Gratitude...The Path to Joy

Our company just left, the kitchen is cleaned, the antique china has been put away and all of the Thanksgiving leftovers have been stored for future meals. As I sit here looking at this picture, I have a renewed and deeper sense of gratitude.

The path my thoughts are traveling right now is about the connection between gratitude and joy. When I truly tune into how blessed I am in so many ways and feel the abundance of life around me, I cannot help but feel joyful. Try it sometime when you're feeling angry or upset.....just focus deeply on something for which you are grateful. You cannot feel negative emotion and gratitude at the same time.

Many of us, although we enjoy abundance in life of things like food, clothing and homes with heat, still focus on what is missing. We complain about the cost of living, yet we want more. We want bigger houses, bigger bank accounts, fancier cars and create misery for ourselves as we complain. When we focus on lack, we feel lack and associated disappointment, sadness and even anger. When we focus on the many every day blessings we enjoy, we feel joy.

I imagine the young man in this picture is grateful for his dog, his last meal and the handful of dog food on the sidewalk beside him. Without knowing this man's story, I would bet that more than anything he is grateful for the love of his dog.

What are you most grateful for right now?

The Closed Door

Recently, I had reached out to support a friend, but it seemed that the door to their heart was closed. They refused my offerings. I first noticed a sadness within myself that they were choosing to suffer alone, knowing how much I cared and could possibly help them feel loved and supported again.

As I thought about the dynamics of this closed door scenario, I realized sometimes I am the one inside, with the door bolted shut...other times, I am the one that knocks offering love and support. With my experience in both places, this is what I have learned.

Behind the Door:
Whatever the circumstances that may cause someone to go inside, close the door to their heart and lock it, you can pretty much bet that fear in some shape or form is involved. When we're afraid, things always look worse than what they really are. In a state of fear, we are also hypersensitive about possibly being a problem for someone else. Perhaps we don't want anyone to see us hurting, in fear that there would be associated judgment. We don't want to appear weak, out of control, vulnerable and helpless. Another factor that may be present is not even knowing what exactly is causing our feelings that are causing us to hide in the first place, creating confusion and yes, even more fear.

Outside the Door:
When we care about someone we love that appears to be hurting and not letting us in, we naturally approach them with open arms and a heart full of love. We knock on the door of our friend's heart and wait outside.....sometimes patiently, sometimes not....wanting to be allowed in. After all, their best interest is our concern. We believe without question that our loving care is just what is needed.

Sometimes it is....sometimes it is not. The truth is one cannot predict the perfect course or pattern for being supportive. I believe the best way to show that you care is to let the person know you're available to listen, or for any other supportive actions, remembering it is not your role to solve their problem. If it is clear they are not comfortable and desiring to talk at that time, keep your offer open in the event they are ready to let you in later.

I have learned in the past that allowing others to have their own experience of life, without trying to break down their door and coming to the rescue is typically best. What I know about myself is the more peace I feel, the more calm and loving I remain. The greater the level of my peace and love, the greater chance there is of someone trusting me enough to eventually open their door.

Making Peace With Abundance

I had an epiphany today about abundance. I noticed I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with the abundance of opportunities in my life and how I can deal with it "all".

I realized I cannot read all the books that are recommended to me. I can't read every blog or listen to every album. I can't follow up with every lead for my business. I can't have an intimate conversation with every friend. I can't meet every stranger. I can't prepare every recipe that comes to me. I can't watch every t.v. show that is listed on my DVR. I can't thoroughly read every magazine or respond to every post on facebook and Twitter. I can't see every play or go to every concert. I can't blog about every epiphany. At least, I can't do it all today.

My epiphanous (I made up that word) answer to this overwhelming list of possibilities is to be fully present with whatever is at the top of my list right now. I must accept that I can only be fully present to one task, one source of entertainment or one person at a time. It is only then that I can more fully enjoy that which is before me, knowing that the next moment, day, year or decade will offer me more space to fill with the abundance of blessings that are available.

Seeing my life as a container in which an endless number of experiences can accumulate, feels good and right to me. It enhances my joy and my sense of peace to know that every morsel of life that I choose to give my attention is exactly what I need in that moment. Everything else? It can all wait until I'm ready.

The Influencers

Look around, and you will find influencers everywhere. Influencers can be people you know well or can be complete strangers. They can come in groups or can be individuals. Sometimes influencers have a specific impact they are consciously trying to create. Other times, they are oblivious to the influence they're having. In some cases, it is situations that are the influencers.

In every case when one influences another, there will always be an effect. I've decided to be vigilant regarding the people and situations that influence me so that I can be more likely to experience positive effects.

When we watch television, there are innumerable influences that we are subject to. Some influencers are seeking to create fear (watch the news shows); others want to create lightness and laughter; some influencers want to educate and empower, and some simply want to shock us or create doubt in something we had previously believed.

The people we come in contact with every day, like friends, family and co-workers, also influence us. We can be hurt, angered, inspired or stimulated. We can be annoyed and influenced to complain and spread negative energy and pass on the influence we just received, or we can be softened and touched by an influencer and then go on and share that. We can be amused or insulted, challenged or seduced. We can feel better or feel worse than we did prior to the influence.

There's no way to completely avoid influencers. In fact, we all belong to the club. We influence and we are influenced.

As I thought about those that influence me most, I realized that I purposely seek exposure to those whose influence brings out the best in me. I seek the influence of those that create trust and do not focus on building my fears or creating new ones.

