Good Intention.....Gone Bad

Over the years, I have found a way to be in relationship with friends, family and even strangers, that allows for ease and comfort in communicating. . .both for myself and for anyone I may be with in the moment. My usual impact tends to be positive, so I was caught off guard when my good intention went bad.

I realize that all I could do at the time was apologize, which I did, and now I am taking the opportunity to gather up some learning from my experience to minimize the likelihood of repeating my well intentioned boo boo with some other unsuspecting person in the future.

As in most occurrences I observe in my life, there is learning that transcends a particular set of circumstances and can be applied to other areas and relationships. In this case, at least for me, I am being reminded to think before I act....or speak.

So here's my lesson... use as indicated in your life if you have ever made the same mistake:

• Even though you have expertise, knowledge, coupled with confidence, do not offer it without checking to see if the other person desires to hear what you have to say
• Do not give advice, unless asked
• Do not invade another person's personal space, even though you would be comfortable if they were in yours
• Listen and respond accordingly
• Do not assume people know your intention; they may be very vulnerable and susceptible to being offended or hurt, regardless of what you say or do
• Remember that everyone is having their own experience of life and it is always wise to assume that they are competent and able to seek help if they desire it

I am grateful for the reminders of this lesson and regret that someone else had to pay the price for my temporary lapse of memory.

As I gently forgive myself, I move on, not with fear that I may offend again, but with a gentler and deeper awareness that life is a dance. At times I may step on my partner-in-the moment's toes, yet know that if I am mindful and aware in the moment, my impact will be one of greater sensitivity and will guide me to behave in a way so that my intention will match my impact.

Letter to Kate

Dear Kate,

I greatly appreciated your recent letter and agree that communication between us becomes more and more important as the decades click by.

It seems like only yesterday when our simultaneous existence required almost no thought or planning. You always seemed to have a natural ability and inclination to take care of me. In fact, during some periods of our life together, you were quite timid to do anything that may have even remotely affected my safety. Ironically, however, as you grew older, you began to trust me more and more, and tested my abilities to move beyond what you previously believed was safe.

It is in those times that you trust me most, that I feel the most alive.

I remember that you never considered yourself to be an athlete until you began to run. It was apparently the simplicity of putting one foot in front of the other in a regular rhythm, that seemed easy enough for even a non-athlete to master, that you first actually tested me.

Your stint of canoe racing was the next step in learning how well I could function. This time, it was my upper extremities that were pushed and used to the point that muscle grew almost instantly . . . almost as fast as your confidence in me.

Little by little you introduced me to many forms of exercise, from belly dancing (which was so much more fun than those abdominal crunches) to Judo, Tae Bo and Yoga. You always paid attention to what I liked and continued those, while giving up the things that didn't seem to match me. I was particularly grateful when that step aerobics class ended.

As more years went by, your confidence in me grew. It was the skydive from

12, 000 feet, a few years ago that was the ultimate test of surrender and trust in me, although I know in my bones, it was really more about you wanting to experience trust when you and I weren't in control that inspired that activity.

The pattern I've noticed in you, Kate, is that the more you experience the possibilities that life holds, the more chances you take.

As long as you keep my health and maintenance in mind, please know I will do my best to maneuver you through all that you desire to experience.

So, it is my turn to say thank you. Being your body for all these years, or as some may put it, the garage for your soul, has been a fun ride and I look forward to safely and comfortably carrying you through many more adventures.

With love and appreciation,

Your Body

Letter to My Body

Dear Body,

Since we have had a long history of open communication and understanding, and certainly one of mutual respect, I thought it would be wise to put my observations and requests for this next stage of life in writing. From what I understand, at this point in time, relationships like ours can suffer. Communication breaks down, trust is loss and all that was once beautiful and healthy can deteriorate. I want to avoid as many issues as possible between us, so consider this letter as a means to serve us both.

First of all, I want to thank you for holding up so well over all these years. With only a few exceptions, you certainly have functioned at a very high level and with very little discomfort.

That incident with the fractured little finger on my left hand from fourth grade that healed crooked, was obviously you just showing your sense of humor. I'm grateful it has never hurt, so I have joined you in finding amusement in it's lack of perfection. It has always been a reminder that I need not look perfect to feel good.

The pain and deformities that have occurred in my feet, which I understand were due (at least in part) to many of my chosen activities and use of shoe wear are regrettable, although I am exceedingly grateful that they are still able to carry me on long treks and allow me to dance with complete abandon.

That bout of cancer a few years ago was a surprise, but I must say you rallied beautifully on that one. Yes, I know, my mindset and attitude had much to do with my recovery and lack of fear, yet kudos are well deserved for your amazing rebound.

