The Joy of Being Sixty

                                                        Princess of Joyful Leadership

Today is my 60th birthday and I must say it has been painless. . . in fact, contrary to a general social consensus that joy is only for the young, the start of my seventh decade of life has been a fun ride so far and I fully intend to allow that to continue. 

Those that know me well, will not be surprised. I get teased regularly about my positive outlook on life, even when things look grim. Sometimes, I am accused of burying my head in the sand, since to my accusers, it seems impossible to be joyful when there are so many things occurring in today's world that should make me angry and fearful. 

Some believe I never feel sad, scared or anxious. None of those things are true either. I do. I just don't linger there longer than I need to. I meet my feelings (whatever they are) with curiosity and take a close look at the fears that lurk under any negative feelings. Once I look, I am reminded that I can meet whatever shows up. There is nothing that has occurred in my life thus far that I have not survived. That little nugget is true for all of us. We are still here, so we survived. The road we traveled to this present point in time can be filled with drama, resistance, blame and anger, or it can be lined with love, appreciation, acceptance and compassion. I generally spend most of my time on the latter road. It feels better to travel there and I am actually in better shape to effectively meet whatever challenge or obstacle that shows up when I don't get hooked by the negative elements surrounding it. 

This momentous, decade changing birthday is an opportunity to renew the commitment to myself to enjoy every day, unconditionally. The unconditional part can be a sticky point, but it is imperative in living a joyful life, remembering that peace is the flip side of the joy coin, and finding peace with whatever shows up is a must. 

Who knows how many hours, days or years are left for any of us? I, for one, am not willing to waste any time on living any of it on complaining, hating, resisting, judging or lamenting any difficulties that come my way. I have dabbled in those experiences in earlier decades and have not found them to be effective in making anything better, and they certainly don't create joy. 

The commitment I make to myself on this momentous day is to be grateful for every day, to express love rather than disappointment, to enjoy what is, rather than complain about what isn't, to stand for the good I believe in, rather than hate the bad that threatens it. 

So, I say bring it on, Sixth Decade....I'm ready! You will not change my mind since it is my thoughts that are the only things over which I have control. 

Constitutional Conversations

As I listened to the NPR news this morning, the headline story was about the Supreme Court beginning it's arguments on the sweeping health care law. Although I have strong opinions about health care, what really caught my attention was the word arguments.  


When I hear the word argument, I picture two or more people, red-faced with pumping fists, speaking with loud voices, attempting to prove their point and not listening to the others. 


It seems to me that if the Supreme court Justices were expected to have a Constitutional conversation where they can listen, share and eventually collaborate, would make it much more likely that the best and just decision could be made. 


Arguing humans are not usually at their best. When we argue, we're afraid of being misunderstood, overlooked, misused or abused. The key emotion that can be present  here is fear. When we are afraid, we are defensive and sometimes even feel the need to attack. Our words and actions don't always make sense, but that doesn't matter if our need to be right is what we're fighting for. When we argue our need to win or be right seems to outshine the need to be fair or just.


On the other hand, when a conversation is taking place, all parties are more likely to not be in a defensive mode. Openness to hearing all of the facts, being fair, respectful and collaborative are qualities that can be seen when one is not in the state of fear that arguments can create. 


The bottom line on this topic is that it seems our government and society is set up to argue, debate and fight to get it's way. The side with the largest number of supporters wins. 


Unfortunately, as this mode of fearful exchanges continue within our society (including our elected officials), we miss the opportunity to really understand what our opponents are saying or to be truly heard ourselves. 


The end result of most arguments is that no one wins. 

The Attitude Closet

In the gap of time between slumber and becoming fully conscious this morning, a picture floated through my mind. It was of a closet that contained attitudes. I pictured myself opening a door, and seeing attitudes in the form of cloaks hanging on hangers. Since my day was about to begin, it was time to choose an attitude I would want to wear for the next sixteen hours or so.


The choices for attitudes included, optimism, fear, joy, revenge, gratitude, and love. 


With the zeal of an energetic shopper looking for the best deal, my first choice to try on was optimism. It felt good to be wrapped in optimism. I felt safe and hopeful, believing good things would be happening to me if I chose it. 


The cloak of fear was intriguing, so I reached out to feel the fabric. It was sticky, much like tar, which gave me concern that I might not be able to get it off if I tried it on. Thankfully, I had a choice, so I continued to shop for an attitude that would be comfortable to wear all day.


The attitude of joy sparkled, making it very appealing. It seemed to have a life of it's own since it swayed on the hanger. When I tried on the cloak of joy, I automatically began to dance. The longer I wore it, the more joy I felt. Reluctantly, I put it back to try something else.


Next, I tried on revenge, mainly because it intrigued me. There was a mystique about it, as if it was promising something sweet. On closer inspection, this was a dark cloak that felt prickly, like steel wool without a lining. It was also extra large so it wrapped around my body twice, keeping my arms trapped underneath. My mobility was limited. I couldn't wait to take it off. It was obvious that revenge restricted me from freedom and wasn't comfortable to wear. Since I prefer to be comfortable and to feel good, I continued my search.


