40 Years...Some Things Never Change

I recently attended my 40th high school reunion. I've attended several earlier reunions and have always had a great time, but this one stood out for me. Maybe it's because 40 seems like such a big number, signifying that I would see huge changes in all of my old friends. Maybe it's due to a belief I held while still in high school that celebrating 40 years of anything, meant you were ancient, and I don't feel like that now that I'm here.

Whatever the beliefs I had leading up to this celebration, I was very happy I attended.

This reunion was an informal gathering, which seemed to allow more room for visiting, reminiscing and lots and lots of laughter.

As I reconnected with each of my fellow 40-year grads, I experienced a sort of surreal feeling...it felt kind of like being caught in a time warp between 1970 and the present day. What I discovered was that even though we have each lived a lot of life since high school, there was a familiar sameness to each person with whom I connected.

It didn't matter what our stories were or how many marriages we've had, what illnesses we have survived, how many children we've parented, where we've lived, what we do for a living or what our plans are for the future. We were all together again as if no time had passed.

Perhaps the greatest difference was that we were now each secure in who we are and did not feel a need to impress or fit in with the crowd. For five hours or so, the clock turned back and I, once again, was connecting with people with whom I had shared a very special time in my life.

At one point in the evening, I sat back and looked around and noticed that each person emitted the same kind of feeling or energy they did in 1970. Mannerisms, facial expressions, the way they laughed and even hugged, was the same. Sure, there was grey hair, different body shapes and facial contours, but the essence of who every one "is" felt the same.

The gift I take away from this experience is the knowing that although we may all be older (obviously), wiser (hopefully) and well-lived (surely), we are still made of the same stuff that was present back in the day when we were first launching into our grown-up lives, not knowing what was going to happen next.

In fact, here we are again, launching into the next stage of life, still not knowing what may be coming next.

Whatever it is, I bet at any point that we reconnect in the future, I will still feel the same "essence" of each of my classmates.

A Spirit's Quest

I had lunch with a friend today that will be setting off in two weeks on a spirit quest of sorts. He told me he doesn’t know why he’s going, or where he will go, or even what he will do when he gets there. He just knows in his heart that he is being called to travel around the United States (especially in the warmer southern climates), and be of service along the way.

There have been lots of things to do in preparing for this journey, such as selling his house and belongings, acquiring and learning how to operate a travel trailer, and saying good-by to friends and family before setting off on his adventure. He is trimming his belongings to a minimum, taking only what is necessary.

As my friend told his story which led him to this day, I felt his joyful anticipation, his sureness that he is following his purpose and the fear of taking off into the unknown without a plan. It felt like I was a witness to a conversation between his spirit, who was confidently charting his course, and his ego self, that continued to bring up points why this is a crazy idea. It was clear, his spirit has the most influence on his decisions.

As my spirit tuned into his energy the resulting enthusiasm was contagious. Sitting across the table, seeing the no-kidding sureness in his eyes, I noticed my own excitement about living an adventuresome life. Although our spirit’s quests are not the same, that feeling of joy we have when we trust our true self is within us all.

Although I can’t predict specifics, I believe regardless of the experiences my friend may have, he will be enriched, enlivened and an inspiration to others to also follow their spirit’s quests.

Unkindness Does Not Discriminate

I've been thinking about a young friend for the past few days that encountered a blatant and unprovoked experience of racism from a stranger last week.

Naturally, my friend was stunned and hurt as the verbal attacker told her to return to her own country. (My friend is a U.S. citizen and although born in India, was adopted at a very young age and has lived a very American life). I won't go into why this young woman deserves respect, since I believe we all innately deserve this universal act of kindness. What is dumbfounding to me is that this attack was apparently justified in this woman's mind.

Perhaps, this woman believed she was doing and saying the right thing by sharing her racist and discriminatory remarks. I imagine she was simply afraid that anyone that does not look like her may be taking away some freedom or opportunity reserved for only certain people....those that she approves as worthy. Perhaps her attack was simply her fighting against a perceived injustice and my innocent friend got caught in the cross-fire.

I wonder if this woman considers herself to be reasonable, thoughtful and kind. If she does, then does she believe that kindness is discriminatory? Does she believe only certain colors of skin, or certain life styles, or people from select backgrounds, countries and families deserve kindness and respect? Must we prove to one another that we are worthy of respect? If we are all subject to this potential criticism from those that come from different backgrounds, Is there one list of criterion that justifies our worthiness?

At this point in time, it seems, based on this account, that unkindness does not discriminate. My friend's heart, her talents or her contributions to society were not assessed and weighed, otherwise she would have surely passed the test of deserved respect.

I actually feel more pity for the woman that made the attack, since it is she that apparently does not feel secure enough to see beyond her very narrow minded view. My friend, although hurt by the attack, knows and loves who she is and will continue to be kind, respectful and caring about others, even when they don't look like her.

Miracles Happen

Today is my birthday. I happen to like birthdays, even though I'm in the age range where they may not typically be celebrated with joyful delight. For me, celebration of life is always in order as long as I'm alive. This particular blip on the calendar of my sequence of years is noteworthy since a week ago today I was in ICU recovering from an emergency abdominal surgery.

The story actually begins two weeks ago while doing some presentations in Jamaica. I noticed I was having some intermittent abdominal discomfort which was easily ignored. My mild complaints never interfered with the wonderful time I was experiencing in paradise.

After two weeks of living in Jamaican paradise, I was ready to return home to my normal routine, which is exactly what I did for the first two days. After eating a simple bowl of cereal for breakfast, just before my first client for the day arrived on September 29th, the mild discomfort I had been noticing intermittently, amped up considerably and became constant. Since I'm a firm believer in not obsessing about every little discomfort, I did my best through that hour long appointment to stay focused on my client. Before another hour passed, I was in the local emergency room, screaming "Uncle". After assessment, I.V. push pain meds and some diagnostic studies, I was off to the next leg of the adventure, a bowel resection. By that evening I was resting comfortably in ICU, minus 6-9 inches of my small intestine.

