Goodies for the Soul

There is an inspiring woman in my community named Dawn Pletcher that has organized an impressive and generous organization called Goodies For Our Troops. I can't say how long Dawn has been organizing volunteers to wrap and pack the various goodies and personal items, as well as solicit donated items from vendors, that our troops overseas would love to receive. All I know is that since I first met Dawn requesting donations while sitting at a card table at a local grocery store entrance two years ago, I have been a supporter....albeit from a distance.

At the time of my first awareness of Goodies For Our Troops, my son was still a civilian, safely working at his job as a vintage race car technician. Now he's stationed in Afghanistan, and is on Dawn's list to regularly receive Goodie packages.

Today was my first opportunity to physically take part in the process of preparing the items for shipment, and I must say I was not only inspired by Dawn's vision and leadership in pulling off such a huge undertaking, I personally got to take part, and had a soul-filling experience.

As I walked into the activity room of a local senior citizen apartment complex, I was greeted by a young man that asked me to sign in and to write a personal note to one of our servicemen/women. Next, I received my assignment from Dawn to cut bubble wrap for the folks wrapping the Goodies at a table at the far end of the room. Our work went quickly, yet there was time to chat and get to know those working nearby. I found l loved mindless work that was still productive.

Soon, we were finished with that job, so I looked around the other tables for where my help might be needed. This time, I graduated to wrapping and once again the friendly conversation with some new friends continued.

Why I called this day Goodies for the Soul is because it was clear that the folks that filled that activity room were all there because they wanted to help. People wanted to give something to our service men and women that expressed their gratitude. The level of true, heart felt caring was palpable.

A side effect of this lovely organized week-end of "giving" was that all those that were donating their time were experiencing a lovely gift themselves.....the gift of community, caring, sharing and even love.

I have to admit, I have wanted to help and contribute my time to this great cause for some time, but before I experienced it, I did not expect to walk away filled myself. I imagine the feel the energy that Goodies For Our Troops produces today is probably much like that during WW ll, where all the supporters, safe on U.S soil, had the opportunity to say thank you to the troops by rolling bandages, taking over factory jobs and rationing.

Although my fellow volunteers, some of which had traveled from other communities to lend a hand, were there to honor the U.S. troops overseas, I, a very proud Mom of a U.S. army private, and citizen of the U.S., unexpectedly walked away with the greatest gift of all.....a soul goodie.

Story of a Recovering Pleaser

I previously suffered from a condition called pleasing. My condition started benignly, where it seemed normal and right to try to please all those that I came in contact with. However, after forty years, I caught on to the fact, that my pleasing was actually a sickness. I didn't always feel good when I was pleasing.

What made my pleasing a sickness was that my desire to serve was not fully coming from my heart, but rather from a place of wanting to earn approval and even love. Being validated as a good person was important. I'm not sure why I didn't know that fully at the time, but for some reason, having proof was vital.....hence the desire and actions to please.

I am currently in my 17th year of recovery, and feeling quite healthy, I must say. The good news is that I didn't lose any friends (at least that I know of), my family still invites me to gatherings and gives me gifts on my birthday and Christmas, my son grew up to be an independent and loving man and my husband is still happy he's married to me.

What I learned in my recovery process was that all I had to do was say "YES" to the things that made me feel good.....to do the things that brought me joy. Whether it is doing a favor, lending a hand to a friend, working on a committee or taking a job, I now know that if that action does not please me, then it will not serve someone else.

To fellow pleasers that read this and are believing I don't care about anyone else, take note......putting your worth and value as a being on this planet in the hands of someone else that you have tried to please, is dangerous business. You may or may not receive praise and lavish acknowledgements for pleasing, but if you are not pleased with and by yourself, unconditionally, you will never fully live in joy.

If you would like to start a local chapter of "Pleasers Anonymous", feel free to contact me. I have a feeling you would be in the company of many friends.

Instinct ...The Natural Guidance

While I was walking my dog this afternoon, I noticed that his actions appeared to be completely instinctual. Thor didn't stop to think what he should sniff and what he should avoid. His movements were natural as if he seemed to know what was right for him in any given moment. It made me wonder what it would be like if humans followed their noses the way animals do.

As Thor walked me around the block, I noticed how excited he was to be outdoors. It was apparent that being outside in the wild, so to speak, brought out an uninhibited joy. He tugged me along sniffing every spot that another dog or cat preceding him may have left a message. (My husband calls this part of his walks reading pee-mails). He also left his messages for those that will follow.

At times, he would stop and sniff the air as if to bring himself present to what else was possible and available to explore near by.

The most fun observation of Thor being instinctual was his delight. He was not following anyone else's plan for him. He was on a leash, so he went where I directed, yet he seemed to find joy wherever we went.

As I appreciated his enjoyment of natural freedom, I wondered what happened to us humans.

Did we forget that our natural tendency and instinct is to be happy? Did we forget that joy is always within us, waiting to be expressed? Or do we believe that others have the say on whether or not we could follow our bliss? Does our own fear of what may come in the future block our present moment instincts? Or have we simply gotten into the habit of planning every detail of our lives, missing the spontaneity and creativity that comes with freedom.

Whatever the reason, I believe that we all have the ability to grow our natural instinct to live happy, joyful lives.

Perhaps if we sniffed the air, we would discover bliss was near by.

A Simple Thank You

This is one of my favorite days of the year. I know I can renew and update my dreams and desires for life at any point in time, but for some reason a new year seems to call me to take stock with a more pronounced and meaningful focus.