My next choice was the attitude of loving. This one felt weightless. As I looked closely, I could see this version was lined with joy and had pockets made of gratitude. I was able to move easily, without tripping over it as I glided along the floor of my mind. I felt free and at my best. It was a good fit for me. 


There was no need to search any further. I chose the attitude of love and must say it fits me well. So far, it has been a lovely day wearing love. 


What attitude have you chosen? How does it feel? If it isn't comfortable, you may want to take it back. I understand the Closet of Attitude will take returns and does exchanges with no questions asked. 

It's A Wonderful Life if I Believe It Is

Christmas day 2011 is closing in on the finish line and has certainly been a full day. After a lovely time of celebration with friends and family, my husband and I watched the classic movie "It's a Wonderful Life" and it has stirred up some inspiration for me. 

I imagine most readers of this post have seen the movie many times, but for those that have not, here's the gist: The story is about a talented and likable young man, George Bailey, that due to various circumstances, let go of his dreams to go to college and then travel the world building sky scrapers and doing other exciting things, to manage the family business in his small town. After years of hard work, he found himself in a desperate financial situation that caused him to consider taking his own life. Thankfully, his guardian angel, who just so happened to be in need of earning his wings, showed up on the scene and gave him the opportunity to see what his community and those he loved would be like if he had never been born. As you can imagine, it was an eye opener for him, showing clearly that he truly had a wonderful life even though his original dreams were not realized. 

I imagine this movie became a classic since it speaks to the viewer's heart. We all want to have a wonderful life and sometimes our plans to do so don't work out, which can trick us into thinking we failed. As I thought about the situation George faced in the movie, I saw a man that had many gifts to share and even though his original plan did not work out, he definitely had a very powerful impact on countless people and had much to appreciate.  

We may never know the totality of our impact, yet I strongly believe that each of us have touched someone, somewhere in some way and if we had never been born, our presence on earth would surely be missed. 

So how do you have a wonderful life when your experience of life is not going like you hoped or planned? Do you have to change someone else's life for the better in order to have a wonderful life? Do you have to create or stimulate phenomenal things to have a wonderful life? For me, the answers come from a simple belief, and that is life is wonderful if we believe it is. 

The message I get from this film is that we all have access to living a wonderful life. The way to see and feel the wonderful-ness is by being aware, open and grateful for all of the simple little things we take for granted and to be open to shifting gears when things don't go as planned. 

It is by being engaged fully in our relationships with those people that we see and talk to everyday as well as the strangers we meet. It is about accepting "what is" when change is not possible and stimulating change when it is. A wonderful life comes when we appreciate more than we complain and by pausing long enough to know when we are doing either. 

Life feels wonderful when we cease to beat ourselves up for our missed opportunities, dreams and goals and when we can trade in our fear of failure for a hunger to live as fully as possible.

I believe this formula is one anyone can follow. It's simple and non-discrimnatory. Live from your heart, meaning make choices that simply feel "right" for you in the moment. Be kind to yourself and to others as you travel your path. Don't look over your shoulder or far into the future, but be present in the current moment, since that is all that really exists. 

Although I don't anticipate a visit from my guardian angel who will give me the experience of seeing what the world would be like if I did not exist, I believe I am on the right track... not because of huge accomplishments, but because I am thoroughly enjoying the process of life. It simply feels "right" and in my movie of life feeling "right" means wonderful. 

Your Secret Weapon. . .Use it Wisely

We each have a secret weapon and I urge you to use yours wisely. 


The weapon? It is your impact. You are always having an impact. . . all of the time, without exception. It may create a positive or negative response in any given moment, but your power to have an impact is always present.


When we interact with others, even if we don't speak, we are having an impact. If we pass someone on the street, we have an impact. When we answer the telephone, we have an impact. When we ride public transportation or go to a movie, or walk our dogs, we are having an impact.


The opportunity list for impact can go on and on, but I think you get the picture. As human beings, sharing this planet and all of it's resources, our individual impact can have an effect on our fellow humans, animals and even our environment. Being wise about how we use our impact could make for a more pleasant experience of life for yourself and others. Being aware of impact can also protect you from adverse reactions from others. 


Since wherever we go, whatever we do, we are having an impact, it makes sense to be aware of the power we each wield. In light of that fact, it seems like a noteworthy phenomena to hold in our awareness. 


Sometimes our impact may be intentional, such as smiling at someone or saying hello. In that case, we intended to be friendly, which would be an intended positive impact. Other times our impact may be unintentional such as when we are deep in thought and don't acknowledge a greeting from someone else. At times like this, we might think we're invisible and our frown belongs to us and has no impact on anyone else, but it does. 


We may also choose to have a negative impact, which would fall into the intentional category. An example of an intended negative impact may be yelling an obscenity at a fellow driver that just cut you off. 


As I observe and interact with many people every day, I frequently notice impact and find that most often, the negative impact many people have goes unnoticed by the person responsible for creating it. 


