The Death Threat That Didn't Work

Last week I received a death threat via email. The message informed me that a friend has paid a large sum of money to have me killed. The purpose of the note was to give me a chance to save my life by (you guessed it) paying $5000 for the information about my upcoming murder. This was my first death threat (at least in writing) and has provided a great deal of fun within a circle of my friends as predictions are made about the how and the when. I'm sure the purpose was to scare the bejeebers out of me, but my bejeebers are all intact.

According to my note, I have another seven days to live.

Over the past week I have thought about how I would be if there was a real death threat on my screen of life. What would I do? I suppose, I could never really know, but my sense is that I would not change the way I was living, even if I knew someone or something (like an illness or accident) was going to soon end my living existence in this body.

I would not choose to live in fear, looking over my shoulder at every turn for the assassin, accident or illness that was threatening to take me out. I would live my life in the best way I know. I would want to cultivate joy in all that I do..... to connect with love with all that I see. I would want to be fearless in my quest for life's experiences and to squeeze every drop out of the time I had. I would laugh a lot, eat great food and enjoy my friends and family every moment I had. I'd be grateful for every gift in every day. I would allow myself to feel and express emotions and go from laughter to tears and back to laughter without explanation or apology. I would forgive all those that no longer cared about me. I would hug everyone that would accept it. I'd treat myself to massages, yoga, wonderful books, and lovely wines in pretty stemmed glasses. I'd push my body to be stronger, even when I was tired and weak. I'd constantly create new ideas and then turn them into realities. My mind and spirit would be curious and playful even when my body no longer worked.

The bottom line is, I would not want the threat of death to keep me from living life while I waited for it to end.

Perhaps if we all see death as a fact and not as a threat looming over our shoulder, we'd all be happier living each moment in the time we have. I know I will.

Lesson in the Dust

Earlier today I was on a six mile hike on a dusty, dirt road that serves up some breathtaking views around every turn. I love this trek since I can walk for miles without running into another human being. I see lots of birds and wildlife going about their business, but rarely even see a car go by.

This morning, my peaceful connection with nature was unexpectedly interrupted. As I was taking in the view at the top of a hill, a small red pick up truck raced by me. I was startled by the speed of the vehicle on a road such as this. The driver was apparently unaware that his speed left a tornado of dust behind affecting a lone walker.

As he buzzed down the hill, I thought about all the times that I am also unaware of what disturbance or discomfort I am unintentionally creating for someone else. Either because I am in a hurry, distracted, stressed, scared or just not present, I can also leave someone in the dust. I know the red pick-up driver and I are not alone. Many of us, much of the time, are so tuned into ourselves, we lose our sense of awareness of others. We don't intend to have a negative impact, but it can easily happen.

As I dusted myself off and continued on my way, a few minutes later, I spotted another vehicle coming towards me. This driver pulled off the side of the road apparently waiting for me to pass. At first I wondered why, but then realized, he was not wanting to leave me in the dust. A moment later another vehicle came along and offered the same courtesy.

My experience with the second and third drivers was far different than the first. It felt good to have been seen and thought about in a positive way.

After a brief hello and an offering of gratitude to these drivers, I once again continued on my way reminded that the more I stay present, the better I can be aware of how to avoid kicking up dust for others on my path.

The Dream Evolution

For many years I have had a recurrent dream. The main theme has been constant, although the general feel of it and the outcome has gradually evolved. Last night, this dream evolved, once again.

The setting for this dream is a school. I could never really tell what kind of school, but it definitely was a place of higher education.

When I was a young girl, this dream, which was actually more of a nightmare, was very unsettling. The bell would ring and I wandered the halls, not knowing where to go. I feared I would get in trouble for missing class and that I would fall behind in my lessons. Everyone else was very busy and intent on making it to their own classes and refused to help me, so I felt alone and lost. This theme recurred for many years.

Approximately ten years ago, the feel of the dream changed. The bell would ring and I still did not know where my classroom was, although I was no longer afraid. I felt perfectly calm as I walked around the myriad of hallways, without attachment to ever finding my classroom. At this stage the dream evolved from nightmare status to just a dream.

Last night, this dream evolved once again. The bell rang and although I didn't know right where to go, I found my classroom quickly and easily. I'm not sure how I knew, I just did. It was almost as if I tuned into my personal GPS system and found my way without hesitation.

So, what does this all mean? Although I am not a dream interpretation expert it seems this dream's evolution matches my experience of learning in the school of life.

When I was a young woman, I was very much afraid of missing out, being late and getting into trouble. This perspective was limiting, created self doubt, inner turmoil and was not very fulfilling. As I matured emotionally and spiritually, the next phase of the dream when I was okay with being lost, paralleled an acceptance of being where I was. I was no longer in fear of what others thought or would say and I had no fear of falling behind in my studies. I also did not rely on someone else to take me to my classroom, or to save me.

I celebrate the latest version of my dream since I believe it is a signal that I am finally learning that my direction in life is within me, not outside me. There is nothing to fear, I am never really lost, and I always know wherever I go, whatever choices I make, I will learn. The greatest lesson for me is to trust. When I simply tune into my inner guidance, I will find my way.

My sense is that this dream theme is not complete since the learning in life is never done. Stay tuned for the next stage of this dream's evolution.

