Practice, Practice, Practice

I read a magazine article today that encouraged practicing compassion. The author noted that although he believed we all had compassion in our hearts, it takes practice to truly use this spiritual gift. I love this concept and just happened to have recently made the same connection in a presentation called "The Art of Joyful Living".

It makes perfect sense to me that to get really good at something, you need to practice it. This is true with playing an instrument, singing, dancing, painting and just about anything else where we have a desire to create and perform at our best.

Compassion, as well as other gifts that may be under-used are love, joy, understanding, peace, patience and forgiveness. I suppose many of us are not practicing using these spiritual gifts since we are distracted by some negative things in our lives that demand our negative attention.

Ironic, isn't it, that most of us are well practiced in being stressed, frustrated, holding negative judgments, resentments and even anger, yet these elements are not part of our spiritual make-up? They tend to be part of our reaction to life rather than a response to living.

I've learned in my own life that whatever I focus on dominates my experience of living. If I focus on being victimized or resentful, the emotions I feel will not be very enjoyable. If I get hooked by the negative actions of others and practice feeling angry, then naturally my natural spiritual gifts of love, peace, compassion and forgiveness will not be felt or enjoyed.

Although being angry can often be justified and we can strongly defend our right to fight, what is also true is that when we demand to be "right" and insisting on someone else's suffering, we will always sacrifice peace.

I know it's not easy, but for me, living in a state of joy and peace with compassion and love are worth the practice.

Upside Down Thinking (The Sequel)

Since My last post on thinking upside down I had some additional thoughts about facing fears.

What I believe made my head stand an approachable fear was that I was in a safe place. Unlike my high school Gymnasium, the Main Street Yoga studio in Mansfield (http://www.yogamansfield.com/) was a very safe place for me to stretch way beyond my comfort level.

There was no one present that was about to laugh or make fun of me as I tentatively got into position, which also made it easy to try something new.

I also had help. My yoga instructor, Kath Thompson, had no doubt I could do it and offered, without force, the opportunity to give it a try. For some reason, for many of us, we are hesitant to ask for or accept help. That may have been true about me when I was 16, but now, I can ask for help, even from strangers, if there's no one around that I know personally.

Trust was also a big factor. I cannot imagine facing and conquering my fears if I didn't trust those that were anywhere near the vicinity of whatever new thing I was about to try.

I find it interesting that many people sometimes hang around with friends that they don't truly trust. I wonder why they would spend their time with someone that did not want to see them at their best, and perhaps even rather see them fail.

The circle of friends that are currently present in my life all pass the trust test. I'm sure as I continue to knock off fears one by one, my true friends will be cheering me on, as I will for them.

Upside Down Thinking

I had an epiphany while standing on my head earlier today in yoga class. You see, this headstand was a first for me and was a pretty big deal.

Forty plus years ago when I was in high school, I used every possible excuse to get out of performing a variety of physically challenging exercises, and headstands were on my taboo list, along with cart wheels, tumbling and the uneven parallel bars.

Since I was afraid of a myriad of results which included breaking my back as I fell to the ground and the fear of getting stuck upside down and being left to die because my class mates were always up for a laugh, I never expected my head would give the mat such a long kiss. Okay, so it wasn't more than a moment or two (not sure how long a moment actually is), but it was long enough to have an inspiring thought.

What popped into my inverted brain was that if I could overcome a fear that was 40+ years old, I can surely overcome the fears that were more recently developed. In fact, it makes sense to me that those fears from long, long ago have more time to expand to reach a higher than normal fright level.

If I could actually look that fear in the eye, then it must mean I can do it again. In fact, I bet I could knock off two or three fears a day if I put my mind to it.

Sharing the Road

Last week-end my husband and I spent over 10 hours driving a variety of roads between Pennsylvania and the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Spending many hours in a vehicle is a great opportunity to muse about life and how we all share the road along the way.

As we traveled at 65 miles an hour, I noticed how seamless the cars merged. Some were going at a faster speed, some slower than the speed limit. Some vehicles exited periodically and some were entering the flow of traffic.

As I wondered where everyone was going and what their stories might have been, it struck me how easy travel can be when we all respect each other along the way. There were a few exceptions where I witnessed aggression and a lack of respect, but overall the roads were running pretty smoothly those days.

To entertain myself, I made up stories about our unidentified fellow travelers. Some, I decided, were also going on vacation. Those vehicles often had extra carriers on the roofs of their cars or beach chairs strapped with bungee cords to their bumpers.

I decided some solo drivers were on their way to work, while others were on their way to check out a potential college choice with their son or daughter.

Some car residents were running away from home. Perhaps they just had their heart broken, or lost their job and were off to start a new adventure in a new city.

I imagined some senior drivers were off to visit their grand kids while a young couple in an old Nissan were on their honeymoon.

The possibilities for each traveler's stories were endless. What I was pleased to see was that regardless of the story, the age of the passengers, or their destination, we were all sharing the road with respect for one another.

So, whether you're on the road with other vehicles or traveling the road of life, remember, like you, your fellow travelers all have a story their living out. Give them some space to travel in peace.

The Stress Connection

Earlier today I was preparing a presentation called The Art of Joyful Living: How to Stay Tuned Into Joy in a Stress-filled World. As I organized my thoughts and I focused on the stress element that seems to steal our joy, I realized more fully than I had previously known, how in control we each are of even having stress.

