for numerous traumas, but survived, married and became a father to an 11 year old boy, making me a grandmother.

I have supported others through the pages of their lives as they dealt with challenges like failed marriages, cancer, depression and failing businesses.

I have done work that I love and have been challenged to continue to learn and grow, being reminded I will never be done.

I have been inspired by the kids I work with and touched by their willingness to be open with me and their desire to live great lives.

I have been called forth to play even bigger and to imagine doing things and visiting places that I once have only read or heard stories about.

I have laughed myself silly, cried unexpectedly, and calmly met events that at another time in life would have caused me to scream.

I have read many books, filled many pages in my journals and wrote many blog posts.

I have hugged and been hugged countless times, meditated daily and have said thank you often, both silently and loudly .

I have been touched to the core as I have listened to other's stories, dreams and fears.

I have had many massages and pedicures, napped a lot, danced a lot, walked a lot, loved a lot, forgave a lot and downward facing dogged a lot.

I have worn my many hats as a wife, Mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, business partner, mentor, trainer and coach with enthusiasm and joy.

Yep, I can say with complete confidence, 2010 has been a wonderful and full year and trust that every experience will help me face all that is coming in 2011.