Ease and Grace

At the beginning of each year, I create a motto that I intend to live by in the coming year. This motto is meant to inspire me to live the life I want. It is meant to remind me of what is most important, if I happen to get distracted and forget. It is meant to keep me on a positive track, rather than get derailed and implode into a trillion tiny pieces of stress, fear and angst.

The motto for 2011 is Ease and Grace. Just typing those words make me feel good.

Here's what this motto means to me:

Ease means easy. I love easy. I do my best work and have the best impact on others when it feels easy. I am the most creative and don't judge myself when I am in state of ease. Ease means natural.

I know for many people, natural means to be stressed and that life has to be hard, but I don't buy it. I believe we were all meant to be in the flow of life (regardless of circumstances) and experiencing joy and peace is natural, and even intended, as we navigate through our experiences.

The second component of my motto is Grace. Grace makes me smile too. I named my Porsche Boxter Grace because I felt her taking the curves of the road with complete grace and without any tension or fear the first time I took her out for a ride. My car trusts what makes her great and does not hold back.

Grace also signifies flow to me and a natural way of being. It also feels holy. The word reminds me I am not here having this human experience all by myself. I am being watched over, cared for and loved by God. When I am believing that, and am actually feeling the peace of that understanding, I feel grace.

So, the combination of Ease and Grace is a sure winner to assist me as I ride into the coming year.

I will be reminded not to resist, but to accept. I will be reminded to love, rather than hate. I will remember that love will over-ride fear. I will know that forgiveness will feel better than holding grudges or resentments. Ease and grace will also allow me to be understanding and compassionate, since those elements are a match and feel the same way.

My motto is not about making resolutions, but all about making intentions on how I want to be in the coming year. I intend to be and feel Ease and Grace.

What is your intention for 2011?

Flipping Through the Pages

It has become a tradition for me the last few years to flip back through the pages of my appointment calendar on New Year's Eve and reflect on the happenings of the previous year.

After having just completed my flipping process, I am once again amazed how fast the months of 2010 have seemed to fly. Of course, I know clock time does not change, it is just our perception of it, but it does seem to have been a fast moving and very full year.

My reflections span the many categories of life, including events involving family, friends, my work and of course the unexpected.

There have been new adventures, some repeated experiences, some new professional triumphs, challenging medical and surgical experiences and some sad good-byes to friends that have left this world.

I received good news and sad news. I have experienced serendipitous, joy filled surprises and unexpected tragedies.

I have traveled to many places, meeting many new people whom I now consider to be friends.

My son was injured in Afghanistan and treated for numerous traumas, but survived, married and became a father to an 11 year old boy, making me a grandmother.

I have supported others through the pages of their lives as they dealt with challenges like failed marriages, cancer, depression and failing businesses.

I have done work that I love and have been challenged to continue to learn and grow, being reminded I will never be done.

I have been inspired by the kids I work with and touched by their willingness to be open with me and their desire to live great lives.

I have been called forth to play even bigger and to imagine doing things and visiting places that I once have only read or heard stories about.

I have laughed myself silly, cried unexpectedly, and calmly met events that at another time in life would have caused me to scream.

I have read many books, filled many pages in my journals and wrote many blog posts.

I have hugged and been hugged countless times, meditated daily and have said thank you often, both silently and loudly .

I have been touched to the core as I have listened to other's stories, dreams and fears.

I have had many massages and pedicures, napped a lot, danced a lot, walked a lot, loved a lot, forgave a lot and downward facing dogged a lot.

I have worn my many hats as a wife, Mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, business partner, mentor, trainer and coach with enthusiasm and joy.

Yep, I can say with complete confidence, 2010 has been a wonderful and full year and trust that every experience will help me face all that is coming in 2011.

My Best Friend

I have been developing a relationship with a new friend for several years now and am truly enjoying our time together. I am growing and learning every moment we connect and am noticing a greater confidence in myself as a result of this friendship.