The miracle piece of this story is that my onset of severe abdominal pain did not occur while visiting a third world country or on a flight back to the U.S., or while waiting for a delayed flight in the Philadelphia airport. It happened a half mile away from a hospital that was able to treat me with complete and competent care.

Today.....(did I mention it's my birthday?), the sun was shining after a long stint of rain. I accepted it as a gift, even a little miracle. I felt great. No pain, good mobility, and no need for medication. The postman then appeared at my door with a box too large to fit in the mailbox, which is always fun. It was a gift from my friend Molly, which was a small pillow with the embroidered words, "In the presence of LOVE miracles happen".

If you follow this blog, you know love is a major focus in my life. I love love. This little hand-stitched gift felt like it was dropped from the hands of my guardian angel, right into my lap.....just in case I didn't make the connection over the past week.

I must say, with all of the excitement, I needed a reminder of what I already knew. Hopefully this lesson sticks.

Accepting Abundance

I am currently enjoying my tenth day in Jamaica. As I look around and appreciate the beauty of the resort where I am residing for two weeks, and the many people providing services to me as a guest, I'm noticing a difference in my ability to accept the abundance that surrounds me now, as compared to my first day.

When I first arrived, I was hesitant to take full advantage of what was available. For instance, even though I am on an inclusive plan, meaning I can eat and drink whatever my heart or tummy desires, without any additional cost for me, I noticed I was avoiding the highest priced items on the menu. For the first day or so, I did not order dessert, since my meal tab was already way above my typical top limit. I declined a drink before dinner, knowing the cost was high and I could get by without it. I hesitated to accept a golf cart ride to my room, which is a normal offering from the Resort bellman.

Fortunately, it didn't take me long to understand that I was staying in luxurious surroundings with a limited ability to accept the abundance that was being offered. In order to more fully enjoy what was available, I needed to make a shift in my perspective.

By day two, I began focusing on feeling deep appreciation for every luxury, every beautiful slice of scenery, every kindness given by the wait staff, my maid, the desk clerks and concierge. I focused on the beauty of complete gratitude for all of the blessings that are currently available to me. As I practiced this joyful celebration of all that surrounds me, I noticed I felt more at ease in saying "Yes" to the many amenities that are offered.

I can see this lesson is one that I can take home with me when my life returns to normal and I no longer have palm trees, Mango Coladas and a maid to turn down my bed in the evening. I will remember there is no shame in enjoying the many beautiful gifts that life can bring. I will remember that the more I allow abundance to be part of my life, the more I will have to share. I will remember that my living in lack does not improve the life of anyone else.

Accepting abundance in life is like saying we expect to be happy and will allow it to be present. It acknowledges we see ourselves as worthy of being cared for, loved and served.

What I also know is that the more love, kindness and care I allow into my life, and the more gratitude I feel and express, the sweeter life is and the better I am able to pass it on.

Practice, Practice, Practice

I read a magazine article today that encouraged practicing compassion. The author noted that although he believed we all had compassion in our hearts, it takes practice to truly use this spiritual gift. I love this concept and just happened to have recently made the same connection in a presentation called "The Art of Joyful Living".

It makes perfect sense to me that to get really good at something, you need to practice it. This is true with playing an instrument, singing, dancing, painting and just about anything else where we have a desire to create and perform at our best.

Compassion, as well as other gifts that may be under-used are love, joy, understanding, peace, patience and forgiveness. I suppose many of us are not practicing using these spiritual gifts since we are distracted by some negative things in our lives that demand our negative attention.

Ironic, isn't it, that most of us are well practiced in being stressed, frustrated, holding negative judgments, resentments and even anger, yet these elements are not part of our spiritual make-up? They tend to be part of our reaction to life rather than a response to living.

I've learned in my own life that whatever I focus on dominates my experience of living. If I focus on being victimized or resentful, the emotions I feel will not be very enjoyable. If I get hooked by the negative actions of others and practice feeling angry, then naturally my natural spiritual gifts of love, peace, compassion and forgiveness will not be felt or enjoyed.

Although being angry can often be justified and we can strongly defend our right to fight, what is also true is that when we demand to be "right" and insisting on someone else's suffering, we will always sacrifice peace.

I know it's not easy, but for me, living in a state of joy and peace with compassion and love are worth the practice.

Upside Down Thinking (The Sequel)

Since My last post on thinking upside down I had some additional thoughts about facing fears.

What I believe made my head stand an approachable fear was that I was in a safe place. Unlike my high school Gymnasium, the Main Street Yoga studio in Mansfield (http://www.yogamansfield.com/) was a very safe place for me to stretch way beyond my comfort level.

There was no one present that was about to laugh or make fun of me as I tentatively got into position, which also made it easy to try something new.

I also had help. My yoga instructor, Kath Thompson, had no doubt I could do it and offered, without force, the opportunity to give it a try. For some reason, for many of us, we are hesitant to ask for or accept help. That may have been true about me when I was 16, but now, I can ask for help, even from strangers, if there's no one around that I know personally.

Trust was also a big factor. I cannot imagine facing and conquering my fears if I didn't trust those that were anywhere near the vicinity of whatever new thing I was about to try.

I find it interesting that many people sometimes hang around with friends that they don't truly trust. I wonder why they would spend their time with someone that did not want to see them at their best, and perhaps even rather see them fail.

The circle of friends that are currently present in my life all pass the trust test. I'm sure as I continue to knock off fears one by one, my true friends will be cheering me on, as I will for them.