Getting Rid of the Dead Heads

I am not much of a gardener. . .In fact if the flowers I joyfully plant in the spring actually live to see (and be killed by) the first autumn frost, they're lucky. My husband calls me a plant murderer. I think that's harsh, since I don't willfully intend to kill, I just seem to lose interest after I plant, feed and water my lovelies for the first few weeks. 


This year, however, I discovered something I enjoyed about gardening, and that is getting rid of dead heads which you probably know are the flowers on a plant that have shriveled and died. Pinching off these dead blooms apparently stimulates new life to grow and sustains a healthy beautiful plant for a longer period (at least that's what my gardener friends tell me). Since my window box is right next to my back door, it was very convenient to pause for a moment as I entered or exited to pinch off a few dead heads. As a result, the petunias this year were especially prolific and beautiful. 

One day as I was seeking out dead heads that were ready to be removed, I began to make a comparison of my petunia plants to my life. It may seem like a stretch of an analogy, but stay with me. . .here's what I came up with: 

Sometimes what I once considered to be an appealing component of my life ceases to have that attractive appeal. If I don't pluck it from my routine, it can end up draining my energy, keeping me from flowering and enjoying life in a more beautiful way. 


A good example of this phenomena for me are various forms of exercise I have tried over the years. I have lost track of the fitness DVDS and their ancestors in the form of VHS 
tapes, that I have purchased and diligently worked out to as part of my daily routine. Eventually I lose interest and notice it's no longer fun. The disappearance of the fun factor for me usually means it is time to pluck this particular dead head from my life. Once I do that I am renewed and ready to put my attention to something else that feels better. 


I have also removed dead head relationships that no longer seemed to serve me or the other person in a positive way. Terminating or moving on from a relationship does not minimize the impact that it may have once had, it is simply recognizing that people, their schedules and their lives change so what once felt perfect, now feels strained. Since I only choose to be in relationships that I can be fully committed and engaged, I have a limit. Pinching off what no longer has life, creates space for more stimulating and enjoyable interactions, which is always life giving. 


If you can align with my gardening dead head analogy, I encourage you to evaluate your life. Notice where you put your attention and then ask yourself if it is enhancing your flower box of life, or simply using your energy with nothing beautiful to show for it. 

The Good Life

My dog, Thor lives a good life. In fact, I'm sure he has it better than many humans I know. I'm not sure how good his life was before we picked him up at the SPCA two years ago, but without question, he knows how to live well now. 


I think humans can learn a lot from animals. They seem to have the right idea about living well and maintaining a fairly peaceful and happy attitude about life. 

Here's some lessons I have learned from Thor:

• If you want attention, let someone know. Don't take no for an answer. If they refuse to compliment you, rub you where it feels good, or at least smile, persist with being cute until they cave in and give you what you want.
• Take naps. Your naps don't have to be long ones, but it is imperative you take frequent rests so you can have the energy to exercise later. 
• Walk or run daily and enjoy being out in the fresh air. Sniff the air often too. You never know what wonderful scents may be in your vicinity. 
• Be playful....even if you think you're too old. Remember there is always the spirit of a child (or puppy) within. Give your inner child the opportunity to be silly and playful. You can't help but giggle when you're playful. 
• Just be you....without apology. Thor knows who he is and apparently has nothing to hide. Either you like him, or you don't. I think that's why he's so happy. He doesn't spend any time trying to act like a poodle or a Great Dane....He just enjoys being himself.
• Stop eating when you're full. (This one needs no explanation)
• Receive affection when it's offered. Thor loves to be loved. Sometimes people don't think they deserve it, which is really a shame, since it feels so good to be loved. 
• Don't hold grudges. Forgive regularly. This is something Thor does well. If he gets upset with me for not throwing his toy, he doesn't hold it against me for days. He just tries again later and forgives me in the moment. He also seems to forgive himself if he happened to do something naughty like steal meat from the counter or get into the garbage. 

If I ever temporarily forget I am living a good life, I just look at Thor and remember that my experience of life depends on how I see it and how I see myself. 

Bear in Mind

Living in a small, rural town I am reminded on a regular basis of the special experiences that are available naturally. . .that is if you're paying attention. Today was a great day for incoming inspiration. 


First of all, my husband experienced a bear sighting on his walk to work. At 6:15 this morning he took a short cut down a hill that intersects two streets, one of which that leads to the woods. As he walked the route that he has covered countless mornings, he became aware of an unusual sound to his left. Instead of continuing his trek, he stopped and saw a bear dragging a garbage bag up the hill, probably going home with breakfast for the family. Based on the story of The Three Bears, he told me this one probably represented the size of momma Bear. 


