Unkindness Does Not Discriminate

I've been thinking about a young friend for the past few days that encountered a blatant and unprovoked experience of racism from a stranger last week.

Naturally, my friend was stunned and hurt as the verbal attacker told her to return to her own country. (My friend is a U.S. citizen and although born in India, was adopted at a very young age and has lived a very American life). I won't go into why this young woman deserves respect, since I believe we all innately deserve this universal act of kindness. What is dumbfounding to me is that this attack was apparently justified in this woman's mind.

Perhaps, this woman believed she was doing and saying the right thing by sharing her racist and discriminatory remarks. I imagine she was simply afraid that anyone that does not look like her may be taking away some freedom or opportunity reserved for only certain people....those that she approves as worthy. Perhaps her attack was simply her fighting against a perceived injustice and my innocent friend got caught in the cross-fire.

I wonder if this woman considers herself to be reasonable, thoughtful and kind. If she does, then does she believe that kindness is discriminatory? Does she believe only certain colors of skin, or certain life styles, or people from select backgrounds, countries and families deserve kindness and respect? Must we prove to one another that we are worthy of respect? If we are all subject to this potential criticism from those that come from different backgrounds, Is there one list of criterion that justifies our worthiness?

At this point in time, it seems, based on this account, that unkindness does not discriminate. My friend's heart, her talents or her contributions to society were not assessed and weighed, otherwise she would have surely passed the test of deserved respect.

I actually feel more pity for the woman that made the attack, since it is she that apparently does not feel secure enough to see beyond her very narrow minded view. My friend, although hurt by the attack, knows and loves who she is and will continue to be kind, respectful and caring about others, even when they don't look like her.

Miracles Happen

Today is my birthday. I happen to like birthdays, even though I'm in the age range where they may not typically be celebrated with joyful delight. For me, celebration of life is always in order as long as I'm alive. This particular blip on the calendar of my sequence of years is noteworthy since a week ago today I was in ICU recovering from an emergency abdominal surgery.

The story actually begins two weeks ago while doing some presentations in Jamaica. I noticed I was having some intermittent abdominal discomfort which was easily ignored. My mild complaints never interfered with the wonderful time I was experiencing in paradise.

After two weeks of living in Jamaican paradise, I was ready to return home to my normal routine, which is exactly what I did for the first two days. After eating a simple bowl of cereal for breakfast, just before my first client for the day arrived on September 29th, the mild discomfort I had been noticing intermittently, amped up considerably and became constant. Since I'm a firm believer in not obsessing about every little discomfort, I did my best through that hour long appointment to stay focused on my client. Before another hour passed, I was in the local emergency room, screaming "Uncle". After assessment, I.V. push pain meds and some diagnostic studies, I was off to the next leg of the adventure, a bowel resection. By that evening I was resting comfortably in ICU, minus 6-9 inches of my small intestine.

The miracle piece of this story is that my onset of severe abdominal pain did not occur while visiting a third world country or on a flight back to the U.S., or while waiting for a delayed flight in the Philadelphia airport. It happened a half mile away from a hospital that was able to treat me with complete and competent care.

Today.....(did I mention it's my birthday?), the sun was shining after a long stint of rain. I accepted it as a gift, even a little miracle. I felt great. No pain, good mobility, and no need for medication. The postman then appeared at my door with a box too large to fit in the mailbox, which is always fun. It was a gift from my friend Molly, which was a small pillow with the embroidered words, "In the presence of LOVE miracles happen".

If you follow this blog, you know love is a major focus in my life. I love love. This little hand-stitched gift felt like it was dropped from the hands of my guardian angel, right into my lap.....just in case I didn't make the connection over the past week.

I must say, with all of the excitement, I needed a reminder of what I already knew. Hopefully this lesson sticks.

Accepting Abundance

I am currently enjoying my tenth day in Jamaica. As I look around and appreciate the beauty of the resort where I am residing for two weeks, and the many people providing services to me as a guest, I'm noticing a difference in my ability to accept the abundance that surrounds me now, as compared to my first day.

When I first arrived, I was hesitant to take full advantage of what was available. For instance, even though I am on an inclusive plan, meaning I can eat and drink whatever my heart or tummy desires, without any additional cost for me, I noticed I was avoiding the highest priced items on the menu. For the first day or so, I did not order dessert, since my meal tab was already way above my typical top limit. I declined a drink before dinner, knowing the cost was high and I could get by without it. I hesitated to accept a golf cart ride to my room, which is a normal offering from the Resort bellman.

Fortunately, it didn't take me long to understand that I was staying in luxurious surroundings with a limited ability to accept the abundance that was being offered. In order to more fully enjoy what was available, I needed to make a shift in my perspective.

By day two, I began focusing on feeling deep appreciation for every luxury, every beautiful slice of scenery, every kindness given by the wait staff, my maid, the desk clerks and concierge. I focused on the beauty of complete gratitude for all of the blessings that are currently available to me. As I practiced this joyful celebration of all that surrounds me, I noticed I felt more at ease in saying "Yes" to the many amenities that are offered.

I can see this lesson is one that I can take home with me when my life returns to normal and I no longer have palm trees, Mango Coladas and a maid to turn down my bed in the evening. I will remember there is no shame in enjoying the many beautiful gifts that life can bring. I will remember that the more I allow abundance to be part of my life, the more I will have to share. I will remember that my living in lack does not improve the life of anyone else.

