Making a Birthday Happy

Birthdays have always been a big deal for me. I happen to love special attention although I try not to expect a lot. A heart felt acknowledgment of my placement in life means a lot to me. Extravagant gifts or big parties are not a must. I also don't expect gifts or cards. You see, I have been down the road of birthday expectations and have been disappointed when the people I know love and care for me, might forget.

So, here's how I deal with that question of making a birthday happy these days. I aim to not put the value of the day on someone elses shoulders, or give them the responsibility of making it a happy day. It is my intention to find the happy within me, not outside me. How I manage that is by taking stock of who I am, what I have learned in the past year and where I am headed. I focus on loving me unconditionally. I also celebrate by doing the same number of abdominal crunches as my age. You see, these are all gifts and they all fit. Having access to make myself feel good is liberating....and I like that very much.

So where does that leave the loved ones in my life? When I manage to stay in that place of no expectation, then anything that happens or comes my way for my birthday is a surprise.... and I love surprises.

Today is that day of happy-making, birthday celebrating for me. So far, I have had a leisurely day in rainy Minnesota preparing to co-lead a workshop this evening. I have done my meditation, journaling, 2 1/2 miles on the treadmill and 56 crunches. I have been surprised by a mysterious singer of Happy Birthday on my cell phone, a couple of fun emails and a sweet card from a good friend. I already feel full....so anything else that happens will be icing on the cake.....not that I expect a cake.

The Oak Tree Perspective

I am writing this post in Albert Lea, Minnesota. I'm here to co-lead three workshops with my colleague, David Larson. David and his wife Carol are wonderful hosts. They live in a lovely home on a hill overlooking Fountain Lake. I visit here several times a year and stay in a guest room facing the water.

Just outside my window is a huge sprawling oak tree that must have been extending its roots for over a century. There are numerous other trees that surround the house, set on a hill creating a beautiful view of the lake below. The setting creates a feel of being in a tree house. Just for fun, I imagined if this oak tree outside my window could speak, what would it say? What would be its perspective of the world? It would have witnessed many changes over the years ....how has it dealt with it all?

Certainly the environment has changed significantly over the past century. The area gradually grew with homes being built over the years. What was once wilderness is now a thriving community. Residents of nearby homes come and go. The community has grown in population. The issues of the world have been many. Weather has sometimes been serene and at other times stormy.

Obviously this beautiful massive Oak has survived all of the changes. It has not only survived, but has grown over time. Although the world around this tree has changed, what the tree is, has not. In fact, the more it witnesses and lives through in this world, the stronger it gets. In spite of the changes that surround it, one thing remains the same. The Oak is still an oak. It is still beautiful, graceful and strong as it has always been. I imagine if this tree would speak, it would say "Just be. The changes around you do not determine who you are".

So, I am going to borrow this perspective from the Great Oak outside my window. I choose to stay strong in who I am, regardless of the changes, sunshine or storms, that go on around me.

The Hidden Blessings

I spent the entire day yesterday traveling. My well planned itinerary looked perfect on paper as well as in my mind. I was traveling from Wellsboro to Minneapolis. I've made this trip many times, mostly without incident or delays. Yesterday was different.

Now perhaps I had something to do with this unexpected turn of events. When I awoke, I said a prayer of gratitude for this trip I was to take and asked for some joyful adventures to fill my day. Although being stuck on the ground (in the plane) due to fog for an extended time, which caused me to miss my connecting flight in Philadelphia, and then more delays in Philadelphia and eventual re-routing via a different airline in another terminal of the airport, and lost luggage, I did have a day filled with adventure and blessings.

The adventures had to do with some of the logistic and physical maneuvering required of me to negotiate an alternative plan. I was eventually successful in finding a way to get me to my destination. The hidden blessings throughout the day turned out to be people I met along the way.

I have made it a practice to accept "what is" and look for something to appreciate in every situation. Although there are times, I cannot find a single thing to be grateful for, yesterday was a day that I had great success. In doing this, I typically seek to create conversation with other people. Airplanes and airports are the perfect setting for creating conversation with interesting people. I find if I can get interested in someone else, I tend to forget about whatever it was that was bothering me. Each step of the trip, I was able to make some lovely connections.

So although my day did not go as planned via my mind or my printed itinerary, it was definitely filled with many adventures and blessings. The blessing for which I am most grateful is that the day of mishaps did not affect my ability to be joyful.

Natural Beauty and Grace

Have you ever looked at a horse close up? Have you ever really taken in the immense beauty and strength and natural power this animal possesses?

Now, before I elaborate on my horse theme, I want to be clear I am not a horse owner nor do I have any personal history with horses. My admiration and inspiration simply comes to me by imagining how horses must feel.....what it must be like to be a horse.

So, picture this.....a beautiful sleek, muscled horse running in a full gallop. When I see this image in my mind I see a confident animal that is running as fast as it can for the sheer joy of it. It is graceful and powerful at the same time. It is simply being and doing what comes naturally.

What I don't see is this beautiful animal looking over its shoulder to see what is behind it. It doesn't look to the sides, but straight ahead. It may hold a vision farther ahead, but I bet whatever step it is in the process of taking is the only important step on its mind.

I doubt when a horse is in a race, it is comparing itself to the other horses. I bet it is not judging or idolizing the other horses. I also imagine it runs its best race and feels good when it's done, just because he/she did it. I'm pretty sure self put downs are not part of its process.