The Big Bang

Yesterday, while enjoying my peaceful morning routine, I was startled by a big bang. I suppose I could actually call it an explosion. At any rate, it woke me up, and I realized how I sometimes sleep, even when my eyes are open.

The explosion involved an egg and my microwave. A favorite breakfast of mine is a poached egg, which typically takes 45 seconds to cook and then served on a multi-grain English muffin. Simple, quick and delicious.

Somehow, my peaceful and predictable routine went off course. I don't know if I miss-timed the microwave, or if my egg was smaller than usual, but something did not go as planned. The loud bang of the egg blowing apart and sticking to all sides of the microwave made me wonder what warnings I missed. When I am awake and present, I typically hear a subtle sound that indicates the egg is done and to stop the cooking. I missed it and am not sure where my mind was when I was missing it.

In my typical fashion, I looked at the Big Bang incident as a sign for living my life in a better way. These are the lessons I have made up from the experience:

• I am always better off if I stay present...tuned in and noticing what is going on around me. This lesson, of course, does not apply when meditating. At that time, I go inside and tune out all that surrounds me. (I never cook eggs while meditating).

• Sometimes I need a "shake up". I can fall into routines of what I do and how I think. My kitchen explosion reminded me to mix up my experiences and to do so with intention and a certain level of wakefulness and presence.

• Clean up all messes that occur in your life as soon as possible (these messes include relationships). When left unattended, most messes (like egg) will harden requiring more time, sweat and tears (literally) to get things looking and feeling good again.

I'm grateful for my learning and vow to be more present more of the time. I also intend to have a smoothie for breakfast occasionally....no risk of explosions.

BeLoved

A friend gave me the gift of this shirt seen in the photo several years ago. She knew me well at the time and knew I would love it. She was right. I have worn the shirt too many times to count. Each time I wear it, I feel it's meaning, which is actually a double meaning.

Sometimes I see that the message says "Be loved", which can be the perfect reminder that I must allow myself to "be loved", or in other words keep the door open to my heart, so I can feel love. What is necessary to feel love is to know that I am lovable beyond conditions. Whether I have made any recent errors in judgment, caused any problems, or just didn't do enough in that particular day, I am lovable. I love feeling lovable, by the way....it brings out the best in me.

Sometimes I see that the message says "Beloved" and that is a beautiful reminder for me to focus on sending love. Looking at those around me as Beloved Ones creates a softness..... a peacefulness inside me that feels right and natural. Aren't we all Beloved souls? Must we judge ourselves as being lovable or not?

It makes me wonder what the world would be like if we all wore Be loved shirts every day. Maybe we all just need a reminder of how much we're loved and if we knew that, how much more we would love others (without condition, of course).

The State of Wait

I had an epiphany early this morning when I was feeling a bit "off " from my usual state of being in a happy groove. I realized it was because I was waiting for something to happen. What I have been waiting for doesn't really matter since waiting in general (at least for me) never carries any joy with it.

When I am in a State of Wait, it's almost as if my joy and wellbeing are on hold waiting for something to happen. I don't know about you, but if there's another way to live, rather than being in a State of Wait, sign me up.

As I continued to ponder this question, I came up with a few alternatives to the State of Wait. The states of faith, trust, positive expectancy and pure unadulterated focused desire without attachment seem like great substitutions.

Perhaps the biggest negative hook associated with waiting is attachment to an occurrence happening just as I have imagined. Sometimes I wait for other people to do what needs to be done, so I can have my way and once again be happy. Handing over my sense of wellbeing to someone else is always risky. Whatever I'm waiting for may not be as important to them as it is to me. Maybe they don't even know I'm waiting.

So, my little epiphany has healed my recent focus of waiting. Now, I choose to be open, trusting, believing and expecting that everything will work out perfectly, even if I don't know what perfect really is.

Socks Without Partners

For some time now, I have experienced a struggle in a compartment of my life....my sock drawer. I have recently been pondering this issue in hopes of understanding how I may be contributing to the problem and how I could perhaps solve it.

The issue on my mind is regarding missing socks....especially black socks. What in the past was only an occasional issue has become a growing and increasing aggravation. You see, each time I do laundry I lose at least one sock. When this first occurred, I was hopeful although not optimistic, the missing sock would return to its mate. As the winter months have passed, however, and the number of socks without partners increases, my hopefulness has faded.

I really love socks and often would invest in designer brands that have a bit of style. In light of the MIA status of my socks, I now pick up plain and inexpensive brands that lack any style. With this prevailing issue and its worsening nature, I am sometimes caused to put two mismatched socks together in a temporary partnership. Hopefully, no one notices.

So, what can I do about this aggravating issue? In my usual way of taking whatever is happening in my life and making a metaphor out of it to look at a bigger picture, I realize that when I expect something to go wrong, it does. When I purchase cheap socks because I know one will be missing next week, it happens.

By the same token, if I am in a state of positive expectancy that things will work out in my favor, they do. Call it faith, trust, intention or the powers of attraction, it works....every time.

I am reminded to be careful where I am putting my focus, for whatever is focused upon, expands. I believe, without question, I am at the root of my sock drawer filled with singles, and I know I can change the tide.

Perhaps the quickly approaching sandal season will give me the chance to clean up my focus, so I can start fresh at the beginning of the next sock season. For now, my socks without partners will have to find a new mate.