My friend does not judge me by my mistakes or my successes. Their opinion of me is not affected by how I look, my mood, how much money I made last year or by the thoughts and beliefs others may hold of me.

My friend encourages me to keep on going when I am frustrated or feeling defeated, and to rest when I am simply too tired to do one more thing.

My friend is a great companion since they are fun to be with, a great listener, and extremely amusing, which always brings out the best in me.

My friend makes me laugh and helps me to not take life so seriously.

My friend understands everything about me.....they know my life story and they don't read more into it than what is actually there. They are not interested in the drama....just the truth.

My friend encourages me to do my best, but understands when I don't. I am always encouraged to simply try again.

My friend calls me on my stuff when I'm making excuses or just plain scared, but never insults me or puts me down. I know they are simply calling me forth to live the way I say I want to.

My friend comforts me or gives me a kick in the pants, depending on what I need, and always knows what is truly needed based on the truth of the moment, not a projection of their ego.

My friend inspires me by interacting with me with love, compassion, understanding and most of all, forgiveness. I trust that they will never abandon me or treat me with dis-respect.

My friend loves me, unconditionally and I will never ever doubt it. In fact, it is the how and the why I choose this life I am living.

I know without my friend's loving kindness, life would be harder, more frightening and certainly not as much fun.

This friend will be a life-long companion since my friend is me.

Attention Humanity: Sprit of the Season Will Be Continued

Imagine humanity was given notice that the spirit of Christmas will continue past January 1st. imagine what it would be like if our heightened practice of praising Jesus, showing goodwill toward men (and women), generously sharing our wealth with charities, visiting our neighbors with plates of cookies, singing songs of joy, giving gifts to show our appreciation of those we love, speaking to strangers in that merry way that people do this time of year, and basically living our days in a Ho Ho Ho sort of way, could last all year long.

Well, I imagine this quite often and I think it's possible...that is if each one of us remained conscious of living with joy and were willing to love our neighbors indefinitely. The impact would be infectious....just like it is between Thanksgiving and January 1st. If we all agree to practice being kind, respectful, generous, caring, thoughtful, patient, compassionate and forgiving, we can extend this season that feels so good for so many, all year long.

Once we all got the hang of it, I bet we would see a happier world overall. There would be fewer divorces and an increase in number of happy, secure children. Businesses would improve in sales, reinforcing the economy. Politicians would become more focused on doing what's best for the people, rather than their own careers. We'd be taking better care of the planet because more people would sincerely care about their impact. People would listen to one another rather than demanding to be heard. If we maintained the intention of goodwill, eventually wars would end.

Perhaps you think my musing is silly and that it is not compatible with human nature. Isn't it true that when we are stressed, rude, demanding or uncaring we are actually behaving in a way that is incompatible with how we were intended to be?

If my offer to continue in the spirit of the season by living with love and joy all year round appeals to you, feel free to join me. This idea might just spread.....pass it on.

40 Years...Some Things Never Change

I recently attended my 40th high school reunion. I've attended several earlier reunions and have always had a great time, but this one stood out for me. Maybe it's because 40 seems like such a big number, signifying that I would see huge changes in all of my old friends. Maybe it's due to a belief I held while still in high school that celebrating 40 years of anything, meant you were ancient, and I don't feel like that now that I'm here.

Whatever the beliefs I had leading up to this celebration, I was very happy I attended.

This reunion was an informal gathering, which seemed to allow more room for visiting, reminiscing and lots and lots of laughter.

As I reconnected with each of my fellow 40-year grads, I experienced a sort of surreal feeling...it felt kind of like being caught in a time warp between 1970 and the present day. What I discovered was that even though we have each lived a lot of life since high school, there was a familiar sameness to each person with whom I connected.

It didn't matter what our stories were or how many marriages we've had, what illnesses we have survived, how many children we've parented, where we've lived, what we do for a living or what our plans are for the future. We were all together again as if no time had passed.