I also appreciate the notice you gave me that it was time to take off that 25 pounds a few years ago. Looking back, I can now see, you had tried to warn me for some time that it wasn't healthy, but I didn't listen. Once your quiet reminders became more pronounced and impossible to ignore, I heeded your call and made the needed changes. I loved how quickly you responded when I took responsibility. You don't need to thank me, your daily messages of lightness and increased energy speak volumes.

Yes, I know my state of well being is partly due to my paying close attention to your messages when there is something awry, or if you are needing something specific, yet I also truly appreciate the innate genetic disposition that supports all of your cells.

With the understanding of that genetic make up, it is quite likely I will be living in you, dear body, for many years to come... so what do you say we make the most of it?

My request of you is that you stay open and willing to be challenged. I promise I will do my best to give you challenges that will serve you and make you stronger, rather than wear you down and destroy your beautiful cells.

On my part, I will stay open to your messages:

• I hear you loud and clear that you love the yoga we do together, so that will continue.
• Those monthly massages you've been getting ...you can count on those to be part of your regular routine too.
• I promise to move you often and take you for beautiful long walks.
• I will take care of your skin and will protect you with sunscreen.
• I will continue to nourish you with healthy food and at least 8 glasses of water a day.
• I will make sure you get at least 8 hours of sleep at night, plus naps when you need them.
• I hear you loud and clear on how much you enjoy those long baths, so fear not, as long as you work well enough to fold me into that deep tub, I'm there for you.

So, is it a deal? Can I count on you to be there for me in the strongest and best way possible?

In return I will do my best to listen to you. I know in order to hear you, I must be quiet and tune in since it is at those times, you give me the direction I need to serve us both.

In closing, please know that I look forward to the remainder of the time we have together. May we always move with ease and flexibility; may all of the internal organs work like tops; and may we never forget to say thank you.

With love and appreciation,

Kate

Endings

It is a bit amusing, albeit a bit sad, to think that at times we humans avoid experiencing a particular role, task, or relationship, since we fear we cannot "be with" it's eventual end. The truth is, there is an ending to everything in this human experience we call life. It is all part of the course. It is not wrong, bad or harmful for us when an ending occurs.

The old adage, "All good things come to an end", is true. The same can be said for that which we may call the bad things of life. It is all simply part of the process. As we move along our life paths, we are constantly given opportunities with which we can play and experiment and then eventually move on with our learning, as endings occur.

Every person we meet, every place we visit, every role we play, every job we take on, every movie we watch, every illness we experience, every relationship we have etc. etc., all serve a purpose.

In times of difficulty, we may learn how strong and resilient we really are. Those times may strengthen our relationships and inspire us to reach for something better.

By the same token, those lovely, enriching and exciting occurrences of our lives that we hope may never end, show up our path to help us learn to be present and appreciate them in every moment.

As every other human, I have experienced countless endings and have mostly accepted them without resistance. Although times, relationships and experiences have ended, the lessons are still with me.

I am no longer a child, although I remember how to play.

I am no longer a nurse, although I still nurture and choose to support others.

I no longer have my father, but am grateful for what he taught me.

My son grew up and left the nest to live his own life. My husband and I celebrate his independence and the man he has become.

Relationships with very close friends, ran their course and ended. I am grateful for having had them in my life while they were there.

Vacations in beautiful places, ended. The memories are still present and inspire me to travel to other idyllic locations.

I have completed working with clients that were a joy to coach. I celebrate their moving on and am grateful for being a partner in their self-discovery.

Each stage of my life so far including: babyhood, childhood, teenage years, young adulthood, and middle-age have ended. Each stage in itself had countless beginnings and endings.

What I take with me now until the final ending occurs, is gratitude. Without endings, beginnings lose their importance.

Conflicts or Peace Talks

Conflict seems to be a common issue for many of us. Perhaps this is true because we have so many relationships and situations in our lives in which they can arise.

Conflicts can occur with those closest to us, such as our family members or dear friends, with our co-workers and even with total strangers. All in all, there is room for conflict everywhere....even with ourselves.

According to the dictionary a definition of conflict is: a fight, battle or struggle, especially a prolonged struggle; strife. Whenever conflict occurs, it doesn't feel good...at least for most of us that is true. Even when we are standing on the side of what is obviously "right" or "good", when we are in battle, there is no evidence of inner peace, and therefore it is uncomfortable, to say the least.

I also contend that when we are in a state of conflict, we lose touch with our most powerful self. I'm not speaking about our ability to have power over someone else by using our sharp tongue, fists or ability to cut some one else off at the knees with a deep frown and accompanying sneer, but about our innate gifts that make us who we are.