Accepting abundance in life is like saying we expect to be happy and will allow it to be present. It acknowledges we see ourselves as worthy of being cared for, loved and served.

What I also know is that the more love, kindness and care I allow into my life, and the more gratitude I feel and express, the sweeter life is and the better I am able to pass it on.

Practice, Practice, Practice

I read a magazine article today that encouraged practicing compassion. The author noted that although he believed we all had compassion in our hearts, it takes practice to truly use this spiritual gift. I love this concept and just happened to have recently made the same connection in a presentation called "The Art of Joyful Living".

It makes perfect sense to me that to get really good at something, you need to practice it. This is true with playing an instrument, singing, dancing, painting and just about anything else where we have a desire to create and perform at our best.

Compassion, as well as other gifts that may be under-used are love, joy, understanding, peace, patience and forgiveness. I suppose many of us are not practicing using these spiritual gifts since we are distracted by some negative things in our lives that demand our negative attention.

Ironic, isn't it, that most of us are well practiced in being stressed, frustrated, holding negative judgments, resentments and even anger, yet these elements are not part of our spiritual make-up? They tend to be part of our reaction to life rather than a response to living.

I've learned in my own life that whatever I focus on dominates my experience of living. If I focus on being victimized or resentful, the emotions I feel will not be very enjoyable. If I get hooked by the negative actions of others and practice feeling angry, then naturally my natural spiritual gifts of love, peace, compassion and forgiveness will not be felt or enjoyed.

Although being angry can often be justified and we can strongly defend our right to fight, what is also true is that when we demand to be "right" and insisting on someone else's suffering, we will always sacrifice peace.

I know it's not easy, but for me, living in a state of joy and peace with compassion and love are worth the practice.

Upside Down Thinking (The Sequel)

Since My last post on thinking upside down I had some additional thoughts about facing fears.

What I believe made my head stand an approachable fear was that I was in a safe place. Unlike my high school Gymnasium, the Main Street Yoga studio in Mansfield (http://www.yogamansfield.com/) was a very safe place for me to stretch way beyond my comfort level.

There was no one present that was about to laugh or make fun of me as I tentatively got into position, which also made it easy to try something new.

I also had help. My yoga instructor, Kath Thompson, had no doubt I could do it and offered, without force, the opportunity to give it a try. For some reason, for many of us, we are hesitant to ask for or accept help. That may have been true about me when I was 16, but now, I can ask for help, even from strangers, if there's no one around that I know personally.

Trust was also a big factor. I cannot imagine facing and conquering my fears if I didn't trust those that were anywhere near the vicinity of whatever new thing I was about to try.

I find it interesting that many people sometimes hang around with friends that they don't truly trust. I wonder why they would spend their time with someone that did not want to see them at their best, and perhaps even rather see them fail.

The circle of friends that are currently present in my life all pass the trust test. I'm sure as I continue to knock off fears one by one, my true friends will be cheering me on, as I will for them.

Upside Down Thinking

I had an epiphany while standing on my head earlier today in yoga class. You see, this headstand was a first for me and was a pretty big deal.

Forty plus years ago when I was in high school, I used every possible excuse to get out of performing a variety of physically challenging exercises, and headstands were on my taboo list, along with cart wheels, tumbling and the uneven parallel bars.

Since I was afraid of a myriad of results which included breaking my back as I fell to the ground and the fear of getting stuck upside down and being left to die because my class mates were always up for a laugh, I never expected my head would give the mat such a long kiss. Okay, so it wasn't more than a moment or two (not sure how long a moment actually is), but it was long enough to have an inspiring thought.

What popped into my inverted brain was that if I could overcome a fear that was 40+ years old, I can surely overcome the fears that were more recently developed. In fact, it makes sense to me that those fears from long, long ago have more time to expand to reach a higher than normal fright level.

If I could actually look that fear in the eye, then it must mean I can do it again. In fact, I bet I could knock off two or three fears a day if I put my mind to it.

Sharing the Road

Last week-end my husband and I spent over 10 hours driving a variety of roads between Pennsylvania and the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Spending many hours in a vehicle is a great opportunity to muse about life and how we all share the road along the way.

As we traveled at 65 miles an hour, I noticed how seamless the cars merged. Some were going at a faster speed, some slower than the speed limit. Some vehicles exited periodically and some were entering the flow of traffic.

As I wondered where everyone was going and what their stories might have been, it struck me how easy travel can be when we all respect each other along the way. There were a few exceptions where I witnessed aggression and a lack of respect, but overall the roads were running pretty smoothly those days.

To entertain myself, I made up stories about our unidentified fellow travelers. Some, I decided, were also going on vacation. Those vehicles often had extra carriers on the roofs of their cars or beach chairs strapped with bungee cords to their bumpers.

I decided some solo drivers were on their way to work, while others were on their way to check out a potential college choice with their son or daughter.

Some car residents were running away from home. Perhaps they just had their heart broken, or lost their job and were off to start a new adventure in a new city.

I imagined some senior drivers were off to visit their grand kids while a young couple in an old Nissan were on their honeymoon.

The possibilities for each traveler's stories were endless. What I was pleased to see was that regardless of the story, the age of the passengers, or their destination, we were all sharing the road with respect for one another.

So, whether you're on the road with other vehicles or traveling the road of life, remember, like you, your fellow travelers all have a story their living out. Give them some space to travel in peace.