He considered himself very fortunate to be able to witness this wild animal in an act natural for it, but not usual for him. He related that it took about ten minutes for the bear to manage to get the garbage bag un-snagged from trees and brush until it reached an open space to the finish line. Although we occasionally see bears living in the mountains of Pennsylvania, this observation was a special treat. 


I also had my own little glimpse of nature. After returning home from my daily walk, I was going through a variety of stretching exercises on my living room floor. As I relaxed into a back bend, I notice a bird, perched on a branch leaning against the window. It caught my attention, so I took a closer look and noticed it was standing over a nest and was feeding two babies. 


What is interesting to me is this nest, momma, and babies have been within easy sight for sometime, but I didn't see them. I'm not sure where my mind was, but apparently it was not on my immediate surroundings. 


Although I was grateful that I was tuned in today, as was my husband, I wondered how many things that escape our attention each day that are potential sources of unique delight and wonder. 


I am reminded to not allow myself to always be caught up in thought of what is next on my to-do list. I am reminded to breathe and to stay present to what is around me. I am reminded to bear in mind that I am always surrounded by things of nature and people that deserve my attention. 


I am reminded that if I am not paying attention, I may miss a priceless opportunity to enjoy what is right before me. 

Trust Fall

An old, dusty dream of mine was awakened after a thirty-five year nap. The dream was born when I was eighteen years old, soon after I graduated from high school. It appeared at a time when I realized I wanted to live an adventuresome life rather than an ordinary one. 

As I brainstormed experiences (which were essentially a Bucket List, long before that term became popular), skydiving was high on my list.  In spite of my having a great fear of danger, and in fact, even hesitant to ride on a roller coaster at an amusement park, I still longed to have thrilling experiences in life.  I'm not sure why or how, but something deep within my heart seemed to know my childish fears would some day disappear and I would meet this dream. 

Although the desire to skydive originally came from the source of a young woman’s thrill-seeking adventure, when it popped back into my consciousness a few years ago, there was a different source stimulating the desire. At that point in my life, well established in middle age, minus many of those old fears, and quite open to new challenging experiences, a skydive epitomized the opportunity and actually the challenge to feel complete trust. 

I realized what I needed was to experience surrender in my body and especially my spirit, trusting all is well, no matter how a situation may seem and no matter what the outcome may be. To me, this feeling of totally letting go, leaping into space and being at peace unconditionally, regardless of the outcome, was going to be my teacher. 

I also knew my trust fall would be an opportunity to experience complete peace, even when in the face of potential danger or harm. I longed to feel safe as if in the palm of God's hand, no matter where I was or what I happened to be doing.  

With so many elements of trust blending together, this skydive was intended to be a life changing experience. The intended change in my life would be to feel peace rather than fear, no matter what I happened to be facing. 

On a sunny, breezy Sunday morning in June, after prior research for a competently run skydive center, I showed up at OZ Homestay in northern Pennsylvania to finally live out this dream. After signing the waivers and learning what was required of me, to complete my free fall, I was ready. 

Prior to boarding the plane, I noticed I was feeling unusually calm and present. A feeling of complete peace filled me as the plane took off and climbed to an altitude of 10,000 feet. After about 20 minutes and reaching the optimal altitude, I received instruction to prepare for the jump. I followed the rehearsed routine of making my way to the open door and positioned myself at the edge of the plane with my legs dangling in the air. As I looked down there was no sign of earth beneath me. There was nothing to hold me up, yet I was not in fear and trusted all was well. 

I will never forget the feeling of surrender when I physically let go of the wing and fell away from the plane. In spite of being battered by wind during my explosive descent,the paradoxical feelings of calm and exhilaration filled me. Once the parachute opened, the free fall rush at 120 miles an hour shifted to quiet peace around me, matching what I felt within. 

Once I softly landed on the ground, I knew I had changed. My physical experience of complete surrender and trust rather than fear-based attempts of control, showed me this was possible in anything I choose to do .  .  . even when both feet are firmly planted on the ground. 

Peace Without Apology

I periodically notice some people exhibiting signs of annoyance with me, and in some cases, even agitation, when I choose not to join the band wagon of complaints, worry and attack of a perceived enemy in reaction to local and world events. It seems, my positive attitude and approach can be disturbing to others that choose a different path. Although I notice the reaction of some of my friends, I will not apologize for being at peace. 


Thankfully, how we each deal with the issues of life is a personal choice. My preference is to stay aligned with joy and sustain peace "within" regardless of what may be showing up in the "outside" world. When I have been hooked by anger and then acted out with righteous indignation (even in cases when it appeared I was victimized) my negative emotions never improved the situation in question. What is especially true is that acting out in anger has never....repeat... NEVER made me feel better. I understand some of my fellow humans are convinced that their anger spurs them on to correct a wrong...to set things right, and that vindication and revenge feels good. Perhaps that is true for them. I just don't choose to roll like that. 


