Thursday, May 14, 2009

Wake Up and Smell the Lilacs

It is definitely lilac season in Wellsboro. I could have missed it, had I not awakened from my state of non-presence on my walk this morning.

It was 6:30 a.m. and after walking my husband to work, I continued my four mile trek about town. I was deep in thought, rehearsing my lines for an upcoming play this week-end, making my mental to-do list for the day, and essentially totally non-present to the beauty around me....that is until I got a beautiful whiff of lilac.

It was almost as if I was startled back to the beauty of reality by the unmistakable scent. I looked to the side of the road and there was a line up of several lilac bushes, all in full bloom. Of course, I had to stop and linger for awhile, appreciating this lovely scent of May.

Once I woke up I was then alert for the next lilac bush that would appear on my path. I wove in and out of side streets, walked the main boulevards and even through a few backyards, on my search for more lilacs.

Sometimes I fall asleep in life and can miss some lovely moments. Thankfully, there are certain things that remind me to stay awake. Lilacs are one of those things.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Make Yourself At Home

Early this morning in Yoga class, our instructor guided us to make ourselves at home in our bodies. I smiled when I heard this and thought how much more at home I feel now as compared to a few months ago.

My body has always treated me pretty well and I felt pretty comfortable most of the time. The past two years, however, brought some changes that made me feel like I moved into some other body. This was not a move up into a spacious high rise or a sprawling mansion, but rather more like a shack with a tin roof.

The move did not bring more comfort, but rather more weight, less flexibility and some new aches and pains. What added to my not feeling at home any more was the frustration of these undesired body related elements. I know many people in my age range, see these things as normal and give up no longer feeling comfortable or at home in their bodies. I resisted. I don't mind getting older, but I still wanted to feel good in this body that carries me through my days. I was exercising, eating healthy foods, and yet, my body home was needing some major renovations.

My body home improvements began in early February. I committed to take even better care of myself. I improved my diet, doubled my cardio minutes per week and added Yoga to the mix. I have lost 20 pounds and feel myself moving back to that body where I can truly feel comfortable and at home.

I often say "I am not my body", and I truly believe that. I prefer to not correlate the essence of who I am with my physical self. What is also true, however, is that this body I am in transports me to all of the wonderful physical adventures the essence of me experiences.

My body home improvements continue and when they are complete, there will be consistent maintenance to keep my dwelling as comfortable as possible.

Making myself at home in my body has added to my joy tank considerably since I have exchanged frustration with empowerment, fear with optimism and discomfort with well being.

Ahhhhhh.......home again.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother and Child

In a world where things change all the time, there are some things that will always be the same. Today, which is Mother's Day, the thing of which I am referring to is the love of mother and child. I am a child and a mother, so I know what I'm talkin' about.

This picture was taken at the adoption hearing for my son, Alan. He was eight months old and had been with us for six months. I can remember the relief of knowing that legally he was ours. Of course, he was ours the first time we held him at the age of eight weeks, but on this day it became real on paper.

It is hard to describe the power of love when you are given the gift of a child, although every mother reading this knows what I am trying to say. The really remarkable phenomena about the love of mother and child is that if relationships are maintained and are allowed to grow as both mother and child mature. Then love evolves too.

My son is no longer in my direct care. He does not depend on me or my husband to care for him, but he does know we will never cease to care about him. Alan has been living independently for quite awhile and still knows he can count on us to support him, no matter what he chooses to do in his life or where his path leads. He'll be celebrating his 28th birthday this month while completing his Army basic training.

As a child, I also know that love can grow and evolve. My Mom is 91 and now lives nearby in an assisted living facility. She's been my Mom for 56+ years and I am still learning and being inspired by her love of life and of me. She doesn't take anything too seriously and has seemingly added to her longevity and good health with her optimistic attitude. When we get together, we both know that we can count on each other, no matter what. I wanna be like her when I grow up.

Yes, this mother/child love thing we celebrate on Mothers Day is pretty sweet. Like so many things that are worth having, as long as we cherish it, maintain it and grow it, it will always be a source of joy.