A recent example was noted on facebook. As I scrolled through posts on my page, I came across one that was in stark contrast to most of the postings I typically see from my friends, which are usually intended to be positive. This one was obviously written in anger and contained profanity laced throughout a ranting complaint about an unnamed individual. The purpose of the post was puzzling to me since the person about whom the complaint was made was not on the receiving end, but innocent readers as myself were being hit with it. I am quite sure, the author did not intend to offend me or others, thus this post fell into the unintended impact category. 


Since unintended impact can be a common experience in our human experience, I urge you to be aware of what you intend, and then act accordingly. Do you really want to offend, insult or ignore those you care about, or even the stranger you are sitting next to on a flight across the country? How does it feel when you become aware of your impact? What is the impact you want to have in your everyday life? 


If you are on the receiving end of an intended or unintended negative impact, I urge you to look beyond the words, actions or email and be curious what may have been present in the person that created the impact. When we can look a bit more deeply, what we will usually find is someone that is afraid and feeling vulnerable. When I see vulnerability in another person, I can find compassion and when that happens I am no longer offended by the negative impact my counterpart created. 


I believe we are all doing our best with what is on our plate of life at the present time. Unfortunately, sometimes we forget that we are all connected. Our pain or our joy is not a private experience. It leaks. It leaks out and affects others. 


So I encourage you to be aware of your impact. When you are feeling off balance, angry or upset, be extra aware that your negative feelings may be leaking and affecting others. 


If it is your intent to create a positive impact most of the time, I encourage you to take excellent care of yourself since when you feel good, you are most likely going to be having an impact that is of equal value. 


Bottom line...stay awake....clean up the messes your negative impact may have caused and remember those that affected you in a negative way may not have even known they even fired their weapon.

Watch Yourself

When I am especially tuned in and present, I sometimes notice the still small voice within me, say "Watch yourself".  I don't take this as a cautionary warning that I may be harmed or may harm someone or something else, but accept the message as words of encouragement to stay awake and find things to appreciate. 


In the years since I have made it my intention to live my life in a state of awareness, I have come to learn that the more in-tune I am to what my thoughts are, the more control I have in steering myself in a direction of thought that feels good. 


Many people will argue that last statement, defending that their status of happiness is not fully in their control. Believing you are a helpless victim of life is not likely to be pleasant. 


My suggestion to those that find themselves drowning in a sea of scary thoughts, is to look at one thought at a time. Be curious about it. . . where did it come from? Are you focusing on beliefs that others have taught you? Are you replaying news clips from Fox news? Is it simply easier to think the same frightening thoughts since that is what you've always done?


The good news is once you are committed to watching yourself, you may be surprised to find you do indeed have control over what you think. Remembering you are the creator of your thoughts and therefore your experience of life (no matter what is happening around you) is a gift we each have every day. 


So watch yourself and see how it feels. 

Like it or Not....It's Fall

Every year once the weather begins to cool, I notice many of my friends and acquaintances begin to complain about the disappearance of summer and lament the beginning of Fall. I don't think they really dislike Fall, it's just that they equate Fall with winter coming fast behind. 


For many years, I would quietly enjoy the break of the heat and humidity and feel myself become more alive as the temperature drops, afraid to voice my preference since the summer lovers might be offended. 


These summer lover friends (you know who you are) need more than the average dose of sunshine. They don't seem to mind sweating or sleeping without a fluffy comforter on their bed. These friends of mine prefer sandals over socks and loafers, prefer shorts to corduroy and don't like their arms or necks covered. In addition, they prefer cold drinks to warm, choose to grill chicken on charcoal over making chicken soup, and dream about sitting ocean side in the relentless beating sun rather than wearing a soft cotton turtle neck and jeans while kicking dry leaves on the forest trails. 


The perfect day in my book of life consists of a temperature in the high fifties or low sixties, sunny skies, fluffy clouds. crisp feel in the air, leaves turning colors  and the smell of apples. I love it when it's cool to cold outside, while warm inside. I love having the fireplace burn as I read a great book, tucked under a fleece blanket and a cup of green tea within arms reach. I love sleeping without need of a fan blowing directly on me. I love having the energy to walk an extra two miles rather than being hot and melting after a humid trek requiring hydration every half mile. 


To me, Fall means homey time. It's nest making time. It's soup simmering and cookie baking time. I'm most creative when the weather gets cooler. I enjoy hugging more when it's cool (for many reasons I won't go into here). 


Although every year at this time, I find myself keeping my desires and loves to myself so as not to offend or seem uncaring when my summer-loving friends are suffering, this year, I am speaking out. Yes, I am openly claiming my love for Fall. I don't fear winter. It's coming  whether I want it to or not. I will not let my dislike for driving on icy, snowy roads intercept my joy and enjoyment of Fall. 


I am not afraid to be heard and counted as I boldly stand in a state of complete enjoyment of all that is cool, crisp and rust colored. Perhaps it is simply accepting and fully enjoying what is, or maybe it's because I have a birthday and anniversary this month. Whatever the reasons, I will no longer just smile and nod with an appearance of being understanding as I hear summer lovers complain. I will smile and maybe even laugh as I enjoy what is now.