I have a friend that who when connected to her true self, embodies peace. She cares deeply about many issues and even more so about the welfare of the human race. What I have observed in her is that when a conflict arises and she gets hooked into anger, her strength of compassion, integrity and clarity are lost. Although the points she makes in her arguments may be true, it is her desire to cut her opponent down, that interferes with her showing up fully in her 'truest' form. Rather than peacefully standing in her truth, she seeks to overpower her opponent with force. This force exhibited in conflict comes through in her voice (both tone and words) as well as in her energy and body language.

When I witness this expression of anger in her attempt to resolve conflict, I actually see her as weak and scared. When she is hooked by fear, she forgets to look for the gifts in her perceived opponent and therefore loses her ability to really listen to their point of view. Her desire to defend her point and all those people she desires to 'fight for' actually lessens the chances of a resolution that would serve them.

My sense about my friend is that perhaps the most important conflict for her that needs attention is the conflict with herself.

I believe if she trusted herself enough to stay true to who she really is, anger would not be the dominant emotion expressed when she is speaking for her cause. If she felt more secure in herself, which would allow her natural gifts of intuition, clarity and resourcefulness to come forth, it seems there would be a better chance for mutual understanding, and therefore be better able to communicate with her opponent in a way they can hear.

With the exception of the daily conflicts and arguments and put-downs we have with ourselves, it takes a minimum of two to have a conflict. If one person chooses not to attack, but truly listen and then calmly speak in return, there would probably be fewer and shorter wars and more peace talks.

Hope

It's snowing.... again. Many of my fellow northerners and I believe we have had more than our fair share of snow and have been enjoying the recent melting process as the temperature rose into the 50s. Once again, our dreams of Spring were interrupted by more snow.

As I look out the window and watch this fresh snowfall blanket the ground, I am reminded of the power of hope. You know, that wonderful feeling and belief that all is well, or will soon be well, even when it doesn't look that way. Hope is sometimes our last resort for maintaining sanity when our world, or at least our weather, is not cooperating with our plans.

Yesterday afternoon, my husband returned home after walking our dog, with a tiny flower between his thumb and forefinger. He plucked it from our neighbor's stone wall where daffodils and narcissus will soon be growing in full force.

When he handed the teeny flower to me, it was more beautiful in the moment than a bouquet of roses. This little white bud was a symbol of hope.

Being able to remember that whatever inconvenience, discomfort, lack or hindrance that may be present will eventually subside is supported by hope. Change is always happening. Sometimes change brings something we don't want, and some of the time it ushers in that which we're longing for.

At the end of winter, many of us are hoping for consistently warmer weather, hearing birds sing every morning, tulips and crocuses, long walks without mittens on our hands or ice underfoot, and a feeling of freedom that is a by-product of being in the fresh air.

Some people are hoping for better health or more money. Others may be hoping for a new job or a better place to live or an addition to their family.

Whatever it is that activates our hopefulness, it only feels good when we are believing it will actually come to fruition. If we are focusing more on what we don't want or what may interfere with our hopes, we will not feel the well being that hope provides.

Paying attention to where we are putting our attention is key. Hope feels light, complaining does not.

Although all that I hope for is not yet present, I am enjoying the feeling of lightness that is within me now, even though snow continues to fall.

The Bottomless Well

I think it would be fairly accurate to assume that like me, most of my fellow humans dream of what they want. We may not want the same things, but it does seem to be part of our innate wiring to "want".

Aside from our specific wants, where I think many of us differ is our level of expectancy to receive what we want. Many of my fellow wanters don't think they are deserving. Many worry about the cost, if their wants require payment of some sort. Some of my fellow humans plot and plan how to make their wants become a reality, causing themselves fear and stress in the process.

It all seems so complicated if one believes there is a formula of some sort to follow in receiving what you desire. My preference is to imagine that which I want as if it is here. When I simply close my eyes, I can see it, and even more importantly....I can feel what it would be like to have it.

I like to imagine a well of wellbeing. In this imaginary well in my mind, all that I want bubbles out when the time is right. I trust that the well never runs dry. I trust that my wants are being created as the well happily bubbles away. I don't sit and keep an eye on the well as I look at my watch, thinking "This want should be ready by now".

Impatience is avoided as I enjoy all other things that come from the well of well being. I have discovered that as long as I am in a state of appreciation and gratitude of all that bubbles forth, I am feeling the well being I desire. The specific things I long for are actually secondary to the feeling of well being, which can be present when I simply enjoy what is bubbling up at any moment.

Over the years as I have practiced sitting alongside the well of well being, my wants have become few regarding material things, but rich in the intangible. I know that what I truly desire is to feel unconditional peace and joy, and that is always there for me, as long as I allow it to be.

The well has no bottom. There is no end to the feelings of well being, regardless of what our physical experience of life may be like. Perhaps we all just need to get clear about what we really want most.