We are in the midst of the holiday season and peace and joy abound.
Shoppers are hustling and bustling about, choosing the perfect gifts for their loved ones. Trees are cut and decorated, families gather, special meals are prepared, and thoughtful gifts are shared.
We connect with friends, co-workers and neighbors to share a drink and special treats. We sing carols while standing around the piano, attend special church services and make donations to those that are less fortunate.
We follow the traditions, religious and secular, that mean something very special to us.
I think it's safe to say most people truly enjoy this time of year and show it in their mood and in their actions. I notice people going out of their way to be kind, friendly and welcoming. I see more patience, understanding, generosity and compassion in the midst of strangers, family members or co-workers. In essence, most of us seem to behave at our best this time of year and we all appreciate the extra acts of kindness we receive.
So, if most of us enjoy the peace and joy of the season, why is it seasonal? Why don't we maintain the same sense of caring for our neighbor or co-worker all year long?
Sound good? Well, it's possible! We just have to be conscious and deliberate with our attitude and actions. Peace is not a season. We can each behave in the same peaceful and caring way all year long and we can do it without having a punch bowl in the office lunch room. We can do it by consciously choosing to treat others in a way that would improve every conversation, every meeting and ultimately every relationship.
My offer to you is to remember your potential for having a very positive impact will go on long after the decorations come down. You can choose to be kind, generous and understanding every day. Hopefully, those whose lives you touch will pass it on to others, and that would truly be something to celebrate.
May the blessings of this season carry on for you all year long!
There has been some concern about the health of my heart after I experienced a couple episodes of chest pain last week. I'm extremely healthy, with no prior history of any problems and was surprised to be awakened in the middle of the night with sternal pain. If I hadn't just walked ten miles two days before, I may have overlooked the episode. Instead, I told my Doc, who ordered a nuclear stress test, so he could sleep better.
Although, the official findings have not come back, the unofficial results have been reported below:
This sixty year old healthy, white female presented for her stress test on orders of her doctor. She noted the most stressful part of the procedure was going without coffee and chocolate for 24 hours prior to the test, and without food for eight hours.
The test proved to be uneventful and routine even though she was not in charge of setting the speed or level of incline of the treadmill.
An I.V. and wires were attached to the patient and she happily took off for her make believe hilly trek, while the physician, students and technicians looked on, watching the monitors and commenting on the heart's S-T segments, causing Kate to feel a bit like a lab rat in a laboratory.
A short time into the procedure, it became clear that this subject's heart was quite large....not in a bad way, but in a way that has obviously allowed itself to be touched. There was also evidence that this big heart has reached out to touch many others.
This heart also showed significant signs of healing from previous episodes of being broken. It was warm and soft and surrounded with bubbles, which were apparently secondary to a history of numerous joyful experiences.
There were chambers filled with happiness and some with sadness, all of which showed signs of being cracked open many times in the past, allowing for all that it contained to be fully felt.
The heart beat was strong and regular, with a bit of a jazz rhythm to it. (Nice to listen to and easy to dance to).
There were some areas of mushiness....apparently secondary to watching quite a few You-Tube videos of dogs being rescued and kittens being cuddled by babies, as well as some touching marriage proposals.
Although 60 years old, this heart specimen was quite young in appearance and opened easily when new experiences and people were introduced to it.
Overall, this heart shows itself to be extremely healthy and resilient and is expected to continue to beat regularly until it stops. . . hopefully a long, long, time from now.
I had an epiphany of sorts a few weeks ago as I stood in front of a San Diego hotel, waiting for my airport shuttle bus. What struck me in the moment was that I was relaxed, calm and unhurried, even though travel will often tend to add to one's stress level.
As my wait continued, I realized that I can typically avoid the kind of stress that comes with travel, or even with life in general, since I make sure I am prepared and ready ahead of schedule. In other words, I tend to work my life in a way so that I have time to spare.
This tendency that I have always had, and the benefits of which I apparently took for granted, was suddenly seen as a major key in keeping my stress levels low and peace levels high.
For instance, when traveling, I begin to pack a day or two early, referring to a master list of all the things I typically need, instead of relying on my memory.
I print my boarding passes ahead and save time with check-in.
I weigh my bag at home to be sure I won't be inconvenienced if my bag goes over 50 pounds.