Some of my thoughts are about plans for the coming year, but mostly my mind goes to how I want to be. Since I am always experiencing, learning and growing as a result of the choices I make, it is my desire to have whatever I experience serve me in some way.

To help myself get the most out of each year, I create a phrase or motto that I refer to frequently (especially when I slip off course). This year my saying is "Thank you". I love the simplicity of those two words, yet feel a lovely and powerful sense of peace and joy when I focus on thankfulness. I have learned that one cannot feel negative emotion at the same time as being grateful, so focusing on saying thank you in my mind for the many things in my life that I am deeply grateful for is bound to help me return to peace.

Knowing there are also likely to be some events that show up on my path in 2010 that are challenging and difficult, I also want to say "Thank you" then. If I see all of my life experiences as stepping stones that propel me forward, being able to say "Thank you" for all that occurs, since it all ultimately helps me grow, is likely going to make those bumps in the road, easier to take.

I suppose this is a case of not judging something to be good or bad, but to feel unconditional gratitude for it all.

As I stand in the present moment, I can imagine that 2010 will likely be a memorable year with much to be grateful for.

Disappointment Lessons

As mentioned in a previous blog post, in late December I tend to look over my shoulder at the previous year to see what I've learned and perhaps what I may want to change.

On my mental search today, I realized that disappointments don't have the same kind of power over me that they used to. This is a muscle that has been growing gradually for me. Where I used to be temporarily paralyzed when something didn't go the way I planned, or if someone didn't come through in carrying out a promise, or if I simply did not have "a plan" come together the way I anticipated, I notice I am now rarely even knocked off balance by disappointments. In the past, I would allow disappointments to pull me into the land of "victim", or stimulate me to be angry and seek revenge if another person was involved in a disappointing plot against me.

When I think about why I am not so easily hooked by disappointments, I believe it is a natural side effect of my ongoing focus in the practice of acceptance. With complete acceptance, there is another natural side effect of peace. When peace is present, disappointment doesn't have a place to latch hold.

Another component of not being victimized by disappointment is that I trust more than I used to. When something doesn't go as planned, I trust that a better solution or answer will take it's place. I may not know what it is, or when it will appear, but I generally trust it will eventually show up.

Of course, this is a muscle I will continue to strengthen by simply noticing how I feel. When disappointment hangs around longer than I care to hold it, I will follow the plan that works for me..........Accept what is and trust that all will eventually work out perfectly.

Peace Returns to the Kingdom

The Kingdom of Kate has officially returned to a peaceful norm today. All of the holiday decorations have been packed away. Guest's beds have been re-made with fresh sheets. Party leftovers have been eaten or frozen for later use. Gifts have found a place to be stored. Our beautiful Frazier fir has been carried outdoors and awaiting pick up. All outward signs of the Christmas holiday are gone, but certainly not forgotten.

Once again, our home was a center for several weeks of parties and quiet dinners with friends and family. Although it has been a very enjoyable time of celebration, I welcome the return of peace and order to my kingdom.

Perhaps I am a bit obsessive about having order in my surroundings. I like it when things are in their place, clean and neat. Each year, I temporarily over-ride my usual habits of housekeeping and schedules so that I can fully enjoy all the holiday prep and entertaining. It was complete this morning as we bid farewell to our last guests.

So, as I look around my kingdom, I see order and I feel peace and gratitude for all the fun that made the messes in the first place and I look forward to doing it all again next year.

The Power of Habits

In the last week of December each year, I find myself thinking about what I may want to do different with my life in the coming year. Last year at this time, I decided I wanted to get my weight under control. On January 1st, I began a program of mindful eating and increased my amount of exercise. By changing some habits I had gradually developed over the past 20 years, I lost 30 pounds.

At first, the change in my habits seemed challenging, but I didn't give up. I persisted with making mindful choices about eating, counted my calories and gradually increased my amount of cardio minutes weekly. Before long, the habits that were challenging at first became the norm. I was rewarded with feeling not only great physically, but also more empowered.

It was a great lesson for me, not only about how to live a healthier lifestyle, but also in the power of habits.

So, as I draw on my experience of learning how powerful habits can be, I am now looking at what I want to change in the coming year. One habit has come to mind so far, but it doesn't pertain to my physical health. It is more about me growing up.

You see, I have a habit of asking for help before I even try to do something on my own, or, at best, after a weak effort. My very sweet and caring husband likes to know I need him and is always willing to step in. My business partner, David, also kindly comes to my aid. In addition, I have several friends that are extremely helpful in various areas of need.

What I realized today is that my quickness in asking for help is simply a habit. I have developed a belief that I am mechanically, technologically, directionally and mathematically challenged. Holding on to that belief as if it was true, I realize I have cut myself short. I have sold out on my own inner power. This habitual belief is not healthy.

Please understand, I am not saying that asking for help is wrong. On the contrary, I believe it is imperative to know when you honestly need help and to seek assistance from someone that can lend a hand when needed. What I'm getting "real" about in my behavior is that I want to be honest whether I truly need help, or just want it.

If I practice this level of awareness on a regular basis, it seems my old beliefs regarding my perceived shortcomings may change. Perhaps I may even develop some new skills in areas that I haven't believed to be possible. I imagine I will feel pretty good, even with simply trying.....maybe even powerful.

I just hope it isn't harder than giving up daily lattes.