What I do imagine is that the more it runs, the more it learns about what is possible for it to accomplish. I imagine the enjoyment is true for it whether the horse is in a gallop, a canter, or a trot, or whether it comes in first or last.

Watch Out!

The title of this post may have misled you. It is not intended as a warning of what someone else may do that can affect you...it's a warning of something you may do to you.

For the purpose of this post I invite you to think of "Watch Out" as a reminder to pay attention to your thoughts, your hooks and your emotions. It is not meant to create fear as this command may typically create. The intention is for you to pay attention to what is going on in you at any given moment.

For instance, watching out for hooks means you notice what creates a reaction within you. What ticks you off or creates impatience, resentment or even anger. Once you notice, I'm not suggesting you then punish yourself, but rather take note of how you feel. What may have frightened you or upset you or just plain pulled you like a fish on a hook out of calm waters?

Another great place to watch is of the impact you are having in any given moment. Are you creating a calm space by your attention and care, or are you creating some agitation by your abruptness? Once you notice, be curious what emotions are present in the moment. Is this a common impact you have? What do you need to change in your life and relationships to have the impact you prefer?

One more example to watch for is when you feel small or unimportant or just plain wrong. Rather than just going down a dark hole of sadness and creating a story of how you are always messing up and no one respects you, get curious about your reaction. Is there something being said by someone that you need to clear up? Did anyone really do or say anything to put you down, or did you make an assumption about what someone else thinks or the situation that just occurred?

My suggestion is you consider this game of "Watch Out" to be one that makes that which you fear easier to be with. Remembering this game will help you to be more in-tune in your own life and to live in a way that is more fulfilling. Every time you notice a default way of being, you are one move ahead on the big game board of life. Of course, as always, I recommend you enjoy your process along the way.

The Wink of a Sunrise

Early yesterday morning I took off for my usual walk, hoping to catch the sunrise in action. As I focused my attention to the east as I walked along the ridge of my street, I noticed the rising sun was partially obscured by some trees in my view. My immediate thought was that it made it look like the sun was winking at me. Of course, I was completely amused by my noticing and then began to wonder what it meant.


As I thought about what the message was for me in the winking sunrise, I realized what it was immediately. I had noticed when I first got out of bed, I was a little bit draggy and not in a very happy mood. I didn't have a good reason. There was nothing to blame it on, it was just how I felt. Naturally since I started my day in this blah mood, things were not looking very good to me....that was until I saw my winking sunrise.


The wink of the sunrise was telling me to lighten up. It was reminding me to notice the unexpected and delight in it. It was telling me to wake up and enjoy this day by getting out of my own head. The wink was also telling me I was okay and that I was loved. It told me things are never as bad as they seem. It told me what is important will get done.....and most of all the winking sunrise said, I'm with you all the way, Kate. You'll never be alone.

So, I took my messages and went on my way....and you know what? The winking sunrise was right. I lightened up, delighted in my day, felt loved, saw the positive in the negative and felt connected to all, all day!

The "I" of the Storm

If you can imagine a terrible storm howling around you. There are high winds, rain, sleet, hail and snow falling from the sky. Windows shake and sometimes tree limbs, or even trees fall to the ground. Now imagine in the center of that storm, there is the eye, the calm place that is not associated with the chaos and damage that is present around the periphery.

This image of the storm described above is the same for us personally. I suggest you use the storm and eye description as a metaphor for life by remembering who we really are is the "I" of the storm. The chaos surrounding us represents the stuff of life. Much of the time our lives may be within the realm of manageable, yet there are times that it feels like we are being tossed about amongst the never ending list of challenges. These challenges may be family, financial, work related or may be physical. Many times we take on problems that are in other people's lives having their storms, intersect with ours. When we identify with the "stuff of life", it is easy to feel like a rag doll being tossed in the storm and unable to find peace. In fact, we just hope to survive whatever that current storm happens to be.

Now, take a deep breath and imagine experiencing life from the "I" where you feel strong, centered and balanced. This is the place where all of your gifts, strengths and inner knowing are being fully integrated as you interact and respond to the issues of life. You still make decisions, pay bills, handle family issues and work through conflicts, but without the feeling of helplessness or overwhelm. You respond to life's issues, rather than react to them. This calm, centered "I" of the storm is possible when you own and identify what is true about you.

Many of us are not accustomed to identifying and owning our natural gifts. We often tend to focus on our weaknesses or compare ourselves to others and wish we had their gifts. The truth is, we all have what we need to live life in the "I" of the Storm. When we learn to identify with who we really are then life seems more manageable and more enjoyable.

Who we really are is love, joy, freedom, compassion, passion and understanding. We are not our credit card balance. We are not the perpetual conflicts at work. We are not the gas prices or the stock market. We are not our aging bodies. We are not our children's grades. As long as we identify with that which challenges us, then we will feel helpless and scared. When we learn to focus on the truth of who we really are, we gradually feel more peace, joy, balance and harmony in our lives.

If this metaphor sounds like something you would be interested in tapping into, join me and fellow life coach, David Larson on November 15th in Wellsboro for a full day "hands on" workshop. Early registration discount available for those that register by October 15th. Contact me to register or for more information at 570-723-1020. (Registration limited, 10 openings remain)