I pack snacks, reading material, etc. etc. in my carry-on so I will be comfortable and entertained.
Before returning home, I repack my bag the evening before, keeping what I will need aside for easy access in the morning.
At home, I have back ups of various food items that I use frequently, so when I run out I won't have to make a quick run to the store in the midst of cooking or baking.
I use lists to help me remember what is needed to be done on that particular day.
I double recipes and freeze food for quick meals for a future date.
I schedule exercise time for myself as I would an appointment with someone else.
I respond to emails on a timely basis, rather than allow them to accumulate in my inbox.
I allow time in between my client appointments, just in case we go a bit long.
I leave my home a few minutes early to allow for any snags in traffic.
Okay, I could go on here, but I think you get the picture. When I (and you) anticipate what is needed and prepare for it in such a way that we avoid last minute inconveniences, life is easier.
Simple? Yes. Easy? Maybe not for some, but I guarantee even a bit more anticipatory thinking in your life will eliminate unnecessary stress. The elimination of little stressors that can accumulate into bigger ones, will give you time to spare to do the things you love.
The most wonderful part of having time to spare for me is having time to take a breath and when I (and you) have time to take a breath, there's room for peace.
Earlier this morning, I took my dog, Thor, out for a walk. The snow was coming down heavily adding to the twelve inches that fell a few days ago.
As we walked along, enjoying the beauty of the fluffy white coating everywhere I looked, I noticed that every few minutes Thor would shake off the snow that had accumulated on his brown burled coat. Since I'm usually opened to be inspired by a metaphor, this noticing was no exception.
What struck me was that most humans tend to not shake off what bothers them very easily. We tend to carry the struggles that have accumulated in our lives as if they are badges of honor rather than letting them go once they've passed. I suppose holding memories may not necessarily be harmful, but if we stay focused on how we have been victimized, or hurt or suffered in some way, we prolong the hurt and suffering, like opening up an old wound over and over again.
If we tended to shake off whatever accumulates in our lives, like Thor shakes off the snow, it seems we would find ourselves walking a more comfortable path that would keep us focused on appreciating where we are in the present moment and looking forward to where we're headed.
An amusing ending to this story is when we returned home and I walked passed a mirror, I noticed two inches of snow accumulated on top of my hat. Perhaps if I was more aware, I would have shaken it off earlier.
The older I become, the more committed I am to living in a state of peace. By peace, I mean inner peace, since I have little to no control over the war and chaos that is present around me.
Perhaps my growing commitment is due to the realization that I don't have an endless amount of time to get my life on track and to live and feel the way I choose, which is peacefully and joyfully. At any rate, I am not willing to delay living in peace, waiting for chaos around me to cease.
When I watch the news and see the exploitation of the weak and innocent, the insanity of wars between countries over borders and the violence that occurs everywhere, I am reminded how fragile we all are living in this world.
I read about innocent people gunned down in shopping malls and schools.
I hear accounts of illness, accidents and debilitating injuries that occur daily, affecting countless people of all ages.
There are plane and car crashes, oil spills, forest fires, hurricanes and tornadoes that dramatically change lives in an instant.
With all of the potential calamities and disasters that can possibly occur in our lifetimes, it may seem impossible to experience inner peace. After all, we're human. The enemy of peace, which is fear, seems normal and is simply a natural part of life.
I believe peace is what is actually natural.
Although my view may not be shared by everyone, I refuse to get caught up in mini wars in my own life, knowing that many of the potential battles that exist will not bring me peace in the end. I can still be in peace even if you disagree.
There is a simple habit I have developed that keeps me in a peaceful state (at least, most of the time), and that is to remember to stay in the present moment, rather than fast forward my mind to the future, where fears can grow at warp speed and my peace can evaporate at the same pace.
Since there are no guarantees in this life that we will live out our years here on earth, unharmed and intact, accepting the possibilities, without dwelling on them is the first step.
If we are living our lives in a state of gratitude and appreciation for the simple things, like being able to go to our refrigerator and reach for a drink or food whenever we want it, makes that moment feel different than it would if we were worrying about how high food prices will be the next time we shop.
Fear changes nothing for the better. In contrast, it robs us of peace right now.