Perhaps the greatest difference was that we were now each secure in who we are and did not feel a need to impress or fit in with the crowd. For five hours or so, the clock turned back and I, once again, was connecting with people with whom I had shared a very special time in my life.

At one point in the evening, I sat back and looked around and noticed that each person emitted the same kind of feeling or energy they did in 1970. Mannerisms, facial expressions, the way they laughed and even hugged, was the same. Sure, there was grey hair, different body shapes and facial contours, but the essence of who every one "is" felt the same.

The gift I take away from this experience is the knowing that although we may all be older (obviously), wiser (hopefully) and well-lived (surely), we are still made of the same stuff that was present back in the day when we were first launching into our grown-up lives, not knowing what was going to happen next.

In fact, here we are again, launching into the next stage of life, still not knowing what may be coming next.

Whatever it is, I bet at any point that we reconnect in the future, I will still feel the same "essence" of each of my classmates.

A Spirit's Quest

I had lunch with a friend today that will be setting off in two weeks on a spirit quest of sorts. He told me he doesn’t know why he’s going, or where he will go, or even what he will do when he gets there. He just knows in his heart that he is being called to travel around the United States (especially in the warmer southern climates), and be of service along the way.

There have been lots of things to do in preparing for this journey, such as selling his house and belongings, acquiring and learning how to operate a travel trailer, and saying good-by to friends and family before setting off on his adventure. He is trimming his belongings to a minimum, taking only what is necessary.

As my friend told his story which led him to this day, I felt his joyful anticipation, his sureness that he is following his purpose and the fear of taking off into the unknown without a plan. It felt like I was a witness to a conversation between his spirit, who was confidently charting his course, and his ego self, that continued to bring up points why this is a crazy idea. It was clear, his spirit has the most influence on his decisions.

As my spirit tuned into his energy the resulting enthusiasm was contagious. Sitting across the table, seeing the no-kidding sureness in his eyes, I noticed my own excitement about living an adventuresome life. Although our spirit’s quests are not the same, that feeling of joy we have when we trust our true self is within us all.

Although I can’t predict specifics, I believe regardless of the experiences my friend may have, he will be enriched, enlivened and an inspiration to others to also follow their spirit’s quests.

Unkindness Does Not Discriminate

I've been thinking about a young friend for the past few days that encountered a blatant and unprovoked experience of racism from a stranger last week.

Naturally, my friend was stunned and hurt as the verbal attacker told her to return to her own country. (My friend is a U.S. citizen and although born in India, was adopted at a very young age and has lived a very American life). I won't go into why this young woman deserves respect, since I believe we all innately deserve this universal act of kindness. What is dumbfounding to me is that this attack was apparently justified in this woman's mind.

Perhaps, this woman believed she was doing and saying the right thing by sharing her racist and discriminatory remarks. I imagine she was simply afraid that anyone that does not look like her may be taking away some freedom or opportunity reserved for only certain people....those that she approves as worthy. Perhaps her attack was simply her fighting against a perceived injustice and my innocent friend got caught in the cross-fire.

I wonder if this woman considers herself to be reasonable, thoughtful and kind. If she does, then does she believe that kindness is discriminatory? Does she believe only certain colors of skin, or certain life styles, or people from select backgrounds, countries and families deserve kindness and respect? Must we prove to one another that we are worthy of respect? If we are all subject to this potential criticism from those that come from different backgrounds, Is there one list of criterion that justifies our worthiness?

At this point in time, it seems, based on this account, that unkindness does not discriminate. My friend's heart, her talents or her contributions to society were not assessed and weighed, otherwise she would have surely passed the test of deserved respect.

I actually feel more pity for the woman that made the attack, since it is she that apparently does not feel secure enough to see beyond her very narrow minded view. My friend, although hurt by the attack, knows and loves who she is and will continue to be kind, respectful and caring about others, even when they don't look like her.