What I find to be a particularly interesting comparison is that I may even choose to take the same steps that those on the fist pumping side of the line may take when an injustice occurs. I make phone calls, write emails and sign petitions to inform my elected officials of what I believe, although what I say in a letter may differ from others. I don't sugar coat situations, but I avoid attacks. I write letters to the editor in support of that which I want to see more of, rather than complain about what should stop. I donate money to causes that support peace rather than destruction. I read articles that support peaceful solutions that are in alignment with my beliefs, rather than feed myself with more news and reports that stimulate hateful actions. Although many of us may take the same stand and in some cases even actions, how we feel in the process of creating change can vary greatly. 


Although I understand when people get hooked by an issue many are looking for others to join in the fight believing there is power in numbers, I am very careful with whom I will stand. Watching how the political parties work in our country are a great example of how fear is used to create a movement against the enemy (enemies vary depending on the issue). Bottom line...I resist jumping on a wagon that is destined for perpetrating a movement fueled by fear. 


What I have trained myself to do instead, is to keep my intention on creating a positive outcome. Rather than keeping my focus on battling a wrong, I simply keep my vision on what I want to see created instead. I have heard the story that Mother Teresa was once asked to march in an anti-war rally. She informed the activist inviting her that she would not rally against war, but she would be happy to rally for peace. This simple statement has been a tremendous  inspiration for the way I choose to live.


So which perspective is most productive in the end? The good news is we each get to decide. I will continue to choose a peaceful response since I know my creativity in problem solving, my effectiveness to create positive change and my ability to encourage others to show up at their best occurs when I stand in the light not the dark. 

Peaceful Smile with Wings

Earlier today when I returned home from my early morning Yoga class, I discovered a bird  in perfect condition, lying dead in my driveway. It had a surreal appearance that caused me to stand and stare at this little form for several minutes. 


From my giant-like perspective, I could see it's eyes were closed, feathers unruffled, beak slightly parted. If birds could smile, I think the look on it's face would have definitely qualified.  At first I tried to figure out how this little creature met it's demise. There were no physical signs of fowl play. None of  the neighborhood cats were anywhere in the vicinity, high fiving each other for taking this sparrow down. 


It appeared to be a death due to natural causes. Maybe it was a heart attack, or old age. Since there was not a tree branch, which could have been a perch, hanging over this death scene, the cause will always be a mystery. 


As I mourned the death of this little creature, wondering if members of it's family were nearby planning a little bird memorial service, I was reminded how natural death is. When I moved beyond my own sadness for the bird's relatives and friends, I realized the deceased bird was at peace. There was no suffering, no resistance. . .only peace. 


I then decided to create a little funeral. I prepared a grave under the Mulberry tree and gently scooped the bird with a trowel and placed it in it's grave. As I said a little prayer, birds swooped overhead. I'd like to believe they were paying their respects. 


When this unexpected experience was complete, I went inside feeling very peaceful. It reminded me that when it comes time for me to leave this world, I also hope to have a peaceful smile and wings. 

Intuition Over-ride

I have been working on developing my intuition for some time. You know, that small inner voice that always knows what's best for you. I consider my intuition to be God talking to me. Of course God wants the best for me so I often pause and check in with this inner guidance to keep myself on the right track.

My intuition guides me in many ways such as business decisions, what to eat, what form of exercise is best for my body today, what book I should read, whether or not I should take a short cut while driving through town or if I should purchase that leather bag I saw on sale. In essence, my intuition takes care of me and keeps my life running smoothly....that is, if I don't over-ride it.

Since I practice listening and sometimes even asking for guidance much of the time, messages come through frequently for little things as well as the big things in life.

Last evening, while cleaning up after a dinner party, I was attempting to store my crock pot on a high shelf. My intuition gave me a gentle warning to remove the lid first, since it could fall off. I over rode that warning. While on tippy toes with arms fully extended to reach the shelf, and with my face turned upward, the lid slipped off and clipped me just beneath my right eyebrow. As the blood ran down my face, my first thought was "I should have listened". My second thought was. . . "This eye is going to be a great reminder of this lesson every time I look in the mirror for the next week".

Perhaps I needed a black eye to hone in this lesson on listening. I will be reminded to slow down and be present. I will be reminded to not cut corners, but to do things with "smartness" rather than "flippedness". I will be reminded that I always get another chance.

Right now, my intuition is telling me this post is complete and to apply an ice pack to my right eye. I will now do as I am guided.