If you are wondering at this point, how one can live in peace when the unthinkable actually does happen, my response is simple. . . accept, rather than resist whatever it may be. Of course, if there is something you can do to change any negative event, get into action, do it and fast. If, however, you cannot change the circumstances, then the only alternative is to accept it. Accept that it has happened as well as how you feel. Resisting the truth of "what is" (including possibly your own grief), only delays peace. Allowing life to continue to flow also allows you to be at peace with whatever "is" in any given moment.
In one of my keynotes, The Art of Joyful Living, I emphasize how any new skill or art takes practice. I encourage anyone that finds the concept of living in a peaceful state of mind (regardless of circumstances), appealing, to notice what you think about most of the time.....your current situation, or the fear of what may possibly happen at some point in the future.
Since you only truly have this moment, NOW, I encourage you to step into it, feel it, and enjoy the peace that is always waiting for you there. Eventually, with practice, fear will eventually loosen it's grip, allowing peace to simply be.
Princess of Joyful Leadership
Today is my 60th birthday and I must say it has been painless. . . in fact, contrary to a general social consensus that joy is only for the young, the start of my seventh decade of life has been a fun ride so far and I fully intend to allow that to continue.
Those that know me well, will not be surprised. I get teased regularly about my positive outlook on life, even when things look grim. Sometimes, I am accused of burying my head in the sand, since to my accusers, it seems impossible to be joyful when there are so many things occurring in today's world that should make me angry and fearful.
Some believe I never feel sad, scared or anxious. None of those things are true either. I do. I just don't linger there longer than I need to. I meet my feelings (whatever they are) with curiosity and take a close look at the fears that lurk under any negative feelings. Once I look, I am reminded that I can meet whatever shows up. There is nothing that has occurred in my life thus far that I have not survived. That little nugget is true for all of us. We are still here, so we survived. The road we traveled to this present point in time can be filled with drama, resistance, blame and anger, or it can be lined with love, appreciation, acceptance and compassion. I generally spend most of my time on the latter road. It feels better to travel there and I am actually in better shape to effectively meet whatever challenge or obstacle that shows up when I don't get hooked by the negative elements surrounding it.
This momentous, decade changing birthday is an opportunity to renew the commitment to myself to enjoy every day, unconditionally. The unconditional part can be a sticky point, but it is imperative in living a joyful life, remembering that peace is the flip side of the joy coin, and finding peace with whatever shows up is a must.
Who knows how many hours, days or years are left for any of us? I, for one, am not willing to waste any time on living any of it on complaining, hating, resisting, judging or lamenting any difficulties that come my way. I have dabbled in those experiences in earlier decades and have not found them to be effective in making anything better, and they certainly don't create joy.
The commitment I make to myself on this momentous day is to be grateful for every day, to express love rather than disappointment, to enjoy what is, rather than complain about what isn't, to stand for the good I believe in, rather than hate the bad that threatens it.
So, I say bring it on, Sixth Decade....I'm ready! You will not change my mind since it is my thoughts that are the only things over which I have control.
As I listened to the NPR news this morning, the headline story was about the Supreme Court beginning it's arguments on the sweeping health care law. Although I have strong opinions about health care, what really caught my attention was the word arguments.
When I hear the word argument, I picture two or more people, red-faced with pumping fists, speaking with loud voices, attempting to prove their point and not listening to the others.
It seems to me that if the Supreme court Justices were expected to have a Constitutional conversation where they can listen, share and eventually collaborate, would make it much more likely that the best and just decision could be made.
Arguing humans are not usually at their best. When we argue, we're afraid of being misunderstood, overlooked, misused or abused. The key emotion that can be present here is fear. When we are afraid, we are defensive and sometimes even feel the need to attack. Our words and actions don't always make sense, but that doesn't matter if our need to be right is what we're fighting for. When we argue our need to win or be right seems to outshine the need to be fair or just.
On the other hand, when a conversation is taking place, all parties are more likely to not be in a defensive mode. Openness to hearing all of the facts, being fair, respectful and collaborative are qualities that can be seen when one is not in the state of fear that arguments can create.
The bottom line on this topic is that it seems our government and society is set up to argue, debate and fight to get it's way. The side with the largest number of supporters wins.
Unfortunately, as this mode of fearful exchanges continue within our society (including our elected officials), we miss the opportunity to really understand what our opponents are saying or to be truly heard ourselves.
The end result of most arguments is that no one wins.
