Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Hands Off

One of the greatest challenges in life, I believe, is to give up control of directing the life of someone you love. We may believe we have a right to force our opinions and control an outcome, but in truth we don't, unless of course it is a child not yet of an adult age.

Some of the more significant life situations we often believe we know best are regarding relationships, jobs, schools and places to live. Of course, being the loving, caring beings that we are, we may also want to have a say in some of the lesser important things like clothing choices, the best foods to eat, exercise, hairstyles and medical related questions. This list can go on, but I think you get the picture.

We (humans) get hooked into wanting to and sometimes actually attempting to take control of those we love and feel justified by our actions. After all, we are the loving child of or parents and siblings....or the devoted parent to our children. We are also the deeply caring friend, co-worker, neighbor, coach, pastor, employer to many.

The Hands Off warning in the title of this blog is made with intent to honor the people in your life for whom you want to manage their decisions, and also for you.

Attempting to be in control of what happens is like playing with dynamite. If it blows up, everyone gets hurt. The true loving response when in relationship is to allow those we care about to make their own decisions. We can give opinions, be supportive and unconditionally loving without attachment. When, on the other hand, we are attached to a particular outcome and are trying to strong arm our loved one into following our design, then the room for explosions, which could create long term damage, is inevitable.

Allowing everyone to have their own experience in life, even when they are going against our suggestions creates peace. Maybe their choice will be best, maybe not. If their choice gets them into trouble, then there was a lesson there for them to learn.

The bottom line is that having a hands off policy when it comes to directing another life is bound to create peace for everyone when you can finally let go.

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