When I am tuned in and alert, I feel a negative influence rather quickly. Once I'm aware I can then decide to hang around or not. I can choose to seek the company of a more positive influencer instead, or just turn off my radio signal that receives what is being sent. By the same token, when I am aware of the influence I am creating, I am more careful with what I say and how I behave.

It is mighty empowering to realize that I need not be victimized by influeners and that I can control my exposure. It is also gratifying to know that my influence can be more positive by simply remembering I am influencing.

So, what influencers have been affecting you lately?

Imaginary Conversation

Yesterday, I discovered a new tool for finding my way back to peace. It was to have an imaginary conversation.

A few days ago, I had an interaction with a stranger that left me feeling ill at ease. I know I entered the encounter not feeling at my best and at the end, I felt worse. Unfortunately, this interaction was not with someone close to me, so it was not going to be easy to go back and clear things up with him.

When I noticed I kept on thinking about the interaction, I realized although I believed it would have been better if he apologized for his dog aggressively coming after mine, perhaps there was more going on for him that I didn't understand.

In my imaginary conversation, I sat down on the front steps of the home this man was building and where he let his dog run free. I asked him why he allowed his dog to run, knowing that he frequently goes after people or animals walking along the road. The dog owner told me that they are a team and that where he goes, his dog goes. In essence, they're partners. I was able to soon see that the relationship with his dog had some special meaning for him. I felt my annoyance subside and my compassion grow.

He assured me that his dog is not mean, although he does have a tendency to sometimes protect the area where his master is working. In my imaginary conversation, once he saw I was no longer angry, he opened up even more and shared that his wife recently left him and took their children with her, and now only his dog remains in his life.

In this imaginary conversation, my heart softened. I no longer felt angry or resentful. In fact, I felt love for this stranger. I understood that his behavior at the time did not clearly give me clues to the pain and fear he was feeling when our interaction occurred.

In our imaginary conversation, I also got to share what I was feeling at the time. My new friend understood my fear and took my hand to comfort me.

Together, two strangers, sat in my imagination and made peace after sharing what we were both feeling. We didn't attack, defend or blame. We listened and understood.

Although this conversation was imaginary, the feeling of peace, understanding and even love was real. I no longer hold resentment or anger for this man. I have forgiven him..... I forgive myself too for not being very understanding at the time . You see, both of us were in a state of fear when we met, so we were unable (at the time) to see beyond our own egos. Instead we attacked, both taking our righteous stand at making the other wrong.

What I am very grateful for is that even though I may never have the opportunity to speak to this man in a real conversation, the imaginary one in my mind restored my peace and the knowing that there is always more going on in any situation than what may appear to be.

True Wealth

I am a quote collector. I love quotes that make me feel something in the moment I read it or hear it. A recent one that came across my desk that gave me tingles up my spine....always a good sign, was " Wealth is the ability to fully experience life", Henry David Thoreau.

What I love about this thought is no one is excluded. If everyone believed this quote to be true, there would be no disappointments in life. Every person that would be able to fully experience life, whatever that happened to be, would consider themselves wealthy.

Now of course, for this to be true, we would have to give up the belief that to be wealthy is only determined by how much money we have to spend or happen to have in a savings account, bonds or trusts. Now, I am not against that kind of wealth, but that alone does not make a life worth living or valuable.

Some may also only treasure the life experiences that were easy or thrilling or with a positive outcome. Don't get me wrong.....I love those kinds of life events, yet I recognize that some of the more challenging experiences take me to a new level of understanding and appreciation. Over the course of my life time thus far, I have discovered there is more to the mix that makes life full than the obvious.

When I focus on life being a series of experiences and I am fully open, accepting and willing to live them, regardless of the associated emotions or circumstantial side effects, then I believe life will be full. My wealth account of living would be at the max.

The alternative of not fully experiencing life by resisting, complaining or hoping something would end only creates a cloud over the potential learning and growth that is laced within each experience. I am open for it all.

If anyone should ever overhear me complain about a challenging future life event, please remind me of what I am stating here. Sometimes we all can forget that there are blessings in every experience.

Invisible Rain

I was invited to be part of the local high school homecoming parade last week by driving my convertible with a King as my passenger. This was a new adventure for me, and since I love to do new things, I gladly accepted the invitation.

Unfortunately, about an hour or so before the parade was scheduled to start, it began to rain. When I arrived at the high school parking lot, I sat warm and dry in my car (with the top up), waiting for my passenger and instructions on where I line up. What I witnessed in that hour long wait was truly a gift. In spite of the cold October rain that was destroying the previously crafted and decorated floats, the students representing ninth, tenth, eleventh and twelfth grades joked, laughed and danced as they were pummeled by Mother Nature.

I couldn't help but think that their joy in this event could not be dampened. I did not see a single scowling face or act of anger regarding the inclement weather that dared to affect the night's activities. These kids were totally unaffected by the rain, almost as if it was invisible.

At five o'clock sharp the cars, floats and Fire truck took off in the assigned line up. My passenger, the Freshman King, and I, coasted along, throwing candy from our windows to the delighted children along the curb. As we moved along the route I was surprised to see an even bigger turnout of well wishers and parade watchers lining Main Street.

It almost seemed like the rain added to the fun. The students were all drenched. The paper decorations were falling off and paint was running down the sides of the signs. Parade watchers huddled under umbrellas and hooded jackets. I'm sure the weather made it uncomfortable, but the town spirit for the event was not dampened.

As I glided up Main Street, waving to the crowd, I thought about how happy I was to live in a town that cared more about community, connection and good fun than about how something appeared to be.

It appeared to be raining, but according to the students and the parade watchers, it was a delightful, balmy, October evening.