For many years, I have wondered why the psychology experts offered classes on managing stress. I personally am not interested in managing my stress. I'd prefer to get to the bottom of it and eliminate it if possible. What does managing stress even mean? The image that comes to my mind is lassoing my stress so I can control it, only letting it out at certain times. Another image is putting a leash on it and keeping it at my side, like I do with my dog so he doesn't chase squirrels. Things like taking bubble baths or reading romance novels on the beach have been offered as ways to manage stress.

It's not that I don't enjoy bubble baths, juicy novels and the sound of waves rolling up to the beach. I know these elements can bring peace in the moment, but what about those stresses you managed temporarily when you go back to your real world, without ocean waves and bubble baths? Won't those stresses that I managed be back again, running amok through my life, creating mayhem and heart disease?

What I know about most of the stresses that show up in my life experience is that they are based on fears. I also know fears can be met and even eventually overcome, so why not pay more attention to what my fears are and then in turn eliminate the stresses that are born from them?

A good example is the stress I have when I am required to drive through a city in which I am unfamiliar. My fear is getting lost. Silly, I know. Even if I got lost, I could get un-lost, but it's my fear and it causes stress even thinking about it. I also am afraid of aggressive drivers. What if they scowl or yell at me for going too slow in the passing lane? Yes, I know....that says more about their stress than mine, if they don't have the patience to wait two seconds longer to make their move, but again I sweat even picturing it. I must say this stress is unrealistic since I even have a GPS telling me where to go, but my active mind messages make it real.

It seems the antidote for this particular recurrent stress of mine would be to spend more time driving in cities and getting experience so I don't feel so lost and incompetent. I'm quite certain this recurrent stress could actually evaporate if I no longer gave it so much attention and simply overcame the fear with experience. I could also give myself more positive messages about my sense of direction or my resourcefulness, or I can create a perspective of an adventure where whatever happens is all great food for my spirit.

I am clearly making a connection for myself that my stress is created by me. I am not a victim to it, but rather an accomplice. When I decide that it no longer is one I want to manage, I will let it go. The result will be more room for joy and that is always good for me.

Making It Up On Purpose

I have never been very goal oriented. It's not that I don't have desires or aspirations, it's just that I have always seemed to dream my dreams as I rolled along in life, rather than set them out way ahead on my path and then work hard to catch up with them. Maybe when I was young I was afraid to be disappointed if I failed, or perhaps I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to even set a goal.

Whatever the reason, my life works just fine playing it out the way I have. My preference is still to feel things out and trust my intuition as I watch opportunities come and go. I focus more on how I want to feel, and then allow ideas to flow that match that desired feeling. My sense is if I was a goal setter, my accomplishments would not be as great as those that were born from inspired ideas in the moment, and the serendipitous results that have come my way. No goals.... just situations, people and opportunities lining up to match me.

My goal-less way of living leaves room for lots of surprises. It's fun making it up as I go. Many times I find myself on a different path from where I started. I know if it is a path worth traveling by how it feels. If it feels hard (like work) and I am not compelled to talk about it with everyone I see, that is not a road I'll want to travel. On the other hand, when I am having fun, even though I am spending countless hours on a project, plus I eat, sleep, breathe, write about and talk about whatever it is, then that's a sure sign that I am in step with my purpose.

If goals work for you and you get excited even thinking about it, then have fun...go for it. If goals seem more like a should than a must, and you feel exhausted with no exhilaration, perhaps making it up on purpose will work for you too.

Lost and Found

I recently had an experience of losing myself. I generally enjoy being in the presence of my own company, and when I noticed I wasn't enjoying me, it was a big tip off that I got lost. Fortunately, this separation was brief and after only a few days, I found myself.

This separation occurred when I got ill. It wasn't a major illness, just a simple, run of the mill upper respiratory infection that zapped my energy and stimulated my "poor me" self. In my process of feeling disconnected from my "true self", I had some surprises.

One surprise was that the people that are present in my life including those on facebook were extremely supportive. Although in my mind, I was suffering, I didn't think my condition deserved sympathy and support, so that made me feel slightly guilty since my ill feelings were pretty minimal in the big scheme of things. Feeling even a little bit guilty is a sure sign that I lost myself. My true self knows that guilt serves no one and no thing.

Another sign that I was off my usual JOY track was feeling dull. I'm not just talking about my physical energy, but my inner energy. I was certainly not sharing any of my gifts with those around me. I also wasn't feeling creative or inspired. I believe that was due to my focus being on feeling sorry for myself. It's difficult to be in a state of peace and joy, or feel inspired and creative when self-pity is hanging around.

I also noticed I looked forward to a drug induced "high". I looked forward to downing my nightly dose of cherry Nyquil with probably a greater intensity than most people typically experience. Since I normally don't require use of even an aspirin or ibuprofen, my body felt chemically dependent on my drug of choice. As with any un-natural element (even those purchased over the counter), the good feeling didn't last. My drug induced peace left me feeling even more off balance and lost in the morning.

All of these signs created dis-ease for me over the week until I reconnected with my true self (which can feel peace even when the body doesn't feel well). This reunion with the real me occurred when I decided I had enough of my mini siege of suffering. I remembered that I am not my body and that my mind and spirit can over-ride the belief that I must suffer.

Later that day, my body responded in-kind. Symptoms dissipated. I can't say my body felt better because my mind said it was time and I realigned with my "True self" or the bug ran it's course. All I know is losing, and then finding the peace within me that never leaves, is surely best for all that may ail me.